Am I a monster?

[llamaturgy]

I mean, seriously. My heart goes out to those who have health issues, because every day I spend a little time thinking of my father and how fragile my current state of health actually is. That being said, there's a small part of me that, no matter how I try to stop it, refuses to cease its mutterings about my wedding's guest-list shrinking. I can't help it. Whenever I catch myself thinking that, it makes me feel horrible inside. Understand that it has nothing to do with the individuals involved, just... anxiety, I suppose. Most likely, the fact that the health issues in question seem to be under control is the primary reason. If it was one of those, "You need to come to the hospital now" situations, I wouldn't hesitate an instant before canceling the wedding to be where I was needed. In that light, perhaps I should count myself lucky that I have the luxury of the emotional self-defense mechanism that I seem to be using.

I hope everyone feels better, I sincerely do =) Just finding it a little hard to focus, at the moment.