I used to find this flattering
Today a guy who is not a client but discussed a few details of his case with me called from a break in his police interrogation, saying how he was being pressured to confess an incident he hardly remembered. I gave a bog-standard answer, that he shouldn't confess to anything without speaking to a lawyer. He went back and forth on this and I listened with half an ear while playing Candy Crush. Then he admitted he'd called me to calm himself down and not for actual legal advice.
There was a time when that would have warmed my heart. I'd have been thrilled at being useful and appreciated. Instead I felt irritation that he's calling up a lawyer he never retained or paid as though I were a friend, like I'm just waiting around in the middle of the workday to soothe his fears and tell him everything's going to be all right.
I'm not sure why I no longer act like a beaten dog around perfect strangers. Maybe it's because I have better boundaries now that I've been freed from the idea that my value lies in serving and pleasing others. Maybe it's the experience of being similarly used for support and knowledge by people who don't reciprocate. Being in a stable relationship may have helped me gain actual self-respect, too. Maybe it's just a function of getting older and ornerier.
Whatever the reason or combination of reasons, I'm glad of this change. It doesn't mean I'll never be exploited again, but with these emotional signals in place I'm likelier to avoid exploitative situations or leave them.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/62006.html
There was a time when that would have warmed my heart. I'd have been thrilled at being useful and appreciated. Instead I felt irritation that he's calling up a lawyer he never retained or paid as though I were a friend, like I'm just waiting around in the middle of the workday to soothe his fears and tell him everything's going to be all right.
I'm not sure why I no longer act like a beaten dog around perfect strangers. Maybe it's because I have better boundaries now that I've been freed from the idea that my value lies in serving and pleasing others. Maybe it's the experience of being similarly used for support and knowledge by people who don't reciprocate. Being in a stable relationship may have helped me gain actual self-respect, too. Maybe it's just a function of getting older and ornerier.
Whatever the reason or combination of reasons, I'm glad of this change. It doesn't mean I'll never be exploited again, but with these emotional signals in place I'm likelier to avoid exploitative situations or leave them.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/62006.html