Fell asleep with stains caked deep in the knees, what a pain.
I want to live past life. I mean, really, deeply, live. I don't want anyone's money, really, I don't. So often I say that I want so many things...but those things always pass with time. Kind of like how pre-diabetics will stop craving sugar if they just stop eating it for a little while. I don't genuinely want anything at all. Not mustard yellow cardigans, itunes gift cards, better clothes, better art supplies, cute lolita skirts...I don't desire a single one of those things as much as I long for the poignant, citrusly bitter and beautiful taste of love.
Everything that is love, all of those things that Paul jotted down in a letter to Corinth...oh man, what I would give to feel those things. To be them. To be freed from all of this muck and disaster that is humanity as we know it and just be. I don't want to stay cooped up here behind the walls of jobs and money and success and all of those things they really try to force-feed us in school. It all tastes disgustingly sweet and artificial, and I can't stand the thought that we could have possibly been made for the sole purpose of feeding neon lights and checkbooks. I wish I could just vomit it all out and flush it down some celestial toilet forever, just so that I'll never have to be tempted by it again.
I want to be that pre-diabetic, the one that stops eating sugar and discovers the deliciousness of vegetables and fruits and real, substantial things. I want to live in beauty, true beauty that is horrible and wonderful all at once. Oh God please, please. I always get so scared of it, I always turn away from it in apathy and start living like a dumb animal again.
I don't think I can bear that anymore.
Everything that is love, all of those things that Paul jotted down in a letter to Corinth...oh man, what I would give to feel those things. To be them. To be freed from all of this muck and disaster that is humanity as we know it and just be. I don't want to stay cooped up here behind the walls of jobs and money and success and all of those things they really try to force-feed us in school. It all tastes disgustingly sweet and artificial, and I can't stand the thought that we could have possibly been made for the sole purpose of feeding neon lights and checkbooks. I wish I could just vomit it all out and flush it down some celestial toilet forever, just so that I'll never have to be tempted by it again.
I want to be that pre-diabetic, the one that stops eating sugar and discovers the deliciousness of vegetables and fruits and real, substantial things. I want to live in beauty, true beauty that is horrible and wonderful all at once. Oh God please, please. I always get so scared of it, I always turn away from it in apathy and start living like a dumb animal again.
I don't think I can bear that anymore.