I haven't gone blind yet, but I can't see.
It's 6 a.m.
Where do I go from here? I really think I have insomnia or something similar. These sleepless nights are getting very tiring, and very fast.
I was deeply in the alkaline trio mood so i went ahead and fucked up my alphabetical order desires. Now i'm playing the Used. The Used really reminds me of Zorya (Sandy) still. Maybe because she was like one of the 3 people i've met in my life who isn't afraid to be loud and obnoxious. The other 2 being myself, and somebody I hope to meet haha.
I really feel the need to meet new people. It's not that i'm bored with the people that I know now. (Not that we really speak anyway.) It's just I really want some new friends, I don't want to be old in even older. I want people who don't remind me of where I used to be in life. I want these poeple to be fun, exciting, and just...full of life!
i'm going to start skating again in the next few weeks. I'm sick of feeling constantly fucking sick of this routine I call my life. I want to be able to go outside for hours again. I want to feel the cold night air against my arms as I skate home at like midnight all alone. I miss the scared feeling i got when I entered an empty shadowy street. The thrill of making it home alive night after night. Gaaaaah, those were the days dude. I was on top of the world dude. I went anywhere whenever I felt. I would call people to chill, and they'd call me back and we'd hang out and it was the best.
This weekend is like intoxication. I want to go through with it, but it's just making me even more unhealthy than I already am.
I am at the point of life where everything and everyone should just end. And I don't mean die. Just leave my life and let me be something that i'm not. Be something I don't even want to be just to be something other than me.
I hope that makes sense.
Has anybody ever noticed I always want something to make sense, and that i'm afraid it doesn't to anyone else but me?
"Isn't often that I try to climb this mountain, but today I found myself half-way to the top."