for fucks sake
so im living the last year of my life on the other side of the coin. all the things ive done wrong are now being done to me, its probably not intetional and the hope that the end result will be the same is really the only thing that keeps me alive. for those of you ive wronged remember im young and im human. more often than not i never knew what i was doing would cause you harm phyical mental or emotional. while i cannot reverse my actions and wouldnt becuase i value the lessons of time i can say that i am sorry for thosw who were caught in the wake of the destruction i leave.
all i can say for the rest of my life is that i want to live and to love. deeper than any ocean and richer than bill gates. i know i will always be middle class, and thats ok, i know ill never have a lamborguni and thats ok, i have one real dream that i cling to one real dream that motivates me to breathe in and breathe out. that dream is being a parent not great but not bad just good enuff to be there when im needed and make all the right mistakes at all the right times. i want to be a husband and i want to go out the way my grandfather did, similing because he was on his way to be with his wife. am i perfect? hardly, in my life so far ive cheated lied been verbally mentally and damn near physically abuseive. im stubborn and wont back down even when im wrong and i know it. i play too many games too damn loud and i take the ones i love most for granted. my self esteem is crap and i make an ass of my self publicly to have a reason to reamin feeling that way.
the biggest of my crimes i cannot forgive my self for is transposing my feeling for one person on to another. some proof of that crime resides in this Lj and it can stay here. the memory of them is my punishment to myself. the destruction of this crime is 3 fold in the fact that the person who the feelings are truly for gets hurt the copy paste target gets hurt as their feeling s are genuine and mine are not and i get hurt cuz in the end ive broken more than one heart and thats not ok. so when the smoke clears and ive finnaly got it right its looks like i may be way too late. so be it. if i must play the fool till i find my grave then so be it. and may this lj document my monumental failures.
nick was weak, nick was a fool
let him be cast aside and left there
forever
all i can say for the rest of my life is that i want to live and to love. deeper than any ocean and richer than bill gates. i know i will always be middle class, and thats ok, i know ill never have a lamborguni and thats ok, i have one real dream that i cling to one real dream that motivates me to breathe in and breathe out. that dream is being a parent not great but not bad just good enuff to be there when im needed and make all the right mistakes at all the right times. i want to be a husband and i want to go out the way my grandfather did, similing because he was on his way to be with his wife. am i perfect? hardly, in my life so far ive cheated lied been verbally mentally and damn near physically abuseive. im stubborn and wont back down even when im wrong and i know it. i play too many games too damn loud and i take the ones i love most for granted. my self esteem is crap and i make an ass of my self publicly to have a reason to reamin feeling that way.
the biggest of my crimes i cannot forgive my self for is transposing my feeling for one person on to another. some proof of that crime resides in this Lj and it can stay here. the memory of them is my punishment to myself. the destruction of this crime is 3 fold in the fact that the person who the feelings are truly for gets hurt the copy paste target gets hurt as their feeling s are genuine and mine are not and i get hurt cuz in the end ive broken more than one heart and thats not ok. so when the smoke clears and ive finnaly got it right its looks like i may be way too late. so be it. if i must play the fool till i find my grave then so be it. and may this lj document my monumental failures.
nick was weak, nick was a fool
let him be cast aside and left there
forever