Trying Not to be a Drama Llama
I feel lame.
I must be.
There is no other explanation.
Unless I'm also immature and uninteresting.
That could be it too.
*sigh*
That is all.
^ Lol. I wrote that a different day and never published it and I guess it saved as a draft. It's basically what I wanted to say anyways. I feel like I'm just not cool enough. My facebook statuses and twitter updates must be too silly or stupid and I do it way too often. I need to cut down on that too. I want people to like me and pay attention to me, but I think everything I do just has the opposite effect. I try to be chatty and friendly, but it just makes it worse. I dont want anymore creepy guys talking to me I want the cool fun kind that only talk to you because they think youre the same way. I want to have more than two friends at school that I hang out with because they're either studying or working. I feel lonely there sometimes especially when I see that everyone else has whole groups of friends to hang with. I want more cosplay and anime friends as well that I've talked to at a convention or meetup. And to actually talk with and not be nervous around those that I have made. i.e jw. I was such a freaking dope around him and barely even talking. I'm a dope towards any new person. Why can't I just be myself? I'm too afraid of what people will think if I act too silly or say something that isn't funny that I thought was. But in the end, not saying anything is just as bad. And guess whose fault all this is? Only mine. And I'm not even doing anything to change it. I want to become more outgoing, I really do. But when it comes down to it I fail. I want people to Want to be around me, but they can't do that if they don't even remember who I am. I'm just frustrated with myself and needed to write it out cause I've been in a slump since I came home yesterday. I should have been happy since I was with my dad in chicago all day, but then I get to thinking about things and I bring Myself down. I know I shouldn't be thinking these things, but sometimes they find a way to push their way into my head. I'm twenty years old and I should be figuring these things out by now. I don't have this youth forever and I hate the feeling that I'm wasting any time I have for improvement.
-sigh- oh well. At least now I've gotten it out somewhat. Now the rest is up to me to actually do something about it.
I must be.
There is no other explanation.
Unless I'm also immature and uninteresting.
That could be it too.
*sigh*
That is all.
^ Lol. I wrote that a different day and never published it and I guess it saved as a draft. It's basically what I wanted to say anyways. I feel like I'm just not cool enough. My facebook statuses and twitter updates must be too silly or stupid and I do it way too often. I need to cut down on that too. I want people to like me and pay attention to me, but I think everything I do just has the opposite effect. I try to be chatty and friendly, but it just makes it worse. I dont want anymore creepy guys talking to me I want the cool fun kind that only talk to you because they think youre the same way. I want to have more than two friends at school that I hang out with because they're either studying or working. I feel lonely there sometimes especially when I see that everyone else has whole groups of friends to hang with. I want more cosplay and anime friends as well that I've talked to at a convention or meetup. And to actually talk with and not be nervous around those that I have made. i.e jw. I was such a freaking dope around him and barely even talking. I'm a dope towards any new person. Why can't I just be myself? I'm too afraid of what people will think if I act too silly or say something that isn't funny that I thought was. But in the end, not saying anything is just as bad. And guess whose fault all this is? Only mine. And I'm not even doing anything to change it. I want to become more outgoing, I really do. But when it comes down to it I fail. I want people to Want to be around me, but they can't do that if they don't even remember who I am. I'm just frustrated with myself and needed to write it out cause I've been in a slump since I came home yesterday. I should have been happy since I was with my dad in chicago all day, but then I get to thinking about things and I bring Myself down. I know I shouldn't be thinking these things, but sometimes they find a way to push their way into my head. I'm twenty years old and I should be figuring these things out by now. I don't have this youth forever and I hate the feeling that I'm wasting any time I have for improvement.
-sigh- oh well. At least now I've gotten it out somewhat. Now the rest is up to me to actually do something about it.