Yet again.
Happy Birthday to me. Thank you all who sent me birthday wishes, and thank you Hayden for the wonderful cookies. They were excellent. Sara called me today, and I had just then realized how long it had been since we had spoken, or seen each other for that matter. But it felt like no time had elapsed, like we were picking up exactly where we left off and it was only a matter of days...even though by this point, everything's changed, and the world should feel vastly different.
So. Forty Six. How do I feel? Lousy, but age has nothing to do with that. It was a good year, this past one, until very recently. Hopefully I can turn my life back around and make 46 livable. Although exactly how I propose to do that is beyond me.
I could start by getting out of the house and being social again, but I really doubt that's going to happen anytime soon. The last person I saw was Diane, and that was a while ago, plus we were under the influence of drugs and alcohol for the duration of her visit. I had missed her, it was good seeing her again and once I'm able to be seen again, I'd like to visit her again, but I don't know if I could inflict the kind of torture that seeing me now would be on anyone. I saw her back when everything was still numb and I was capable of being a decent human being. Right now, I don't know if anybody would be up to the perilous task of trying to be around me. I wouldn't recommend it. I'll return to the living when being in my presence wouldn't drive the average human being to homicide.
So. Forty Six. How do I feel? Lousy, but age has nothing to do with that. It was a good year, this past one, until very recently. Hopefully I can turn my life back around and make 46 livable. Although exactly how I propose to do that is beyond me.
I could start by getting out of the house and being social again, but I really doubt that's going to happen anytime soon. The last person I saw was Diane, and that was a while ago, plus we were under the influence of drugs and alcohol for the duration of her visit. I had missed her, it was good seeing her again and once I'm able to be seen again, I'd like to visit her again, but I don't know if I could inflict the kind of torture that seeing me now would be on anyone. I saw her back when everything was still numb and I was capable of being a decent human being. Right now, I don't know if anybody would be up to the perilous task of trying to be around me. I wouldn't recommend it. I'll return to the living when being in my presence wouldn't drive the average human being to homicide.