(no subject)
When you least expect things to happen they do. Days are rushing by but I feel like im stuck in time. People continue with their lives and I feel like its just swirling around me as I stay still in my own snowglobe. It was raining and I saw that he had had a car accident I pulled over because it was my instinct to check if he was ok what I didnt know that I was pulling over to get the news I never wanted to hear. He was fine and it was just a fender bender. We hadnt spoken in years. Then I got the news he was taking his girlfriend to Macedonia and proposing. With a million things rushing through my head all I could say was thats awesome. "Thats awesome" how cheesy how cliche how unrealisticly unexciting on my behalf. Could he tell I was stuck at my emotions and couldnt find any other words to say. And of course his gf was already at the scene so my job was done bc he was ok and it really was minor accident but I left feeling like a huge tanker hit me straight on and just blew up in my face I had just had the accident in the pouring rain and Im not against the wedding because Im sure and have no doutb shell say no and not because he was for me or because I have feelings for him but because we never had closure and he was looking into the future. I thought about writing him a letter or going to talk to him before his exciting trip to europe but I figured it was best to just have the closure myself and move on. He doesnt need the grief or the opening of wounds and frankly im sure his wounds have heeled and his has his new shiny coat of skin. I need new shiny skin.