uh oh
Right now I feel like most everything in my life is an uh oh. Uh oh, I should have done more on my paper today. Oh well, I guess i'm not feeling stressed enough about it today to actually sit down and do it. That would have been the smart thing to do since it's due on sunday, but in my mind I'm still thinking that I have time to do it on thursday since i'm off again...and it's true i do have time, but how much better would it be to be able to relax on thursday and do something fun. But then i'll feel guilty if i'm not at the house on thursday spending time with my grandma since i hardly ever see her, so i might as well be here working on my paper. And anyway, i'm off again three days next week with no parents at home, so I will have alot of time to relax and do nothing.
Hmmmm....how do i explain the other uh oh in my life. Lately, i've been wanting to have more space and experience life without feeling tied down. Kind of hard to do when other people want to spend so much time with me. I feel bad b/c i'm not making them happy by avoiding the situation and then I feel bad b/c i'm not being true to myself and what I want. It's a no win situation right now. Can you ever outgrow people? That's been a question on my mind lately. Will i ever not feel like i'm being pinned down or have enough space. I'm so hard to figure out...sometimes i want and need space like there's no end to how much i need (it feels infinite and i crave it) and other times i never want to be left alone. I think right now I just want me time. After the demands from work over the past two months, I want Lisa time and everyone else just doesn't seem to understand that since they haven't seen me much during that time and now they want to catch up. I just want to say, don't call me...i'll call you when i feel like i need/want to spend time with you, but apparently it doesn't work that way. Sometimes I wish it did. Uh oh, i'm suffering mentally and emotionally from all of this pressure and i'm desperately trying to find a way out!
Lately, (and i mean like the last week) I've been trying to figure out what will happen with the rest of my life. That's been weighing on my mind alot and I feel like i can't really talk to anyone about it. I feel like whatever I decide on won't be good enough and I'll feel like i'm copping out to my so-called true potential, whatever that might be. I've always thought i'd be a business suit kind of girl, one day an executive in an office for a major corporation or possibly the government, but lately I'm not sure that's what i want. When I think about what i really love, it's reading and i'm trying to figure out how I can incorporate that into a future career. Uh oh, yet another decision to make and i know that i don't like to make decisions, especially life changing ones. Uh oh.
Hmmmm....how do i explain the other uh oh in my life. Lately, i've been wanting to have more space and experience life without feeling tied down. Kind of hard to do when other people want to spend so much time with me. I feel bad b/c i'm not making them happy by avoiding the situation and then I feel bad b/c i'm not being true to myself and what I want. It's a no win situation right now. Can you ever outgrow people? That's been a question on my mind lately. Will i ever not feel like i'm being pinned down or have enough space. I'm so hard to figure out...sometimes i want and need space like there's no end to how much i need (it feels infinite and i crave it) and other times i never want to be left alone. I think right now I just want me time. After the demands from work over the past two months, I want Lisa time and everyone else just doesn't seem to understand that since they haven't seen me much during that time and now they want to catch up. I just want to say, don't call me...i'll call you when i feel like i need/want to spend time with you, but apparently it doesn't work that way. Sometimes I wish it did. Uh oh, i'm suffering mentally and emotionally from all of this pressure and i'm desperately trying to find a way out!
Lately, (and i mean like the last week) I've been trying to figure out what will happen with the rest of my life. That's been weighing on my mind alot and I feel like i can't really talk to anyone about it. I feel like whatever I decide on won't be good enough and I'll feel like i'm copping out to my so-called true potential, whatever that might be. I've always thought i'd be a business suit kind of girl, one day an executive in an office for a major corporation or possibly the government, but lately I'm not sure that's what i want. When I think about what i really love, it's reading and i'm trying to figure out how I can incorporate that into a future career. Uh oh, yet another decision to make and i know that i don't like to make decisions, especially life changing ones. Uh oh.