NaNo 2011: Guilty Lament
Day 9: Guilty Lament
Summary: It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
I never meant to hurt anyone. I mean, sure, the shop owners would lose the jewelry I stole, but that's what insurance is for, right? And they'd recover, eventually. Not like me. I needed those gems, needed the money I'd get from hocking those gaudy necklaces.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I thought the gun was fake. He'd told me the gun was fake, that it wasn't loaded! I never meant to shoot anyone, really. I never thought that they'd resist when I pulled the gun and ordered them to put the goods in a bag. Why did they have to fight? When the cashier grabbed my gun, tried to pull it out of my hand, I didn't think. It was instinctual, pulling the trigger. I didn't know it would actually fire. It wasn't supposed to, he said so!
When the police showed up and cuffed me, I was still too much in shock to react. I'd killed a man, honestly killed him. The jewelry wasn't worth that, would never be worth it. Oh Christ, I killed someone for a couple of bundles of cash. What was going to happen to me now? Don't people get life sentences or, oh God, the death penalty for murder? That couldn't happen to me! All I wanted was an easy chance for money to pay for Kayla's surgery. I wasn't supposed to go to prison!
When an officer manhandled me out of the squad car at the station, I was shaking too badly to keep on my feet. I slumped to my knees on the concrete, heaving in great gulps of air. Why wasn't there enough air? I could barely breathe and my head was spinning too much for me to be certain of what happened next.
There was some sort of red light in my eye, momentarily blinding me, and the officers were shouting about something, their clothes rustling as they pulled out their weapons. It was as if I was suddenly hyperaware of everything around me, as if I could hear everything from the idling traffic down on Main to the wheezing cat under a parked car. The officer who'd cuffed me cocked his gun with a snap that seemed to resound in my head, but I couldn't see what he was aiming at. His shoes squeaked as he moved to lunge in front of me, but before he could block the shot, there was a loud bang and I could feel my body being forced backwards as if dragged back from a single point on my head. Fleetingly, I had the thought that hitting the concrete headfirst would hurt.
Everything went black before I felt the pain or the impact.
Summary: It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
I never meant to hurt anyone. I mean, sure, the shop owners would lose the jewelry I stole, but that's what insurance is for, right? And they'd recover, eventually. Not like me. I needed those gems, needed the money I'd get from hocking those gaudy necklaces.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I thought the gun was fake. He'd told me the gun was fake, that it wasn't loaded! I never meant to shoot anyone, really. I never thought that they'd resist when I pulled the gun and ordered them to put the goods in a bag. Why did they have to fight? When the cashier grabbed my gun, tried to pull it out of my hand, I didn't think. It was instinctual, pulling the trigger. I didn't know it would actually fire. It wasn't supposed to, he said so!
When the police showed up and cuffed me, I was still too much in shock to react. I'd killed a man, honestly killed him. The jewelry wasn't worth that, would never be worth it. Oh Christ, I killed someone for a couple of bundles of cash. What was going to happen to me now? Don't people get life sentences or, oh God, the death penalty for murder? That couldn't happen to me! All I wanted was an easy chance for money to pay for Kayla's surgery. I wasn't supposed to go to prison!
When an officer manhandled me out of the squad car at the station, I was shaking too badly to keep on my feet. I slumped to my knees on the concrete, heaving in great gulps of air. Why wasn't there enough air? I could barely breathe and my head was spinning too much for me to be certain of what happened next.
There was some sort of red light in my eye, momentarily blinding me, and the officers were shouting about something, their clothes rustling as they pulled out their weapons. It was as if I was suddenly hyperaware of everything around me, as if I could hear everything from the idling traffic down on Main to the wheezing cat under a parked car. The officer who'd cuffed me cocked his gun with a snap that seemed to resound in my head, but I couldn't see what he was aiming at. His shoes squeaked as he moved to lunge in front of me, but before he could block the shot, there was a loud bang and I could feel my body being forced backwards as if dragged back from a single point on my head. Fleetingly, I had the thought that hitting the concrete headfirst would hurt.
Everything went black before I felt the pain or the impact.