Brought on by essay avoidance and rage. This is...baffling.
"This should be a better world," a friend of mine said. "A more honest one, where sex isn't shameful or degrading. I wish this was the kind of world where say, 'Wow, I'd like to touch your breasts,' and people would understand that it's not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful."
What follows makes me pretty speehcless. A group of people asking strangers at a con if they can touch their breasts. Not any other part of them, but their breasts. But not in an objectifying way, of course. In an egalitarian way. The open source boob project. Guys, I’m…pretty much incoherent with fucking *rage* here. Going up to a complete stranger and saying ‘can I touch your breasts?’? NOT enlightened, or edgy. Intrusive, skeevy and objectifying? Why yes, yes it is. Even at a con. Frankly, being approached by a man and asked if he can feel me up makes me feel frightened, objectified and ashamed of my uh, assets.
We talked about this. It was an Open-Source Project, making breasts available to select folks. (Like any good project, you need access control, because there are loutish men and women who just Don't Get It.)
Because of course, the people who aren’t willing to put in the fucking legwork and get to know a girl should have full groping rights, yes? I mean it's not like you should have a conversation and get to know her, right? And any women who dislike this are clearly unenlightened as to the healing power of being a bair of breasts to grope, and guys should be able to feel someone up without a couple of dates, yeah? No. Hire a hooker if you are that lazy.
By the end of the evening, women were coming up to us. "My breasts," they asked shyly, having heard about the project. "Are they... are they good enough to be touched?" And lo, we showed them how beautiful their bodies were without turning it into something tawdry.
Oh please, by all means, feel me the hell up. Reduce me to a pair of breasts, judge them to be worthy of touching. Make my day. Of course, if you feel my breasts, I reserve the right to put sparkplugs on your testicles. I mean, they’re worthy of sparkplugs, they really are. So firm and round.
Christ, I just…what a doucheumbrella.