(no subject)
sooooo
i really haven't updated this in a really long time.
and I only do it when like kinda bigish stuff happens i GUESS... sooo yah
the big thing this time is that I am in college.... YES. college. I know its ONLY JUNE but I am doing a summer session at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo because that is my college and then im staying here for fall and all that good stuff. but im coming home after this 5 week session for like 2 months almost.
sooo yah. i just moved in yesterday. and that went pretty well. I managed not to forget anything.. except like a little remote for my ipod player thing. but that doesnt even matter. so whatever.
My room mate's name is Mary and there are like only 7 other girls on my floor. so its pretty small and stuff..
and OMG. i miss home like crazy. I feel so fucking stupid for feeling like this but its just like.. super hard. like.. im a realllly independent person and i dont mind doing things on my own and Im not like really attached to my family and stuff but like all the comforts of home are like.. completely gone. i miss all my friends soo much. i just dont feel comfortable yet and I hate it. even tho im a really social person, and I make friends easily and stuff... its still juts so uncomfy. cuz like, you are forced to live with someone who you dont know ANYHTING about. Like, with my friends at home and stuff, I have known them for a like a pretty effing long time. like seeing everyone at home almost everyday and stuff, that is like HELLA history you know? and then I don't know anything about any of these girls and its juts wayyy outside of my comfort zone
at home is different because you are familiar with the area and you know in your mind even if you dont think about it that you COULD hang out with your friends if you wanted to or you COULD go to a familiar mall or store or something. and its all at your fingertips and you have known that for SO long and now, you CANT go hang out with your friends, you CANT go to a familiar mall. NOTHING is familiar.
i cant go to MY room like and climb up on my bed even if i am like 8 inches from the ceiling and I cant go see Beauty when Im stressed and mad and stuff and just brush her and ride or go on a trial ride with juliana and sing fucking AVRIL LAVIGNE with her on the top of our lungs and scare people on the trails. and i cant go to oakridge and see a movie or go to los altos and see Tsuby. and he cant just come over and see me. and it fucking SUCKS. and I know that I will get over it and stuff.. its just a matter of time but for right now, I just wanna go home and get a hug and a kiss from tsuby and scare people in the hallway at harker with swasti and urvashe and everyone.
Like... last night, on out FIRST night here... we all went to a party.. which first of all, I dont really drink that much. I dont really like the feeling and I get really bad asian glow SOOO yes. ALC and sara dont get along that well. so like all the girls were like YAHHH party. and my room mate is here with her friend from h.s who is going here too. so they are like already best friends. literally. and its juts REALLY hard to go in on a group like that.
LIke i have a feeling like im not really going to get to know my room mate that well because shes going to be with her other friend the whole time and thats fine you know Caitlin is REALLY nice and stuff its just hard to bond with the person you are LIVING with when you can't get to know them that well..
ANYWAYS back to the party
so like im not into the party scence really unless its with people I for sure for sure know and like who are my friends.. otherwise its like... really akward. But so we went to this one guys house first all people I dont know but who my hall mates know... and like they were like seniors in college and like there was just a lot of shit im not used to in an unfamiliar setting ON TOP OF THAT so there was just like weed everywhere and like bongs and pipes and it smelled bad and all that GREAT stuff. and i was cool with that like w/e it was a chill setting and a small group of people but then it just got more uncomfy for me at that other guys house. Since I only really go to parties when I'm with Tsuby or other FRIENDS from home, it was werid to see people fighting and like fucking trashed and shit and like hella party scene. i had like 2.5 shots and was buzzed and like was feeling crappy anyways cuz i felt REALLY out of place and my room mates and shit were just like all familiar with the people and stuff and were like all over the guys and shit and i was like.. ahh this is wayyy too much for me right now. I just got really home sick and friend sick and most of all i got really Tsuby sick.
So I called him and once i heard like his voice i fucking started like HELLA crying. it was soo bad. it was juts like the only familiarity was like 200 miles away. and there is NOTHING i can do about it. and i know i know i know i know this is really emo sounding and shit but like i think the people who have been to college and shit and have had to do this understand. and if you haven't, trust me, you will.
so he calmed me down a bit and talked to me and omggg i love that boy so much its not even funny. and so i went back to the party (cuz i had stepped out and walked a little) and we didnt get back till like 3 20 and i went to bed at like 4 00. soo yah
that is my college ness for now. it sucks.
love you guys.
♥ sara
i really haven't updated this in a really long time.
and I only do it when like kinda bigish stuff happens i GUESS... sooo yah
the big thing this time is that I am in college.... YES. college. I know its ONLY JUNE but I am doing a summer session at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo because that is my college and then im staying here for fall and all that good stuff. but im coming home after this 5 week session for like 2 months almost.
sooo yah. i just moved in yesterday. and that went pretty well. I managed not to forget anything.. except like a little remote for my ipod player thing. but that doesnt even matter. so whatever.
My room mate's name is Mary and there are like only 7 other girls on my floor. so its pretty small and stuff..
and OMG. i miss home like crazy. I feel so fucking stupid for feeling like this but its just like.. super hard. like.. im a realllly independent person and i dont mind doing things on my own and Im not like really attached to my family and stuff but like all the comforts of home are like.. completely gone. i miss all my friends soo much. i just dont feel comfortable yet and I hate it. even tho im a really social person, and I make friends easily and stuff... its still juts so uncomfy. cuz like, you are forced to live with someone who you dont know ANYHTING about. Like, with my friends at home and stuff, I have known them for a like a pretty effing long time. like seeing everyone at home almost everyday and stuff, that is like HELLA history you know? and then I don't know anything about any of these girls and its juts wayyy outside of my comfort zone
at home is different because you are familiar with the area and you know in your mind even if you dont think about it that you COULD hang out with your friends if you wanted to or you COULD go to a familiar mall or store or something. and its all at your fingertips and you have known that for SO long and now, you CANT go hang out with your friends, you CANT go to a familiar mall. NOTHING is familiar.
i cant go to MY room like and climb up on my bed even if i am like 8 inches from the ceiling and I cant go see Beauty when Im stressed and mad and stuff and just brush her and ride or go on a trial ride with juliana and sing fucking AVRIL LAVIGNE with her on the top of our lungs and scare people on the trails. and i cant go to oakridge and see a movie or go to los altos and see Tsuby. and he cant just come over and see me. and it fucking SUCKS. and I know that I will get over it and stuff.. its just a matter of time but for right now, I just wanna go home and get a hug and a kiss from tsuby and scare people in the hallway at harker with swasti and urvashe and everyone.
Like... last night, on out FIRST night here... we all went to a party.. which first of all, I dont really drink that much. I dont really like the feeling and I get really bad asian glow SOOO yes. ALC and sara dont get along that well. so like all the girls were like YAHHH party. and my room mate is here with her friend from h.s who is going here too. so they are like already best friends. literally. and its juts REALLY hard to go in on a group like that.
LIke i have a feeling like im not really going to get to know my room mate that well because shes going to be with her other friend the whole time and thats fine you know Caitlin is REALLY nice and stuff its just hard to bond with the person you are LIVING with when you can't get to know them that well..
ANYWAYS back to the party
so like im not into the party scence really unless its with people I for sure for sure know and like who are my friends.. otherwise its like... really akward. But so we went to this one guys house first all people I dont know but who my hall mates know... and like they were like seniors in college and like there was just a lot of shit im not used to in an unfamiliar setting ON TOP OF THAT so there was just like weed everywhere and like bongs and pipes and it smelled bad and all that GREAT stuff. and i was cool with that like w/e it was a chill setting and a small group of people but then it just got more uncomfy for me at that other guys house. Since I only really go to parties when I'm with Tsuby or other FRIENDS from home, it was werid to see people fighting and like fucking trashed and shit and like hella party scene. i had like 2.5 shots and was buzzed and like was feeling crappy anyways cuz i felt REALLY out of place and my room mates and shit were just like all familiar with the people and stuff and were like all over the guys and shit and i was like.. ahh this is wayyy too much for me right now. I just got really home sick and friend sick and most of all i got really Tsuby sick.
So I called him and once i heard like his voice i fucking started like HELLA crying. it was soo bad. it was juts like the only familiarity was like 200 miles away. and there is NOTHING i can do about it. and i know i know i know i know this is really emo sounding and shit but like i think the people who have been to college and shit and have had to do this understand. and if you haven't, trust me, you will.
so he calmed me down a bit and talked to me and omggg i love that boy so much its not even funny. and so i went back to the party (cuz i had stepped out and walked a little) and we didnt get back till like 3 20 and i went to bed at like 4 00. soo yah
that is my college ness for now. it sucks.
love you guys.
♥ sara