'causei'llneveradmitthathegotinsidemyskin.
thereissomethingaboutpeople.theyallaredifferent,insomanyways.butwhyarefeelingsstrongforsomeandweakforothers?whycan'tonepickwhotheywillloveandwhotheywillhate?iguessi'vebeenponderingaboutthisforsometimenow.mywholelifei'vebeentryingtofigureoutwhatiwantandhowifeel.somesignalsaren'tjuststrongenoughtoreallytell.maybeitistheweaksignalsthatdon'tmeanalot?maybetheweaksignalsshouldcontinuetobeunnoticed.i'vehadsomestrongsignalsthroughoutmylife.eitheriwaslittleandafriendbrokemydollandpushedmedown-resultinginmecrying,boyihadstrongfeelingsofhatredtowardsthatbitch.mmhm.butwhyisitthatwhenyouhaveastrongfeelingtowardsonetheywon'tnessicarilyhaveoneytowardsyou?itresultsinmesses,brokenhearts,andwelllossoffriends.theworldisafuckedupplace.thatismyconclusion.nooneknowsanythingbutyeteveryoneknowseverything.maybeijustfeelstupidcauseiknowi'vehadthosestrongfeelingsandwellitjustdidn'tworkout.maybei'mjustjealousofallthefairytaleendings.wellforwhateverreasonitis,theworldjustseemstobeverycaotic.nothingseemscorrect,everythingseemsoffset.sothisentry,yeahkindalongandretarded,it'spointless.it'sjustrandomthoughts.doicareifanyoneeveractuallyreadsthis?no.notatall,actually,i'mjustwrittingbecausei'mbored.andyousee,thebrianhasinterestingwaystokeepitselfinterested.themindwanders,ponderingovercountlessamountsofideas.butwhocares?sothepointimightbetryingtogetathassomethingtodowithlove.maybe.ornot.butifitdoes,i'dprobablyendwiththecommentthatlovesucks.butsincethatisjustohsocommontohearthatphrasethesedays,i'dtrytobeuniqueandcarefullyfindthecorrectwordstodiscribethefeelingthatcouldbeeatingmeapartinside.butwhoknowsifitisreally"eatingmeapart"orifijustwantitto,orifitreallyisn'tbotheringmeandsinceeveryonegoesthroughthissad,lonely,depressedfeeling,itallmightbeinmyimmagination[thewholeeatingmeapart,incaseyougotlosttowhatiwastalkingabout].butyeah,soisteadofsayinglovesucks,i'dliketosay,nothing.istillhaven'tfoundthewordstodiscribemyfeelings.maybefeelingscan'tbedescribedandshouldn'tbedescribed.maybethoughtsshouldbedescribedandthatwouldresultinadescriptionthatcouldpossiblyresembleafeeling.whatever,ifyoureadthisbullshit.youareprobablyapril.ifyoureaditandyouaren'tapril,youareprobablybored.soi'dliketothinkijustamusedyouforsometimenow.isn'tthatsomething?youactuallytookthetimetoreadthislong,tedious,andwfragmentedmessthatitypedthatitooktotallyoutofmyassbecauseiwasboredtoo.asamatterofafact,idon'tevenrememberwhatiwrote.sinceitwassounimportant,allthewordsthatitypedhasonehundredpercentslippedmymind.ohwell.anyways.ifyouwanttodownloadahighlysnazzysong,doit,andohit'scalled,diemotherfuckerdie.bydope.okay?don'tforgetitnow.i'msureanyonecanenjoythatsong.becausewellweallhavethefeelingofhatredtoatleastsomeone,eventhoughitisa"sin".wearealljusthuman.andhumanshavefeelings.so,i'moff.tofindsomethingelsetooccupymybrainforwhile.