dS Tag Game
snoopypez tagged me for the 6CD tag game, so I am, apparently, it *beams*
Canada Does Hogwarts
….so I’m obsessed with Harry Potter? A little? Seriously. But this is about as 6-degrees-ish as it gets.
Fandom: Harry Potter/ Canada
Rating: PG-13 for language
Length: 600 words
21 encounters between Canadians and Hogwarts Professors. Cracktastic.
“Ensnaring the senses- Conoy, why are you staring at me?”
“I can guide you. You have a destiny. By the way, did you know you were pregnant?”
…
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“Mulgrew, why, precisely, did you use that particular charm on that particular broomstick?”
“Academic fucking curiosity, Professor. Besides, Creevey’s fucking enjoying it. He doesn’t need to sit down for this lesson, anyway.”
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“I see the third eye is strong in you, mister, ah-”
“Oxenberger. Those tea leaves- man, I- take the cup away, please.”
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“French, please stop dropping subtle hints about doing the right thing.”
“If that’s what you think you want, Professor Snape. It doesn’t have to be this way!”
“French!”
“Alright, alright, I’m going now.”
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“Thrace, for the last time, Fred and George are twins, not Cylons!”
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“Gross, I-”
“Yes, Professor?”
“Oh, I give up. As you were.”
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“Cutter, I assume you can explain the freezing charms on the lake?”
“Of course, Professor.”
“And the broomstick thefts?”
“Borrowing, Professor.”
“And the engorgio charms you put on Creevey’s set of gobstones?”
“Not all of them exploded, Professor!”
“And should I be asking about your current state of undress?”
“Team-building, Professor.”
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“Jarvis, this is the seventh time I’ve found you up here. If you are that anxious for astronomy lessons, ask Professor Sinistra.”
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“Macdonald, for Merlin’s sake, stop painting things!”
“I understand, Professor Snape- Severus. You don’t need to pretend. I’m just…going to finish this sign, you don’t have to talk to me, but if you, uh, want to, I can listen and paint.”
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“Curtis, at some point, you are going to have to leave your dormitory.”
“Pon Farr. Must- no television! Yeaaaaaargh!”
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“No, you are not allowed coffee, pumpkin juice is all we allow our students. And I am not sure ‘wingardium leviosa’ is meant to be used on hair.”
“Experimental. Need coffee.”
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“Miss Mackenzie, why is there snow in your hair?”
“Thought I saw some unusual scat, near the astronomy tower. Went the long way round.”
“It’s the middle of summer!”
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“So I see you wish to take ancient runes, muggle studies, care of magical creatures, charms, potions, herbology, arithmancy, astrology, transfiguration- tracking? Is that even offered, Mister Fraser?”
“Ah, well, I believe I was offering to teach that course, Professor.”
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“You’re upside down.”
“Yes, yes, professor! I am!”
“Turnbull, why are you upside down?”
“They insulted Canada!”
…
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“Magic is dead. I am to lead the revolution! Comrades, join me, and we will celebrate the utter meaningless of life and the end of the hegemony of the phallus!”
“Nichols?”
“Professor Snape?”
“Silencio.”
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“Quidditch is a lot like magic. I mean, up in the sky, nothing else to distract you, the unity of player and broom. Really, you’re playing against yourself- oof!”
“Annd Rennie’s felled by a bludger! Fifth game in a row!”
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“Miss Vecchio, where are your robes?”
“I’m wearing them, Professor!”
“How, exactly, are you wearing robes? I can see your midriff, and a substantial portion of your leg. While we are in no way draconian on the issue of personal expression, this is a flying lesson.”
“And?”
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“Tennant. You’re in the girl’s toilets. Again.”
“Can’t I have a nervous breakdown in peace?”
“You’re making Moaning Myrtle suicidal. She’s already dead. Please, snap out of it. We can put Shakespeare back into the Hogwarts library if you wish, just- is that a swan?”
“…maybe?”
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“Dillon, sticking your middle finger up is not acceptable defence against hexes.”
“Fucking works, though, Professor.”
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“Zwiller, why are you here? And why have you written all over the dungeon wall?”
“Read it, Professor Snape. I, uh, I want to experiment. World’s ending, see, might as well go out with a bang.”
“Broomstick, weightless, upside down-”
“Creative, huh?”
“Detention!”
“But I- ohh. Number 35. Good choice, professor.”
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“Mister, ah, Zero. Why are you under the desk?”
“Spoons! Why did there have to be clacky clacky spoons?!!”
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I tag:
burntsm0re