It's hard to remember to live before you die.
I think whatever funk I was in is finally wearing off. I don't know if it's for the right reasons, but at this point, I really don't care. I've given myself something new to look forward to, and it seems to do a good job of making me forget about what was eating away at me. So regardless of whether it's right or wrong, I don't care. It's an anesthetic that could potentially destroy me...again. But I like it. (And no, it's not a new faraway boy. I do want to go to Seattle, but I have to wait a while.)
Miss Ashalie has been away at Disney Land with her wealthy Alaskan relatives, and I miss her! I don't have anyone to complain at who will make me feel like I'm not a weirdo. I hope she's having fun though. I hope her wealthy Alaskan relatives get me presents. Oh Ashalie, if you read this, I have Johnny Depp movies for us to watch!!!! If you're not busy on Wednesday night, I think we should have a party. And you can sleep over. Because I don't have class on Thursday. If you don't read this, then I'll just tell you when I talk to you.
I cajoled Curtis into going out with me again last night. We watched Super Size Me, which I thought was pretty cool. I molested his foot, and he liked it. And then we very smoothly snuck into Saved, which was also very good. And then I lost my sushi virginity. I don't know how adventurous the veggie rolls would be considered, but I was massively proud of myself for trying something new. I liked it. Our waiter was a complete dick, but it was amusing.
I'm going to be in San Francisco shortly after my birthday for a week. That's the same week Casper is going to be in town for a wedding (not his wedding...I hope). So we are discussing the possibility of him living in my house and watching Rocky, so we don't have to take him with. I hope it works out because I love Rocky to pieces, but he's annoying as fuck, especially on car trips. And Casper's the only person in the whole world I'd trust with the dog. They love each other. It kind of sucks that I'll probably only get to spend one night with him while he's here, but oh well. I kind of might miss his company. A little. Maybe.
I went out with Justin and Erika tonight. We went to the forum shops, so I could buy more cd's. I ran into Melody Lee from high school, and I uncharacteristically walked up to her and said hi. Then I got this feeling like she probably didn't remember me...or she did, but she was having trouble placing me. Oh well. Then Justin was being all pouty, and when he started acting normal again, then Erika got all pouty. And they started fighting, so I just took them home. I don't know if she was mad at me or not, but I didn't do anything. So whatever. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around them. I'm not allowed to be fun and joke around with them because I'm not allowed to make Justin laugh, or I must be trying to steal him away. I'm not allowed to just talk to Erika because then Justin gets all mad and feels left out. And if I don't talk at all, then they just blame each other for why I'm not having fun. I can't laugh at Justin's jokes because that's obviously flirting. And if I don't laugh, then he gets upset. It's a lose-lose-lose-lose-lose situation. Anything I do will make someone feel bad or uncomfortable. Lawrence is back in town now though, I think. He always seems to pacify Justin enough and distract Erika from having to worry about him so we can all have fun. And if they do start fighting, at least I have someone to talk to. And he's gayish..or bi. So I don't have to worry about him liking me. I don't know about those two sometimes.
I have all kinds of random pictures, but I haven't uploaded them yet. So you have to wait.
I think sometimes people aren't who you thought they were. But it's not so much that. It's more that maybe they aren't who you wanted them to be. And you feel like you don't know them anymore. Maybe it's nobody's fault. I think sometimes we look at people we want to love with a blindfold on, and sometimes the blindfold slips and we realize their uncanny ability to disappoint us. And that's when we get mad at ourselves for believing in something that so clearly never existed. I like to think that the people we thought they were are still in there somewhere, but not in the form we wanted. Sometimes it's easier to remember the good in people. And other times, it's really hard to believe it was ever there. It's hard to be indifferent to something you used to be so passionate about. Or have someone be indifferent to you. It's also hard to not be indifferent to something you thought you were indifferent to a long time ago. What the fuck am I talking about?
Goodnight.
Miss Ashalie has been away at Disney Land with her wealthy Alaskan relatives, and I miss her! I don't have anyone to complain at who will make me feel like I'm not a weirdo. I hope she's having fun though. I hope her wealthy Alaskan relatives get me presents. Oh Ashalie, if you read this, I have Johnny Depp movies for us to watch!!!! If you're not busy on Wednesday night, I think we should have a party. And you can sleep over. Because I don't have class on Thursday. If you don't read this, then I'll just tell you when I talk to you.
I cajoled Curtis into going out with me again last night. We watched Super Size Me, which I thought was pretty cool. I molested his foot, and he liked it. And then we very smoothly snuck into Saved, which was also very good. And then I lost my sushi virginity. I don't know how adventurous the veggie rolls would be considered, but I was massively proud of myself for trying something new. I liked it. Our waiter was a complete dick, but it was amusing.
I'm going to be in San Francisco shortly after my birthday for a week. That's the same week Casper is going to be in town for a wedding (not his wedding...I hope). So we are discussing the possibility of him living in my house and watching Rocky, so we don't have to take him with. I hope it works out because I love Rocky to pieces, but he's annoying as fuck, especially on car trips. And Casper's the only person in the whole world I'd trust with the dog. They love each other. It kind of sucks that I'll probably only get to spend one night with him while he's here, but oh well. I kind of might miss his company. A little. Maybe.
I went out with Justin and Erika tonight. We went to the forum shops, so I could buy more cd's. I ran into Melody Lee from high school, and I uncharacteristically walked up to her and said hi. Then I got this feeling like she probably didn't remember me...or she did, but she was having trouble placing me. Oh well. Then Justin was being all pouty, and when he started acting normal again, then Erika got all pouty. And they started fighting, so I just took them home. I don't know if she was mad at me or not, but I didn't do anything. So whatever. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around them. I'm not allowed to be fun and joke around with them because I'm not allowed to make Justin laugh, or I must be trying to steal him away. I'm not allowed to just talk to Erika because then Justin gets all mad and feels left out. And if I don't talk at all, then they just blame each other for why I'm not having fun. I can't laugh at Justin's jokes because that's obviously flirting. And if I don't laugh, then he gets upset. It's a lose-lose-lose-lose-lose situation. Anything I do will make someone feel bad or uncomfortable. Lawrence is back in town now though, I think. He always seems to pacify Justin enough and distract Erika from having to worry about him so we can all have fun. And if they do start fighting, at least I have someone to talk to. And he's gayish..or bi. So I don't have to worry about him liking me. I don't know about those two sometimes.
I have all kinds of random pictures, but I haven't uploaded them yet. So you have to wait.
I think sometimes people aren't who you thought they were. But it's not so much that. It's more that maybe they aren't who you wanted them to be. And you feel like you don't know them anymore. Maybe it's nobody's fault. I think sometimes we look at people we want to love with a blindfold on, and sometimes the blindfold slips and we realize their uncanny ability to disappoint us. And that's when we get mad at ourselves for believing in something that so clearly never existed. I like to think that the people we thought they were are still in there somewhere, but not in the form we wanted. Sometimes it's easier to remember the good in people. And other times, it's really hard to believe it was ever there. It's hard to be indifferent to something you used to be so passionate about. Or have someone be indifferent to you. It's also hard to not be indifferent to something you thought you were indifferent to a long time ago. What the fuck am I talking about?
Goodnight.