A few notes
I've discovered capers and crispy onions, and I consume them with everything these days. Nary a delicious meal cannot be made tastier with them. It's gotten bad enough that sometimes, when enjoying my flaxseed cereal in the morning, I forego the soy milk and pour the caper brine into the bowl instead.
How do I keep my breath fresh? The answer: Soy Nog. I saw it at Fred Meyer's, so the season is upon us. How I cherish a warm mug of Soy Nog with a cinnamon twig and a few capers and crispy onions as garnish.
-----
You might be asking what my losing recipe was for the pumpkin dessert contest this year, and despite the fact I paid off one of the judges who shouted out to anyone within earshot, "Seriously, dudes, this is better than anything else I've ever tasted, including my very own dead Italian grandmother's Pasta Neapolitan Vedicciolliviceppini [my note: family name that got shortened to Roberts upon moving stateside]." I had him pull people out of their offices, regardless of what contract they were working on which is barely keeping the company afloat (note to the concerned: I now work at a lending institution for subprime mortgages), and I asked him to force feed people if it was necessary. (It was.)
Several friends -- and Jennifer's rabidly non-vegan family -- really seemed to like it, evidenced by the fact they made seemingly-genuine "Mmmm!" noises, though they did not bake a bathtub full of it and rub their naked bodies in it as I had. The recipe is thus:
Pumpkin Crumb Cake With Pecan Streusel
(Note I accidentally used walnuts for the official entry, but it was just as good, though I had a harder time covering the batter.)
Makes 16 squares.
Time: 1 hour 10 minutes.
How does moist, sublime, spiced pumpkin cake get better? A crummy mess
of pecan streusel topping would get our vote any day. Perfect for
autumn high tea.
Pecan streusel:
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons brown sugar (granulated sugar is okay, too)
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1 tablespoon canola oil
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans
Cake:
1 (15-ounce) can pureed pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix)
3/4 cups soy milk
3/4 cups canola oil
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
3 tablespoons light molasses
2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
Preheat the oven to 350F. Lightly grease a 9 x 13-inch baking pan.
Prepare the streusel:
In a small bowl, mix together the flour, brown sugar, and spices.
Drizzle in the canola oil and mix with your fingertips until crumbs
form. Add the chopped pecans and mix.
Prepare the cake:
In a large mixing bowl, combine the pumpkin, soy milk, oil, granulated
sugar, molasses and vanilla. Mix well. Add roughly half the flour, the
baking powder, salt, and spices, and use a fork to fold everything
together. Add the remaining flour and mix gently until combined. Don't
use a hand blender for this, as pumpkin can get gummy if it's mixed
too aggressively. Blending with a fork helps maintain the texture.
Pour batter into the prepared baking pan and spread it out with a
spatula. Scatter the streusel on top as evenly as possible. Bake for
45 to 50 minutes, until a knife inserted through the center comes out
clean.
Remove from the oven, let cool, and cut into squares.
-----
Jennifer thinks I've lost my edge in writing, so I present this to her:
Once upon a time, there were two dogs: Prince Yummicus and Princess Beautiful. They were not related by birth, and they would tell people that often. Prince Yummicus wore a tartan-patterned shirt, and Princess Beautiful prefers cardigan sweaters and tea cozies for her paws, which were expertly manicured by the finest estheticians in their country of Dog-Bonia, who themselves were the finest estheticians in the entire universe. Together, they would talk about their days playing in the fields over their dinners of aromatic scones and crumpets, and then they would sit down on their beds to watch English romantic comedies starring Colin Firth.
Princess Beautiful asked Prince Yummicus, "Did you hear about our dear friend Muttens? He stayed at the tanning salon too long." Prince Yummicus yawned and asked, "Is he okay?" Princess Beautiful replied, "Yes, but for a while, he was a real hot dog!"
Prince Yummicus raped Princess Beautiful. He used crazy S&M shit to do it, too. Basically, he rammed a dildo into her mouth to shut up that bitch's non-stop yapper. Then he tied each of her legs back, and he violently raped her while smacking her with a riding crop. He is a sick fuck, and I hope he goes to doggie jail.
I still got it!
How do I keep my breath fresh? The answer: Soy Nog. I saw it at Fred Meyer's, so the season is upon us. How I cherish a warm mug of Soy Nog with a cinnamon twig and a few capers and crispy onions as garnish.
-----
You might be asking what my losing recipe was for the pumpkin dessert contest this year, and despite the fact I paid off one of the judges who shouted out to anyone within earshot, "Seriously, dudes, this is better than anything else I've ever tasted, including my very own dead Italian grandmother's Pasta Neapolitan Vedicciolliviceppini [my note: family name that got shortened to Roberts upon moving stateside]." I had him pull people out of their offices, regardless of what contract they were working on which is barely keeping the company afloat (note to the concerned: I now work at a lending institution for subprime mortgages), and I asked him to force feed people if it was necessary. (It was.)
Several friends -- and Jennifer's rabidly non-vegan family -- really seemed to like it, evidenced by the fact they made seemingly-genuine "Mmmm!" noises, though they did not bake a bathtub full of it and rub their naked bodies in it as I had. The recipe is thus:
Pumpkin Crumb Cake With Pecan Streusel
(Note I accidentally used walnuts for the official entry, but it was just as good, though I had a harder time covering the batter.)
Makes 16 squares.
Time: 1 hour 10 minutes.
How does moist, sublime, spiced pumpkin cake get better? A crummy mess
of pecan streusel topping would get our vote any day. Perfect for
autumn high tea.
Pecan streusel:
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons brown sugar (granulated sugar is okay, too)
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1 tablespoon canola oil
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans
Cake:
1 (15-ounce) can pureed pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix)
3/4 cups soy milk
3/4 cups canola oil
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
3 tablespoons light molasses
2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
Preheat the oven to 350F. Lightly grease a 9 x 13-inch baking pan.
Prepare the streusel:
In a small bowl, mix together the flour, brown sugar, and spices.
Drizzle in the canola oil and mix with your fingertips until crumbs
form. Add the chopped pecans and mix.
Prepare the cake:
In a large mixing bowl, combine the pumpkin, soy milk, oil, granulated
sugar, molasses and vanilla. Mix well. Add roughly half the flour, the
baking powder, salt, and spices, and use a fork to fold everything
together. Add the remaining flour and mix gently until combined. Don't
use a hand blender for this, as pumpkin can get gummy if it's mixed
too aggressively. Blending with a fork helps maintain the texture.
Pour batter into the prepared baking pan and spread it out with a
spatula. Scatter the streusel on top as evenly as possible. Bake for
45 to 50 minutes, until a knife inserted through the center comes out
clean.
Remove from the oven, let cool, and cut into squares.
-----
Jennifer thinks I've lost my edge in writing, so I present this to her:
Once upon a time, there were two dogs: Prince Yummicus and Princess Beautiful. They were not related by birth, and they would tell people that often. Prince Yummicus wore a tartan-patterned shirt, and Princess Beautiful prefers cardigan sweaters and tea cozies for her paws, which were expertly manicured by the finest estheticians in their country of Dog-Bonia, who themselves were the finest estheticians in the entire universe. Together, they would talk about their days playing in the fields over their dinners of aromatic scones and crumpets, and then they would sit down on their beds to watch English romantic comedies starring Colin Firth.
Princess Beautiful asked Prince Yummicus, "Did you hear about our dear friend Muttens? He stayed at the tanning salon too long." Prince Yummicus yawned and asked, "Is he okay?" Princess Beautiful replied, "Yes, but for a while, he was a real hot dog!"
Prince Yummicus raped Princess Beautiful. He used crazy S&M shit to do it, too. Basically, he rammed a dildo into her mouth to shut up that bitch's non-stop yapper. Then he tied each of her legs back, and he violently raped her while smacking her with a riding crop. He is a sick fuck, and I hope he goes to doggie jail.
I still got it!