Alicia/Kalinda- "I miss this"
For SJL's 2013 Summer Ficathon
prompt: Alicia/Kalinda- "I miss this"
Court adjourns at 4:15, and Alicia heads to the restroom. After, as she’s washing her hands, her mind is blank and she is enjoying a moment of mindlessness, hands warm under the water. She hears a flush, then a stall opening, and she looks up.
It’s Kalinda, the first time they have run into each other since Alicia’s left Lockhart Gardner. Alicia’s embarrassed by not having spoken to Kalinda about leaving Lockhart Gardner, and resents feeling small at her own failing (more often than with anyone else, she feels this with Kalinda and fleetingly wonders why). But Kalinda greets her as if it hasn’t been weeks, as if it’s perfectly normal to not speak to your best friend about changing jobs, as if everything is exactly the same as it’s been.
“Hey”
That makes it easy for Alicia to meet her eyes in the mirror, and smile, and without thinking, she finds herself saying “I’m done for the day, are you free for a drink?”, as she turns to get a paper towel.
Kalinda nods, “Sure.”
As Alicia is trying to come up with a place where they can go, someplace close that won’t be full of lawyers and clients and judges, Kalinda offers, “My apartment isn’t far, would you like to come over?”
Alicia’s surprised, but tries not to show it. Kalinda looks completely unperturbed, as if she hasn’t just broken a rule. Of course, Alicia’s not sure it’s a rule, but she’s as close to Kalinda as anyone, and it’s a first. “Sure” she says, as nonchalantly as she can.
The lobby of Kalinda’s building is nondescript, brown terrazzo tile floors and a steel elevator. As they ride up, Kalinda warns, “Don’t mind the wallpaper, it’s hideous.” When the door slides open, Alicia is glad for the warning. Even so, as she looks at Kalinda watching her, she can’t keep a straight face-Kalinda’s smirk is contagious.
They make it inside Kalinda’s apartment, trading smiles. Kalinda slides out of her jacket and tosses it onto a chair, and invites Alicia to settle in. She thinks about the changes Nick made, pushing the chairs in the living room into a seating group, and the two stools he added to the kitchen and is glad that she hasn’t gotten rid of them.
In a moment, Alicia’s drops her case and tosses her jacket aside, too.
“Wine? Tequila? Something else?” Kalinda offers.
“Um, would tea be too much trouble?”
“Tea’s easy. How do you take it?” Kalinda replies, filling a pot with water and settling it on the stove.
“with milk?”
“Do you mind ginger?”
“I’ve never had it that way, but sure, I like ginger.”
Kalinda nods, opening a cabinet and retrieving a sack of tea. She measures a small handful of leaves, and dumps them into the water. Next, she takes a container of milk and a hunk of ginger from the refrigerator. Using a rolling pin, she smashes the ginger and tosses it into the water. She pulls two mugs from a cabinet. The milk goes into one mug and from there into the microwave.
Alicia likes watching Kalinda fix tea, although she jumps when the rolling pin comes down on the ginger. Leave it to Kalinda to make fixing tea into something that requires the kitchen equivalent of a baseball bat.
A few moments later, the milk is hot, and the water has boiled. Kalinda adds the milk to the tea, stirs, and pours two mugs. She watches Alicia blow on the surface to cool it, and then taste.
“That’s good!” she says.
“Surprised?…” Kalinda teases lightly.
“No.” Alicia isn’t, really. There is so much that she doesn’t know about Kalinda, that she has a secret recipe for tea is exactly what Alicia should have suspected. It occurs to Alicia that there is a lot that they both don’t know about each other and it’s actually not anyone’s fault, so much as their different origins and the fact that most of their conversations have been about work. Sure, at one time, Alicia shared some superficial stuff about her crush on Will while Kalinda kept things close, but even then, Alicia knew that stuff didn’t matter, didn’t define either of them. Maybe what’s actually surprising is how like-minded they are, how attuned they are to each other.
“We’re not colleagues anymore”, Alicia observes.
“No” Kalinda agrees.
“Things with my husband, since he’s been governor…it’s almost all business. I used to think I knew what was black and what was white. But now, I don’t know, or even care anymore.” Alicia looks sideways, wondering if Kalinda understands her meaning.
Kalinda isn’t sure what type of reveal might come next, although it certainly seems that something should. That in itself is surprising; they’d rarely discussed anything personal since their friendship had rebooted.
“Are you seeing anyone?” Alicia asks.
Again, Kalinda turns to Alicia and tries to read her intent. She’s neutral, curious, and it could be just a friendly question, but Kalinda thinks there is something more.
“No” Kalinda replies.
Alicia nods. Then she says, very simply, “So let’s go out sometime.”
Kalinda stills and it’s clear that she understands that Alicia means ‘on a date’. Alicia is relieved that she does not have to clarify.
Kalinda is surprised that Alicia asked; she hadn’t expected it. Kalinda feels caught off guard, which doesn’t happen often. When it does though, usually it has something to do with Alicia. Had Alicia known that, she would have been pleased.
Carefully, Kalinda says, “I didn’t know you felt that way about me.”
Alicia looks down at her tea cup. “It’s always been complicated with us, Kalinda.”
Kalinda can’t argue with that. She feels Alicia’s hand on her arm, warm.
After a moment, Kalinda adds, “I’m not good at relationships, Alicia, I never have been.”
Alicia gives Kalinda’s arm a squeeze. “Actually, of the two if us, I think you’re the one who’s kept our friendship together.” Alicia offers.
Off Kalinda’s skeptical look, she adds, “It’s true. I didn’t make it easy, either. You were steady, even when I was awful to you. I’ve gathered bits from Cary, Eli, my kids, and there are probably things I don’t know about, as well.”
“Is that what this is about? You feeling like you need to clear the books?”
“No, Kalinda. It’s not that. ” Alicia plays with her teacup. “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.” She plays with her teacup some more and then adds, “I never really missed Peter, and I don’t miss Will, but I’ve missed you. I don’t know what this is,” Alicia gestures, indicating the (lack of) space between them, “but I’d like to find out.”
Then she waits, awkward.
Kalinda knows, at least for herself, has known since she stayed to face Nick. But knowing, and letting someone else know, are two different things, even if it is Alicia. She thinks how she is now, and how she was before Alicia came to Lockhart-Gardner. Alicia’s hand is still on her arm, still warm, and she likes it there.
When Kalinda doesn’t respond, Alicia’s disappointed. Even so, she wants to let Kalinda off the hook, to make it less awkward. She squeezes Kalinda’s arm again, more gently this time, and adds, “It’s OK, Kalinda, if you don’t want to.” She starts to pull away.
But Kalinda turns into her, not willing to let go. She steps close and lays her cheek on Alicia’s. It is at once the most intimate and tender contact Alicia has ever felt, and she is completely unprepared. Her arms slowly close around Kalinda, and they stay together that way for long minutes, shifting occasionally to fit more closely. Even then, it takes Alicia a moment to realize that she has her answer.
prompt: Alicia/Kalinda- "I miss this"
Court adjourns at 4:15, and Alicia heads to the restroom. After, as she’s washing her hands, her mind is blank and she is enjoying a moment of mindlessness, hands warm under the water. She hears a flush, then a stall opening, and she looks up.
It’s Kalinda, the first time they have run into each other since Alicia’s left Lockhart Gardner. Alicia’s embarrassed by not having spoken to Kalinda about leaving Lockhart Gardner, and resents feeling small at her own failing (more often than with anyone else, she feels this with Kalinda and fleetingly wonders why). But Kalinda greets her as if it hasn’t been weeks, as if it’s perfectly normal to not speak to your best friend about changing jobs, as if everything is exactly the same as it’s been.
“Hey”
That makes it easy for Alicia to meet her eyes in the mirror, and smile, and without thinking, she finds herself saying “I’m done for the day, are you free for a drink?”, as she turns to get a paper towel.
Kalinda nods, “Sure.”
As Alicia is trying to come up with a place where they can go, someplace close that won’t be full of lawyers and clients and judges, Kalinda offers, “My apartment isn’t far, would you like to come over?”
Alicia’s surprised, but tries not to show it. Kalinda looks completely unperturbed, as if she hasn’t just broken a rule. Of course, Alicia’s not sure it’s a rule, but she’s as close to Kalinda as anyone, and it’s a first. “Sure” she says, as nonchalantly as she can.
The lobby of Kalinda’s building is nondescript, brown terrazzo tile floors and a steel elevator. As they ride up, Kalinda warns, “Don’t mind the wallpaper, it’s hideous.” When the door slides open, Alicia is glad for the warning. Even so, as she looks at Kalinda watching her, she can’t keep a straight face-Kalinda’s smirk is contagious.
They make it inside Kalinda’s apartment, trading smiles. Kalinda slides out of her jacket and tosses it onto a chair, and invites Alicia to settle in. She thinks about the changes Nick made, pushing the chairs in the living room into a seating group, and the two stools he added to the kitchen and is glad that she hasn’t gotten rid of them.
In a moment, Alicia’s drops her case and tosses her jacket aside, too.
“Wine? Tequila? Something else?” Kalinda offers.
“Um, would tea be too much trouble?”
“Tea’s easy. How do you take it?” Kalinda replies, filling a pot with water and settling it on the stove.
“with milk?”
“Do you mind ginger?”
“I’ve never had it that way, but sure, I like ginger.”
Kalinda nods, opening a cabinet and retrieving a sack of tea. She measures a small handful of leaves, and dumps them into the water. Next, she takes a container of milk and a hunk of ginger from the refrigerator. Using a rolling pin, she smashes the ginger and tosses it into the water. She pulls two mugs from a cabinet. The milk goes into one mug and from there into the microwave.
Alicia likes watching Kalinda fix tea, although she jumps when the rolling pin comes down on the ginger. Leave it to Kalinda to make fixing tea into something that requires the kitchen equivalent of a baseball bat.
A few moments later, the milk is hot, and the water has boiled. Kalinda adds the milk to the tea, stirs, and pours two mugs. She watches Alicia blow on the surface to cool it, and then taste.
“That’s good!” she says.
“Surprised?…” Kalinda teases lightly.
“No.” Alicia isn’t, really. There is so much that she doesn’t know about Kalinda, that she has a secret recipe for tea is exactly what Alicia should have suspected. It occurs to Alicia that there is a lot that they both don’t know about each other and it’s actually not anyone’s fault, so much as their different origins and the fact that most of their conversations have been about work. Sure, at one time, Alicia shared some superficial stuff about her crush on Will while Kalinda kept things close, but even then, Alicia knew that stuff didn’t matter, didn’t define either of them. Maybe what’s actually surprising is how like-minded they are, how attuned they are to each other.
“We’re not colleagues anymore”, Alicia observes.
“No” Kalinda agrees.
“Things with my husband, since he’s been governor…it’s almost all business. I used to think I knew what was black and what was white. But now, I don’t know, or even care anymore.” Alicia looks sideways, wondering if Kalinda understands her meaning.
Kalinda isn’t sure what type of reveal might come next, although it certainly seems that something should. That in itself is surprising; they’d rarely discussed anything personal since their friendship had rebooted.
“Are you seeing anyone?” Alicia asks.
Again, Kalinda turns to Alicia and tries to read her intent. She’s neutral, curious, and it could be just a friendly question, but Kalinda thinks there is something more.
“No” Kalinda replies.
Alicia nods. Then she says, very simply, “So let’s go out sometime.”
Kalinda stills and it’s clear that she understands that Alicia means ‘on a date’. Alicia is relieved that she does not have to clarify.
Kalinda is surprised that Alicia asked; she hadn’t expected it. Kalinda feels caught off guard, which doesn’t happen often. When it does though, usually it has something to do with Alicia. Had Alicia known that, she would have been pleased.
Carefully, Kalinda says, “I didn’t know you felt that way about me.”
Alicia looks down at her tea cup. “It’s always been complicated with us, Kalinda.”
Kalinda can’t argue with that. She feels Alicia’s hand on her arm, warm.
After a moment, Kalinda adds, “I’m not good at relationships, Alicia, I never have been.”
Alicia gives Kalinda’s arm a squeeze. “Actually, of the two if us, I think you’re the one who’s kept our friendship together.” Alicia offers.
Off Kalinda’s skeptical look, she adds, “It’s true. I didn’t make it easy, either. You were steady, even when I was awful to you. I’ve gathered bits from Cary, Eli, my kids, and there are probably things I don’t know about, as well.”
“Is that what this is about? You feeling like you need to clear the books?”
“No, Kalinda. It’s not that. ” Alicia plays with her teacup. “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.” She plays with her teacup some more and then adds, “I never really missed Peter, and I don’t miss Will, but I’ve missed you. I don’t know what this is,” Alicia gestures, indicating the (lack of) space between them, “but I’d like to find out.”
Then she waits, awkward.
Kalinda knows, at least for herself, has known since she stayed to face Nick. But knowing, and letting someone else know, are two different things, even if it is Alicia. She thinks how she is now, and how she was before Alicia came to Lockhart-Gardner. Alicia’s hand is still on her arm, still warm, and she likes it there.
When Kalinda doesn’t respond, Alicia’s disappointed. Even so, she wants to let Kalinda off the hook, to make it less awkward. She squeezes Kalinda’s arm again, more gently this time, and adds, “It’s OK, Kalinda, if you don’t want to.” She starts to pull away.
But Kalinda turns into her, not willing to let go. She steps close and lays her cheek on Alicia’s. It is at once the most intimate and tender contact Alicia has ever felt, and she is completely unprepared. Her arms slowly close around Kalinda, and they stay together that way for long minutes, shifting occasionally to fit more closely. Even then, it takes Alicia a moment to realize that she has her answer.