(no subject)
Basically...wait, was it yesterday? Yeah, it was yesterday. And yesterday I confronted a fear of mine that I hadn't even known was really one of my fears. This girl (we'll call her Fee) works at the place I get my makeup. I've known she's worked there since forever but I've never actually seen her in there before. And of course, the one day I go to pick up cover up for the first time, she's working. So, before she barely saw me, I rushed into the shampoo/skin care isle and just stood there, debating on what to do.
Should I leave? Like, pretend that I was lookign for something, couldn't find it, and just leave? Or no, would that be too obvious? Maybe I should just come back tomorrow. But she might be here tomorrow too...Well, maybe I can just go over there and pick up some cover up. But I don't know what shade I am. Dammit. I'm going to need her help too. Should I just go? Should I?
Of course my heart was hammering and my hands were shaking (which they never do unless I'm either horribly nervous or terrified, and in this case it was both) but I mumbled 'I can do it, I can do this' and walked to the next isle. Fee was helping someone else but then she noticed me and asked me if I needed help, I said I did, and she picked out my cover up for me. I usually don't show I'm nervous but I know she knew I was. But it was quick and painless, and I got my awesome shade and paid and left.
See, Fee kind of makes fun of me. She has tons of friends, she's gorgeous (and as a girl I can say this in a strictly hetero way) and just intimidating. I've never been able to actually speak to her. But I did yesterday, even if it was for something trivial.
And you know, I realized just how damn shy I really am now. I've never confronted a fear like this. I never speak to people who I think are 'out of my league' in popularity or such. I never just do something, even if it scares the living shit out of me. I just stay in my shell and am content with that. But I talked to Fee, I did it, and I think it's made me feel like I can do anything now. Like, for this school year, I can really do it. I can talk to people or handle anything because I have it in me. I do.
It makes me feel great. This year is going to be okay.
It is. For real this time.
Should I leave? Like, pretend that I was lookign for something, couldn't find it, and just leave? Or no, would that be too obvious? Maybe I should just come back tomorrow. But she might be here tomorrow too...Well, maybe I can just go over there and pick up some cover up. But I don't know what shade I am. Dammit. I'm going to need her help too. Should I just go? Should I?
Of course my heart was hammering and my hands were shaking (which they never do unless I'm either horribly nervous or terrified, and in this case it was both) but I mumbled 'I can do it, I can do this' and walked to the next isle. Fee was helping someone else but then she noticed me and asked me if I needed help, I said I did, and she picked out my cover up for me. I usually don't show I'm nervous but I know she knew I was. But it was quick and painless, and I got my awesome shade and paid and left.
See, Fee kind of makes fun of me. She has tons of friends, she's gorgeous (and as a girl I can say this in a strictly hetero way) and just intimidating. I've never been able to actually speak to her. But I did yesterday, even if it was for something trivial.
And you know, I realized just how damn shy I really am now. I've never confronted a fear like this. I never speak to people who I think are 'out of my league' in popularity or such. I never just do something, even if it scares the living shit out of me. I just stay in my shell and am content with that. But I talked to Fee, I did it, and I think it's made me feel like I can do anything now. Like, for this school year, I can really do it. I can talk to people or handle anything because I have it in me. I do.
It makes me feel great. This year is going to be okay.
It is. For real this time.