The Mongoose is back...All hail the better of the two writer's, me!
A Mongoose Story
In the not too distant future, there lived a mongoose named Bill. He
was the head of an organization called MFBOKB, (Mongeese For the Banishment
Of Killer Bees.) This was a very secret, underground legion you might say,
organization. Only the best of the best were allowed in because, after all,
banishing killer bees was no easy task. These hoardes of killer bees had
taken over the land which rightfully belonged to the mongoose civilazation
and they guarded it with their lives. It is not that simple though. Much
to the mongeeses dismay, the chitin goats had joined forces with the killer
bees thus heightening the stregnth of an already unopposed empire. The
mongeese were a peaceful people, friendly and generous, but this was
thelast straw, the mongoose parliament was at stake and they had to fight
back with full force. It was the eve of the pre-emptive strike on the killer bee city of
Jackmeoff. Bill sat polishing his can of Raid and thinking of strategies to
further advance the mongoose attack. Joining him were thousands of other
mongoose soldiers, and their allies, the Norweigan catfish. They numbered
almost 100,000 all together, but this still was no match for the killer
bee/goat alliance. MFBOKB had been revising their battle stategies for
months with no avail. Almost all had given up hope. However, Bill had a
plan, an unimaginable feat that, if acted out correctly, would annihilate
the killer bee empire for all eternity. He headed towards the Captain
Spong's quarters to address him and tell him of his heroic plan.
However, only one thing stood in his way........
A man, yes a man, stood in the way of Bill's wise plan. But this was no ordinary man, mind you, this was a hockey playing, grasshopper wearing fool of a man, who's only goal in life was to eat mongoose meat and shoot pucks at a net. It seemed like MFBOKB was all but lost, when the ugly, blonde, rower girl appeared to the mongoose kingdom. She knew the likes of men like this, and being manlike in stature herself, this evil bitch decided to aid the mongoose for reasons of her own (you can buy Four Whores in Tallahassee to get her view point of the war). And so, Captain Spong and his 100,000 warriors banded together, ready to die for the peace and prosperity of their homeland. And then the allies of the ugly bitch came to their side. The engineering fat pigs of Albania, the really small Newberry hurlers of New fork, and even Michael Jackson, they all came to help
Now MFBOKB was anything but fearful. They joined hands and sang praise to their Lord, Krieger. They also sacrificed three small Newberrians and
fourteen Johnsonians with very larges asses (of which they feasted upon
before the sacrifice.) The God Krieger was very thankful for their
sacrifices and sent them large amounts of free pornography and dildos. The
planets were aligned for the Mongoose victory, now nothing could stop them.
The night soon grew darker and darker, and as it did the anxiety of the
battle in the morning weighed on the Mongeese and their allies like very
large breasts on rower girl. Ah yes, there was no sleep on this night.
Minutes passed like hours, and hours like days. And then, after what seemed
like an eternity, the Albanian rooster crowed, signaling the start of a new
day. The 100,000 warriors commenced in having the biggest orgy ever
recorded in Mongoose history, for good luck. Then they were off, off to the
far reaches of Jackmeoff, and for some of them the realization set in that
they would not cum home. But that did not dwindle their spirits, to die for
MFBOKB is to die for a cause, and there was no fear in that. They started
on what would be a 4 hour journey, prepared to fight and prepared to die
Far away a large hive of killer bees was born, a new breed unlike any seen before. You see, the killer bees and the chitin goats had made sacrifices(small boobs, symbolizing the defeat of the God Krieger) to their goddess Peroxide, and in return she sent them the birth of many new, stronger warrior bees(not to mention a lot of horny hawks to eat the cat fish in the upcoming battle). In Jackmeoff, the main forces were being made ready for the attack, and the Chitin goats had their own stronghold prepared in Gigolo village, about 2000 miles away. These things were known by the mongeese spies, and it was the hope of the bees that they would be drawn to the mountains of Emoni; this was the easiest way to Jackmeoff, and a place where the Mongeese thought they had allies with the rock throwing hordes of Genia. But the spy had not been near the area in over a month, and since then the bees and the goats had let loose a vicious group of penguins, whom when away from their natural environment did nothing but destroy rock throwing hordes from Genia(not sure how that works, but just shut the fuck up and read on). And so, not only did the bees have their new breed of badass killer bees, but they had cool looking, pissed off penguins to their disposal. And so they themselves were ready to fight to the death.
The mongeese hoard and their allies were spotted entering the Tomb of Karenina Harrisia., a cemetery for women with white hair and ugly shoulders. This pathway would lead them through Emoni, and the penguin beasts told the bee overlord that the mongeese could not be more than a couple of hundred miles away. Meanwhile, Captain Spong felt it necessary to say a few words to his men and beg the god Krieger for victory. Spong yelled for his men to halt and they did so. They proceeded to join hands and sing "Kuhbaya my Lord". Just then Darth Vader and Yoda came onto the scene, and Yoda made some wicked moves in midair to get catch his enemy off guard. With mouths wide open, the mongeese looked on in awe. “Gees, Focker, I wish we could have a dude like that fighting for us”, said Yumisa, and the army agreed to halt the fight to ask. Right as they were about to ask, however, a bunch of green pipes came out of the ground and a fat ass dude jumped out with red suspenders on. “what the fuck is this guy doing here”, said one of the men. “I dunno, but I’d like to get a piece of that” ( this was said by one of the homo mongeeses, a dude rumored for having given HIV to half of his tribe back home). But that was nothing compared to what happened next on that field. A monkey, yes a monkey, dropped down from the sky and proceeded to try and get the attention of the dude in the trousers. Hey little fellow, said the dude, and he reached down to pet it. Just then, the monkey pounced up and hit the shit out of him. “ That’s for trying to say man came from monkeys”, said the monkey. “”And for thinking that your game is anything compared to Diddy Kong”. Then the monkey vanished, and the mongeese decided they would have some fun and try and shove the green thing in one of the pipes. But right as they were about to do so, their commander entered the scene, having gone in the brush a few hundred yards away to get a blow job from one of the few women in the army. “What the hell is going on here men”, said the commander. “Um sir, I’m not entirely sure”, said the man next in command. “First this metal dude and this bad ass green thing started fighting with some kind of Cinderella wand thingy, and then this guy in red popped up and got the shit kicked out of him by a monkey. It was pretty damn hilarious if you ask me” “Well, sergeant, I hope you can explain this to the leader when we get back home,. Because this is not what I would expect from a soldier. Now, let’s fetch some water and get going. It’s about to be dark, and we catch them by surprise.” (on a lighter note, none of the characters in this scene were really hurt. So for all you pansies out there, Mario was fine)
The new breed of bees was made ready, put in the lines with their brothers in arms. They had poison but on their stingers, and the Chitin goats were notified that war was about to begin. Meanwhile, Rower girl caught a brigade of the goats by surprise, going down the Beji River which was right outside of Gigolo Village. They had bows and arrows, and 100 strong, these men and women were later considered by many historians to be the strongest part of the army(little did these historians know, the only reason they killed as well as they did was because many of the Newberrians with them did all the up close killing). This would mark the beginning of the war, What sucked, however, was that the Norwegian catfish were being ripped to shreds by the horny hawks. So, with the catfish and the Chitin Goats being subject to heavy casualties, many on both realized it may come down to the fight between bee and mongoose.
“O h my God, master, said the apprentice Georgiou. I think we have done it.” Georgiou and his master Henriti were under a charter by the llama king, and had been attempting to create some sort of sucking device( for what it was attended they did not know). One of the best welders in all the lands, Henriti had worked for months in trying to prefect his prototype, and with the work of his small subject Georgiou they had finished their product. They presented it to the King and his counsel, and then they were both capped because of their knowledge of it ( The families of both llamas would seek revenge on the King later on, which you will see in the sequel to this story). In a secret alliance with one of the sects of the Mongoose Empire, the Llamas had been asked to create this vacuum to fight against the bees. This was in strict violation of the codes of the MFBOKB, who felt this sort of vacuum was against the ethics of warfare. But the llamas and this particular sect of mongeese had a score to settle, and they would take the chance of being banished, so long as the bees were killed for good. I know you are thinking, damn, why don’t you shut the fuck up and finish the story, motherfucker, but these are all vital details in understanding what was about to go down in one of the bloodiest fights the animal kingdom had ever scene. But while this vacuum would be a vital weapon in the demolition of the bee lines, the bees had constructed a master plan themselves. They knew the mongeese hated any sort of liquor because of their religious nature, and so they planned to hold a party for the mongeese and spike their drinks without them knowing. Although this was a ridiculously idiotic plan, they had full faith that the mongeese would not only have a party with bees they hated, but that they would also take drinks from them and keep drinking even after they knew the drinks were spiked. Thus, the mongeese would be helpless to the bees, and be annihilated
Georgiou and Henriti rushed up to Captain Spong just before the battle was about to be waged. "Captain we have done it, we have the ultimate weapon of destruction!" Captain Spong, quite confused as to what this device was, stood there dumbfounded. After a moment of silence, he placed the sucking device on his nipple and turned it on. "Gentlemen, this is brilliant," he uttered. But Geogiou and Henriti quickly explained to him that the device was for the killer bees and not for personal mongoose pleasure. With little time left to spare, the captain deployed 248 of his finest soldiers to maneuver the sucking device. The bee's seeing this, turned around in a desperate attempt to flee. But it was too late, the majority of the bees were sucked in. And those that got away did not return. The mongeese and their allies yelled their victory chant: "We whooped your ass, and peanut butter has many uses!!!" But just as the mongeese and their allies were turning around to head to the barracks, they realized something; they had been invited to party a couple
Days ago and it was going to start in like an hour! Mongeese were a very presentable breed and it was essential that they look their best for this extravaganza. They dropped everything and headed to the salon to prep. Captain Spong paid a ridiculous sum of money to have his hair highlighted and his bikini line waxed (yes, his pubes.) He felt he was ready, until he saw Focker. Damn was he looking fine, his hair was in some sort of up-do and he evidently had been using a very provocative shade of lipstick. Spong felt a stirring in his pants, but ignored it. “Been there, done him,” he thought to himself. After everyone was ready they met up at “XXX Mongoose Strip Club.” After a couple minutes of lap dances, they turned to head to the bee headquarters, where the party was being held. They rung the doorbell and were surprised to see many friendly bee faces and a ridiculous amount of liquor. They entered with high hopes.
Lucky for the mongeese, this was grab a stinger night, and all the fine lady bees were there. "Oh my God dude, I think that bee just winked at me", said Renardo. "No dude, she was looking at me", said his friend, Ducka." She noticed the six pack I've been working on". Meanwhile, a couple of the male bees brought in the kegs, and everyone started to party. The d.j got the place hopping like Rower Girl's Mom in the back of a car with a McDonald’s manager, and the place got hot. There were lady bees flashing their stingers, mongeese dudes intermixing with bee dudes, and everything was just peachy keen. Then it happened! Glass broke from above, and everyone fell to the floor. "Everyone get down now", said the men that fell through the roof, and they proceeded to pull out their vacuums. The mongeese and bees alike were in shock, because this weapon hadn't been seen by anyone. Then the masked fiends revealed themselves, only to put the horrid weapon on their face. "What the fuck, Coronal! Why are you here?" said beanie. " Corporal, don't you know that alcohol is one of our only weaknesses, save for hairy naked circus women? These bees are not trying to bee (haha, I got a pun in) your friends, they are just trying to give you a killer hangover and then use their gorgeous women to sting you to death. That way they save all their strength for the fight tomorrow. "Oh yeah, we forgot about that" said Duck. "Now report back to base son, this isn't going to be a pretty sight." As they left the room, only Kunch saw the horror of the scene, with vacuums roaring and bee parts being crushed to bits. But he couldn't speak!....
Back at mongoose headquarters everything was going great! Colonel Dildo
and his masked warriors had annihilated most of the bees at the party and word
had come that the majority of the bee forces had been destroyed. The
mongeese were optimistic about the future of this war now. But little did they
know that the bees were not that easy to get rid of. A secret organization of
bee's who called themselves KBTOYS (killer bee's taking over your stove) had
formed a militia and were prepared to avenge the death of their brothers.....It was a rainy, disgusting morning back at the killer bee city of Anushair. The bee militia was on their way to the cemetery of Karenina Harrisia to pay tribute to their brothers. They reflected upon the hundreds of thousands of bees killed in the recent battle. This act made their thirst for revenge almost intolerable. KBTOYS didn't fuck around when it came to avenging their comrades. They rushed back to headquarters to formulate a new plan to rid the world of mongeese once and for all
The mongeese hoard and their allies spotted the killer bee forces dead ahead. They couldn't be more than a mile away. At this time, Captain Spong felt it necessary to say a few words to his men and beg the god Krieger for victory. Spong yelled for his men to halt and they did so. They proceeded to join hands and sing "Kuhbaya my Lord" when just then thousands of killer bees came rushing at them. The mongeese jumped up ready to defend their homeland.!
What happened over the next few weeks cannot be described in words. The Mongeese were heavily armed with their vacuums and other various devices, but the bees were much more in number and used their stingers to disable many of the recently made vacuums. The Mongeese ran out of resources in many parts of Craigland and Geadecia, and they suffered heavy losses to the Chitin goats as a result. The Norwegian catfish were annihilated by the horny hawks, and unfortunately Rower Girl was killed. The truly sad part about her death was that it was self-inflicted. She was bathing naked with many of the ladies in her tribe when a strong current pushed her out from the river bed. She tried to grab the hand of her lover Frolic, but the water was too strong and she drowned in the heavy current. Such a sad story for a girl that had big boobs, loved to row, and was not good for anything but shooting arrows at bees and having sex with women.
Thus, the mongeese were no longer the unified group they had once been. All of their allies were being crushed, and even the Newberry hurlers were almost defeated. What the mongeese failed to realize was that, although the bees did have hives that were creating new warriors, and the horny hawks were doing quite well on the battlefield, the bee’s main weapon came after the killing of many of their comrades at the bee party. KBTOYS had over the previous few years created thousands of Lizzie McGuire cd’s, and had sold them to the mongeese population. The mongeese had become so preoccupied by her music (because of its annoying lesbian tendencies) that the bees had been able to create large sums of biological weapons, and now that the war had begun were using it on the unsuspecting mongeese.
However, there were many spies and inside sources that had in fact known about this plot, and had warned the mongeese long before the war had even been formulated. The Mongoose King let only his cabinet know of the bees plan, and they hoped that the bees would believe when the time came that they were winning the war. They might have to sacrifice thousands of soldiers, but they had a far better plan than the bees could ever dreamed up. You see, the bees were salsa dancers, and their favorite music artist was Ricky Martin and his song “vivir la vida loca”. Thus over the past few months they used their sources inside the bee kingdom to sell hundreds of thousands of Ricky Martin cd’s, and basically used the same plot of the bees against their enemy. The mongooses may have been copying bastards, but they knew what they were doing. As the war waged on and it became clear that the bees would eventually gain victory, the Queen bee made an appearance in the small town of Ugo Diatcha. The town had been one of the few that had been ran sacked by the Newberry hurlers and the pigs, and the few citizens that left pleaded to speak with the queen. The mongeese knew of this occasion, and had snipers in all corners of the village. A few of their men were disguised, so as to keep the bee queen occupied. As the queen made her rounds, they made ready.
“ Ah madam, I assure you that our forces are on the move further and further into the mongeese territory, and we will keep this strike of theirs in mine when we capture their king.” The queen continued talking to the old hag bee, and right as she turned to greet another kind citizen she looked up and saw the mongeese sniper glaring down from high above. “ Guards!!!!” But it was too late. She was shot right above the heart, but before the paramedics got there her pulse had stopped. She had bled to death, lying in the arms of one of her best friends ever, Ujot. So now there was only one queen bee left, and she was almost dead from age. So the bee kingdom crumbled, losing all their spirit. They realized that the efforts against the mongeese kingdom would have to wait, and proposed a truce to their enemy. They would pay heavy taxes on all goods sent in and out of their kingdom for twenty years, and be subject to indirect rule by the mongoose king. In return, the bees could never threaten to fight the mongeese, and would be protected from any enemy until they reestablished their empire. But the bees were not going to give in that easily, and they may lay low for years, but they would be back. They would place a cap in the mongoose’s ass!
The End
In the not too distant future, there lived a mongoose named Bill. He
was the head of an organization called MFBOKB, (Mongeese For the Banishment
Of Killer Bees.) This was a very secret, underground legion you might say,
organization. Only the best of the best were allowed in because, after all,
banishing killer bees was no easy task. These hoardes of killer bees had
taken over the land which rightfully belonged to the mongoose civilazation
and they guarded it with their lives. It is not that simple though. Much
to the mongeeses dismay, the chitin goats had joined forces with the killer
bees thus heightening the stregnth of an already unopposed empire. The
mongeese were a peaceful people, friendly and generous, but this was
thelast straw, the mongoose parliament was at stake and they had to fight
back with full force. It was the eve of the pre-emptive strike on the killer bee city of
Jackmeoff. Bill sat polishing his can of Raid and thinking of strategies to
further advance the mongoose attack. Joining him were thousands of other
mongoose soldiers, and their allies, the Norweigan catfish. They numbered
almost 100,000 all together, but this still was no match for the killer
bee/goat alliance. MFBOKB had been revising their battle stategies for
months with no avail. Almost all had given up hope. However, Bill had a
plan, an unimaginable feat that, if acted out correctly, would annihilate
the killer bee empire for all eternity. He headed towards the Captain
Spong's quarters to address him and tell him of his heroic plan.
However, only one thing stood in his way........
A man, yes a man, stood in the way of Bill's wise plan. But this was no ordinary man, mind you, this was a hockey playing, grasshopper wearing fool of a man, who's only goal in life was to eat mongoose meat and shoot pucks at a net. It seemed like MFBOKB was all but lost, when the ugly, blonde, rower girl appeared to the mongoose kingdom. She knew the likes of men like this, and being manlike in stature herself, this evil bitch decided to aid the mongoose for reasons of her own (you can buy Four Whores in Tallahassee to get her view point of the war). And so, Captain Spong and his 100,000 warriors banded together, ready to die for the peace and prosperity of their homeland. And then the allies of the ugly bitch came to their side. The engineering fat pigs of Albania, the really small Newberry hurlers of New fork, and even Michael Jackson, they all came to help
Now MFBOKB was anything but fearful. They joined hands and sang praise to their Lord, Krieger. They also sacrificed three small Newberrians and
fourteen Johnsonians with very larges asses (of which they feasted upon
before the sacrifice.) The God Krieger was very thankful for their
sacrifices and sent them large amounts of free pornography and dildos. The
planets were aligned for the Mongoose victory, now nothing could stop them.
The night soon grew darker and darker, and as it did the anxiety of the
battle in the morning weighed on the Mongeese and their allies like very
large breasts on rower girl. Ah yes, there was no sleep on this night.
Minutes passed like hours, and hours like days. And then, after what seemed
like an eternity, the Albanian rooster crowed, signaling the start of a new
day. The 100,000 warriors commenced in having the biggest orgy ever
recorded in Mongoose history, for good luck. Then they were off, off to the
far reaches of Jackmeoff, and for some of them the realization set in that
they would not cum home. But that did not dwindle their spirits, to die for
MFBOKB is to die for a cause, and there was no fear in that. They started
on what would be a 4 hour journey, prepared to fight and prepared to die
Far away a large hive of killer bees was born, a new breed unlike any seen before. You see, the killer bees and the chitin goats had made sacrifices(small boobs, symbolizing the defeat of the God Krieger) to their goddess Peroxide, and in return she sent them the birth of many new, stronger warrior bees(not to mention a lot of horny hawks to eat the cat fish in the upcoming battle). In Jackmeoff, the main forces were being made ready for the attack, and the Chitin goats had their own stronghold prepared in Gigolo village, about 2000 miles away. These things were known by the mongeese spies, and it was the hope of the bees that they would be drawn to the mountains of Emoni; this was the easiest way to Jackmeoff, and a place where the Mongeese thought they had allies with the rock throwing hordes of Genia. But the spy had not been near the area in over a month, and since then the bees and the goats had let loose a vicious group of penguins, whom when away from their natural environment did nothing but destroy rock throwing hordes from Genia(not sure how that works, but just shut the fuck up and read on). And so, not only did the bees have their new breed of badass killer bees, but they had cool looking, pissed off penguins to their disposal. And so they themselves were ready to fight to the death.
The mongeese hoard and their allies were spotted entering the Tomb of Karenina Harrisia., a cemetery for women with white hair and ugly shoulders. This pathway would lead them through Emoni, and the penguin beasts told the bee overlord that the mongeese could not be more than a couple of hundred miles away. Meanwhile, Captain Spong felt it necessary to say a few words to his men and beg the god Krieger for victory. Spong yelled for his men to halt and they did so. They proceeded to join hands and sing "Kuhbaya my Lord". Just then Darth Vader and Yoda came onto the scene, and Yoda made some wicked moves in midair to get catch his enemy off guard. With mouths wide open, the mongeese looked on in awe. “Gees, Focker, I wish we could have a dude like that fighting for us”, said Yumisa, and the army agreed to halt the fight to ask. Right as they were about to ask, however, a bunch of green pipes came out of the ground and a fat ass dude jumped out with red suspenders on. “what the fuck is this guy doing here”, said one of the men. “I dunno, but I’d like to get a piece of that” ( this was said by one of the homo mongeeses, a dude rumored for having given HIV to half of his tribe back home). But that was nothing compared to what happened next on that field. A monkey, yes a monkey, dropped down from the sky and proceeded to try and get the attention of the dude in the trousers. Hey little fellow, said the dude, and he reached down to pet it. Just then, the monkey pounced up and hit the shit out of him. “ That’s for trying to say man came from monkeys”, said the monkey. “”And for thinking that your game is anything compared to Diddy Kong”. Then the monkey vanished, and the mongeese decided they would have some fun and try and shove the green thing in one of the pipes. But right as they were about to do so, their commander entered the scene, having gone in the brush a few hundred yards away to get a blow job from one of the few women in the army. “What the hell is going on here men”, said the commander. “Um sir, I’m not entirely sure”, said the man next in command. “First this metal dude and this bad ass green thing started fighting with some kind of Cinderella wand thingy, and then this guy in red popped up and got the shit kicked out of him by a monkey. It was pretty damn hilarious if you ask me” “Well, sergeant, I hope you can explain this to the leader when we get back home,. Because this is not what I would expect from a soldier. Now, let’s fetch some water and get going. It’s about to be dark, and we catch them by surprise.” (on a lighter note, none of the characters in this scene were really hurt. So for all you pansies out there, Mario was fine)
The new breed of bees was made ready, put in the lines with their brothers in arms. They had poison but on their stingers, and the Chitin goats were notified that war was about to begin. Meanwhile, Rower girl caught a brigade of the goats by surprise, going down the Beji River which was right outside of Gigolo Village. They had bows and arrows, and 100 strong, these men and women were later considered by many historians to be the strongest part of the army(little did these historians know, the only reason they killed as well as they did was because many of the Newberrians with them did all the up close killing). This would mark the beginning of the war, What sucked, however, was that the Norwegian catfish were being ripped to shreds by the horny hawks. So, with the catfish and the Chitin Goats being subject to heavy casualties, many on both realized it may come down to the fight between bee and mongoose.
“O h my God, master, said the apprentice Georgiou. I think we have done it.” Georgiou and his master Henriti were under a charter by the llama king, and had been attempting to create some sort of sucking device( for what it was attended they did not know). One of the best welders in all the lands, Henriti had worked for months in trying to prefect his prototype, and with the work of his small subject Georgiou they had finished their product. They presented it to the King and his counsel, and then they were both capped because of their knowledge of it ( The families of both llamas would seek revenge on the King later on, which you will see in the sequel to this story). In a secret alliance with one of the sects of the Mongoose Empire, the Llamas had been asked to create this vacuum to fight against the bees. This was in strict violation of the codes of the MFBOKB, who felt this sort of vacuum was against the ethics of warfare. But the llamas and this particular sect of mongeese had a score to settle, and they would take the chance of being banished, so long as the bees were killed for good. I know you are thinking, damn, why don’t you shut the fuck up and finish the story, motherfucker, but these are all vital details in understanding what was about to go down in one of the bloodiest fights the animal kingdom had ever scene. But while this vacuum would be a vital weapon in the demolition of the bee lines, the bees had constructed a master plan themselves. They knew the mongeese hated any sort of liquor because of their religious nature, and so they planned to hold a party for the mongeese and spike their drinks without them knowing. Although this was a ridiculously idiotic plan, they had full faith that the mongeese would not only have a party with bees they hated, but that they would also take drinks from them and keep drinking even after they knew the drinks were spiked. Thus, the mongeese would be helpless to the bees, and be annihilated
Georgiou and Henriti rushed up to Captain Spong just before the battle was about to be waged. "Captain we have done it, we have the ultimate weapon of destruction!" Captain Spong, quite confused as to what this device was, stood there dumbfounded. After a moment of silence, he placed the sucking device on his nipple and turned it on. "Gentlemen, this is brilliant," he uttered. But Geogiou and Henriti quickly explained to him that the device was for the killer bees and not for personal mongoose pleasure. With little time left to spare, the captain deployed 248 of his finest soldiers to maneuver the sucking device. The bee's seeing this, turned around in a desperate attempt to flee. But it was too late, the majority of the bees were sucked in. And those that got away did not return. The mongeese and their allies yelled their victory chant: "We whooped your ass, and peanut butter has many uses!!!" But just as the mongeese and their allies were turning around to head to the barracks, they realized something; they had been invited to party a couple
Days ago and it was going to start in like an hour! Mongeese were a very presentable breed and it was essential that they look their best for this extravaganza. They dropped everything and headed to the salon to prep. Captain Spong paid a ridiculous sum of money to have his hair highlighted and his bikini line waxed (yes, his pubes.) He felt he was ready, until he saw Focker. Damn was he looking fine, his hair was in some sort of up-do and he evidently had been using a very provocative shade of lipstick. Spong felt a stirring in his pants, but ignored it. “Been there, done him,” he thought to himself. After everyone was ready they met up at “XXX Mongoose Strip Club.” After a couple minutes of lap dances, they turned to head to the bee headquarters, where the party was being held. They rung the doorbell and were surprised to see many friendly bee faces and a ridiculous amount of liquor. They entered with high hopes.
Lucky for the mongeese, this was grab a stinger night, and all the fine lady bees were there. "Oh my God dude, I think that bee just winked at me", said Renardo. "No dude, she was looking at me", said his friend, Ducka." She noticed the six pack I've been working on". Meanwhile, a couple of the male bees brought in the kegs, and everyone started to party. The d.j got the place hopping like Rower Girl's Mom in the back of a car with a McDonald’s manager, and the place got hot. There were lady bees flashing their stingers, mongeese dudes intermixing with bee dudes, and everything was just peachy keen. Then it happened! Glass broke from above, and everyone fell to the floor. "Everyone get down now", said the men that fell through the roof, and they proceeded to pull out their vacuums. The mongeese and bees alike were in shock, because this weapon hadn't been seen by anyone. Then the masked fiends revealed themselves, only to put the horrid weapon on their face. "What the fuck, Coronal! Why are you here?" said beanie. " Corporal, don't you know that alcohol is one of our only weaknesses, save for hairy naked circus women? These bees are not trying to bee (haha, I got a pun in) your friends, they are just trying to give you a killer hangover and then use their gorgeous women to sting you to death. That way they save all their strength for the fight tomorrow. "Oh yeah, we forgot about that" said Duck. "Now report back to base son, this isn't going to be a pretty sight." As they left the room, only Kunch saw the horror of the scene, with vacuums roaring and bee parts being crushed to bits. But he couldn't speak!....
Back at mongoose headquarters everything was going great! Colonel Dildo
and his masked warriors had annihilated most of the bees at the party and word
had come that the majority of the bee forces had been destroyed. The
mongeese were optimistic about the future of this war now. But little did they
know that the bees were not that easy to get rid of. A secret organization of
bee's who called themselves KBTOYS (killer bee's taking over your stove) had
formed a militia and were prepared to avenge the death of their brothers.....It was a rainy, disgusting morning back at the killer bee city of Anushair. The bee militia was on their way to the cemetery of Karenina Harrisia to pay tribute to their brothers. They reflected upon the hundreds of thousands of bees killed in the recent battle. This act made their thirst for revenge almost intolerable. KBTOYS didn't fuck around when it came to avenging their comrades. They rushed back to headquarters to formulate a new plan to rid the world of mongeese once and for all
The mongeese hoard and their allies spotted the killer bee forces dead ahead. They couldn't be more than a mile away. At this time, Captain Spong felt it necessary to say a few words to his men and beg the god Krieger for victory. Spong yelled for his men to halt and they did so. They proceeded to join hands and sing "Kuhbaya my Lord" when just then thousands of killer bees came rushing at them. The mongeese jumped up ready to defend their homeland.!
What happened over the next few weeks cannot be described in words. The Mongeese were heavily armed with their vacuums and other various devices, but the bees were much more in number and used their stingers to disable many of the recently made vacuums. The Mongeese ran out of resources in many parts of Craigland and Geadecia, and they suffered heavy losses to the Chitin goats as a result. The Norwegian catfish were annihilated by the horny hawks, and unfortunately Rower Girl was killed. The truly sad part about her death was that it was self-inflicted. She was bathing naked with many of the ladies in her tribe when a strong current pushed her out from the river bed. She tried to grab the hand of her lover Frolic, but the water was too strong and she drowned in the heavy current. Such a sad story for a girl that had big boobs, loved to row, and was not good for anything but shooting arrows at bees and having sex with women.
Thus, the mongeese were no longer the unified group they had once been. All of their allies were being crushed, and even the Newberry hurlers were almost defeated. What the mongeese failed to realize was that, although the bees did have hives that were creating new warriors, and the horny hawks were doing quite well on the battlefield, the bee’s main weapon came after the killing of many of their comrades at the bee party. KBTOYS had over the previous few years created thousands of Lizzie McGuire cd’s, and had sold them to the mongeese population. The mongeese had become so preoccupied by her music (because of its annoying lesbian tendencies) that the bees had been able to create large sums of biological weapons, and now that the war had begun were using it on the unsuspecting mongeese.
However, there were many spies and inside sources that had in fact known about this plot, and had warned the mongeese long before the war had even been formulated. The Mongoose King let only his cabinet know of the bees plan, and they hoped that the bees would believe when the time came that they were winning the war. They might have to sacrifice thousands of soldiers, but they had a far better plan than the bees could ever dreamed up. You see, the bees were salsa dancers, and their favorite music artist was Ricky Martin and his song “vivir la vida loca”. Thus over the past few months they used their sources inside the bee kingdom to sell hundreds of thousands of Ricky Martin cd’s, and basically used the same plot of the bees against their enemy. The mongooses may have been copying bastards, but they knew what they were doing. As the war waged on and it became clear that the bees would eventually gain victory, the Queen bee made an appearance in the small town of Ugo Diatcha. The town had been one of the few that had been ran sacked by the Newberry hurlers and the pigs, and the few citizens that left pleaded to speak with the queen. The mongeese knew of this occasion, and had snipers in all corners of the village. A few of their men were disguised, so as to keep the bee queen occupied. As the queen made her rounds, they made ready.
“ Ah madam, I assure you that our forces are on the move further and further into the mongeese territory, and we will keep this strike of theirs in mine when we capture their king.” The queen continued talking to the old hag bee, and right as she turned to greet another kind citizen she looked up and saw the mongeese sniper glaring down from high above. “ Guards!!!!” But it was too late. She was shot right above the heart, but before the paramedics got there her pulse had stopped. She had bled to death, lying in the arms of one of her best friends ever, Ujot. So now there was only one queen bee left, and she was almost dead from age. So the bee kingdom crumbled, losing all their spirit. They realized that the efforts against the mongeese kingdom would have to wait, and proposed a truce to their enemy. They would pay heavy taxes on all goods sent in and out of their kingdom for twenty years, and be subject to indirect rule by the mongoose king. In return, the bees could never threaten to fight the mongeese, and would be protected from any enemy until they reestablished their empire. But the bees were not going to give in that easily, and they may lay low for years, but they would be back. They would place a cap in the mongoose’s ass!
The End