time to think with my brain, not my ladyboner of epic proportions
it's hard, you know?
when he's bent over in front of my desk, the top buttons of his shirt undone, revealing rather nice collarbones and flushed cheeks (because he's always flushed. why is he always flushed?), reading through the passage i had a question on and in the end i'm just like 'wait what now? e__e' or when he's leaving for our tutorial, buried under a stack of paper, exhausted and with the prospect of another 2 hours of class after 2 hours of it already. his nervous, slightly uncertain, 'don't be late for class?' when i was talking to my friend on the way. the 'thanks' when i offer to carry some of it for him, the awkward conversation we had on the way there because he's so awkward homg it's everything i love and adore.
i'm vice president of russoc now. i ran for executive mostly because of him*; so i get to organize the drinks night after that glorious moment after semester ends and i can doggedly chase after him and his sweet, pert ass.
but is it wise for me to even ask? even if he said yes, that would be under the condition that a) i will never have him as a lecturer ever again, and b) there aren't any policies regarding student-teacher relationships, even if i don't take any of his classes. further, if i am going to continue with philosophy, then there is no doubt that i'll bump into him again and again-- rejection could make things awkward, though to be honest, i've never taken that personally at all. c'est la vie, and all that.
also, does this mean i should just give up the relationship i've been cultivating with adam? it's going so goddamn well, we really like each other, it's so comfortable and there's no question to as whether i find him attractive or not, because hot diggity i do. but it's certainly not fair to him if i get into a relationship with him if i get rejected by my phil lecturer. nobody should ever have to be second choice to someone. that's a terrible state to be in.
so my brain is telling me to go for the more stable, realistic, ethical, path and date adam because i like him, lots, for fuck's sake. but my ladyboner and 19 year old hormones are telling me to go for andy.
don't do it!!!!!
DDDD':
o-or maybe 19 is the age to do shit you might regret later on, providing they don't ruin career chances and won't permanently smear my reputation, which asking a prof out won't**.
or maybe i should just party the night away because clearly i'm not mature enough for a proper goddamn relationship and i probably shouldn't even try with hurting people along the way.
* future me, please don't think judge past me too harshly. there are multiple reasons why i wanted to run for executive, least of all being because i'm passionate as fuck about philosophy, and i've made great friends within russoc. also because it's great for my resume.
** on the other hand, it would be damaging to Andy's reputation, so i would have to tread on careful ground here. firstly, i want him to trust me, which ain't easy for a rookie student fallen for one of the most common tropes there is.
when he's bent over in front of my desk, the top buttons of his shirt undone, revealing rather nice collarbones and flushed cheeks (because he's always flushed. why is he always flushed?), reading through the passage i had a question on and in the end i'm just like 'wait what now? e__e' or when he's leaving for our tutorial, buried under a stack of paper, exhausted and with the prospect of another 2 hours of class after 2 hours of it already. his nervous, slightly uncertain, 'don't be late for class?' when i was talking to my friend on the way. the 'thanks' when i offer to carry some of it for him, the awkward conversation we had on the way there because he's so awkward homg it's everything i love and adore.
i'm vice president of russoc now. i ran for executive mostly because of him*; so i get to organize the drinks night after that glorious moment after semester ends and i can doggedly chase after him and his sweet, pert ass.
but is it wise for me to even ask? even if he said yes, that would be under the condition that a) i will never have him as a lecturer ever again, and b) there aren't any policies regarding student-teacher relationships, even if i don't take any of his classes. further, if i am going to continue with philosophy, then there is no doubt that i'll bump into him again and again-- rejection could make things awkward, though to be honest, i've never taken that personally at all. c'est la vie, and all that.
also, does this mean i should just give up the relationship i've been cultivating with adam? it's going so goddamn well, we really like each other, it's so comfortable and there's no question to as whether i find him attractive or not, because hot diggity i do. but it's certainly not fair to him if i get into a relationship with him if i get rejected by my phil lecturer. nobody should ever have to be second choice to someone. that's a terrible state to be in.
so my brain is telling me to go for the more stable, realistic, ethical, path and date adam because i like him, lots, for fuck's sake. but my ladyboner and 19 year old hormones are telling me to go for andy.
don't do it!!!!!
DDDD':
o-or maybe 19 is the age to do shit you might regret later on, providing they don't ruin career chances and won't permanently smear my reputation, which asking a prof out won't**.
or maybe i should just party the night away because clearly i'm not mature enough for a proper goddamn relationship and i probably shouldn't even try with hurting people along the way.
* future me, please don't think judge past me too harshly. there are multiple reasons why i wanted to run for executive, least of all being because i'm passionate as fuck about philosophy, and i've made great friends within russoc. also because it's great for my resume.
** on the other hand, it would be damaging to Andy's reputation, so i would have to tread on careful ground here. firstly, i want him to trust me, which ain't easy for a rookie student fallen for one of the most common tropes there is.