Not gonna lie....this may make some of you uber uncomfortable
Alaska is the most depressed state in the U.S. do to the lack of sunshine.
Winter is the season with the highest suicide rates.
People can't deal with the cold, the dark, or just the overall setting that winter sets.
When people are sad in winter, its not that hard to believe.
Having a warm sun hit your face is comforting and will most likely make you smile even if your on your way to jury duty.
Its something about the warmth, the sun, the beach, the tank tops, the shorts, the skirts, and the sunglasses that make people happy.
The transition from October to November isn't that bad, people are expecting it and want it.
November to December people have no time to think because of the holidays and snow is still "pretty" at this point.
December into January comes as a hit in the face.
The weather drops like, 10 degrees overnight and no one knows how to react.
The days continue to be dark and it snows when people are running all their errands.
January is the depression of the year...and it doesn't stop until March...sometimes.
None of this applies to me.
The reasons for sadness and depression are not the obvious ones, not the reasons I wish they were.
The reasons I get grumpy, moody, and depressed in the winter is something that I don't know anyone that can relate.
When the weather changes and the snow starts to fall, I think about Thanksgiving, Christmas, and family.
As soon as the New Year hits, its a gradual decline into the pit of sadness.
It starts off real slow though, so people just say "ugh, Leah is so grumpy lately" and I just say "eh, shut the hell up".
But then February comes and hello rock bottom.
I don't mean for it to happen, it just does.
February means one thing: February 14th-Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day means only one thing to me: My mother's birthday.
Some people may find it rude, unhealthy, and just plain mean that I have chosen to hate this day and to not celebrate this made up holiday.
But this is how I feel, I choose to be miserable and I don't want cheering up.
People may not understand that and I'm not looking for an understanding.
I just want maybe a hug, a shoulder to cry on.
Nothing special, no "Let's Leave Leah Alone Day"...just love.
Because two days later...on February 16th...will be the 8th year anniversary of my mother's death.
And you know the thought that crosses through my mind all day?
"Here comes another year you have to deal without her because whoever is up there is a piece of shit and took her away. She's dead and there's nothing, NOTHING, you can do about it."
All day.
Broken record style.
I don't think I can do another year without her.
It's getting too hard.
I really don't like this.
But I don't feel like telling everyone why I'm so bitter.
Am I selfish?
It doesn't help that Michael doesn't knwo what the fuck he wants so the one person I go to for comfort is the one that's hurting me the most.
Life has its way of making you feel like complete shit.
I'm not ready for another year to go by.
It just isn't fair anymore.
Winter is the season with the highest suicide rates.
People can't deal with the cold, the dark, or just the overall setting that winter sets.
When people are sad in winter, its not that hard to believe.
Having a warm sun hit your face is comforting and will most likely make you smile even if your on your way to jury duty.
Its something about the warmth, the sun, the beach, the tank tops, the shorts, the skirts, and the sunglasses that make people happy.
The transition from October to November isn't that bad, people are expecting it and want it.
November to December people have no time to think because of the holidays and snow is still "pretty" at this point.
December into January comes as a hit in the face.
The weather drops like, 10 degrees overnight and no one knows how to react.
The days continue to be dark and it snows when people are running all their errands.
January is the depression of the year...and it doesn't stop until March...sometimes.
None of this applies to me.
The reasons for sadness and depression are not the obvious ones, not the reasons I wish they were.
The reasons I get grumpy, moody, and depressed in the winter is something that I don't know anyone that can relate.
When the weather changes and the snow starts to fall, I think about Thanksgiving, Christmas, and family.
As soon as the New Year hits, its a gradual decline into the pit of sadness.
It starts off real slow though, so people just say "ugh, Leah is so grumpy lately" and I just say "eh, shut the hell up".
But then February comes and hello rock bottom.
I don't mean for it to happen, it just does.
February means one thing: February 14th-Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day means only one thing to me: My mother's birthday.
Some people may find it rude, unhealthy, and just plain mean that I have chosen to hate this day and to not celebrate this made up holiday.
But this is how I feel, I choose to be miserable and I don't want cheering up.
People may not understand that and I'm not looking for an understanding.
I just want maybe a hug, a shoulder to cry on.
Nothing special, no "Let's Leave Leah Alone Day"...just love.
Because two days later...on February 16th...will be the 8th year anniversary of my mother's death.
And you know the thought that crosses through my mind all day?
"Here comes another year you have to deal without her because whoever is up there is a piece of shit and took her away. She's dead and there's nothing, NOTHING, you can do about it."
All day.
Broken record style.
I don't think I can do another year without her.
It's getting too hard.
I really don't like this.
But I don't feel like telling everyone why I'm so bitter.
Am I selfish?
It doesn't help that Michael doesn't knwo what the fuck he wants so the one person I go to for comfort is the one that's hurting me the most.
Life has its way of making you feel like complete shit.
I'm not ready for another year to go by.
It just isn't fair anymore.