Tear the walls down
I feel this wave of sadness coming at me lately. I feel as though I dont even know myself; Who am I really. I was happy today; that feeling did not last very long. I feel that the past 22 years of my life have just been a lie. The person who I think I am. I am not. So what does that leave me. I have this overwhelming urge to be sick. My head hurts,eyes are swollen, nose stuffy. Ive been laying down in bed all day: no urge to do anything. Instead of making things better-obviously they are not-thing have spiraled down like a plane nose diving. I wish at times I could go back and see myself as a kid, give myself a hug, tell myself to be strong that life isnt going to be easy. If I were able to do that, the future, just might be a little better. But life doesnt give you those chances. They are only in the movies. So instead, I write. My mom asked me whats wrong... Where to begin. Maybe that they are forcing me to be something I am not; making me out to be a bad guy; that what I do is wrong. I do lie. I lie because my choices are not "right". Ugh I dont think I have that sparkle I use to have. That essence of happiness. Its all subcome to the overcast of sadness, as though a thunderstorm has drifted in over my emotions. Oh man who knows whats to come. I just really hope that I am able to shake this feeling(s).