The Appeal of Kataang and Maiko (Zutara vs. The Canon Pairings, 2/3)
Romance Should Be Comforting: The "Comfort" View of Romance
Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.
- Carl Reiner
At San Diego Comic Con 2008, Avatar creators Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko aired a short film/slide show composed of mostly Zutaran fan art, poking fun at the the idea of Zutara and giving airtime to some other pairings, too. It was the joke short Avatar Book 4: Air, Chapter 1: Forbidden Love, and if you have not seen the epic awesomeness that is the video then you must. (Please be aware some of the pictures are a little racy and might not be safe for work. Also, if you have your sound up, it's very noisy!)
For me, one line amid all the insanity was particularly interesting. This was at 1:33 when Sokka showed up and informed the audience that "Those who believe Zuko and Katara should be together will forever have doomed relationships." I remember cracking up at that, because that was pretty much my thought process, too. See the previous essay where I talk about the conflict-centered view of romance that underlies Zutara. Maybe I was projecting, but I couldn't help thinking that Mike and Bryan were making largely the same point. Because the thought that romance should be perpetually exciting and dramatic is kind of terrible if you apply it to real life, as discussed earlier.
The Avatar creators' idea of a good romance is certainly very different from that of Zutarans. It's expressed pretty clearly in this interview (emphasis mine):
Mike: Sorry to disappoint the "Zutara" fans out there, but we never intended for Zuko and Katara to get together. . . .
Bryan: Zuko and Katara might have shared some sparks, but sometimes there are people along your "journey of love" who are there to teach you about yourself and what you really need, but don't necessarily end up being your partner. Come on, kids! "Zutara" never would have lasted! It was just dark and intriguing.
I find the assertion that Zutara was "just" dark and intriguing interesting, because that dark intrigue forms a large part of the reason that Zutara exists. So why is that excitement not enough for Mike and Bryan? What do they, and those fans who support their canon pairing, see as a good romance?
For that, let's look at the way they handled romance in Avatar. A common Zutaran complaint about the main canon pairings of Aakng/Katara and Mai/Zuko is that they are boring. Let's look at why that might be.
First, the partners in the canon pairings have a lot in common. Aang and Katara have a common goal in having him master all four elements and saving the world. In fact, Katara is more driven towards this goal than Aang is, at least early in the show. Since Katara's own goal at the start is to master waterbending, same as Aang, this leads to them travelling together. Both have caring, dedicated, and warm personalities and can never ignore someone in need of help. They are both fun-loving at heart, with the more carefree Aang drawing out the fun side of Katara in episodes like "The Boy in the Iceberg" and "The Headband." Both have a strong sense of responsibility toward their shared cause, and are in general agreement about what they want for the world (the end of the war and peace) and for themselves (Avatar and master waterbender), though they sometimes differ in how exactly to achieve those goals.
Zuko and Mai are also similar on a basic level. They grew up together, for one thing, and thus share a common childhood and cultural background. They're also part of a similar subculture, that of the Fire Nation elite, which was how they were childhood friends in the first place. As part of the ruling class they both share a sense of obligation to their country, although they sharply disagree in the second half of Book 3 about how to fulfill that obligation. Personality-wise they both tend to be cynical and pragmatic, with Zuko repeatedly counseling Aang to kill his father Ozai and Mai choosing to adapt to her family life and Azula's manipulation by going with the flow but bucking her orders when she could (as in "The Drill" and in "Crossroads of Destiny" when she let Bosco go without a fight). Despite this, once they believe in something they have a passion and energy that cannot be denied. See Zuko's final defection ("Day of Black Sun, Part 2") and Mai's turning against Azula ("The Boiling Rock, Part 2").
As stated in the Slate article also linked in the previous essay, couples tend to do better in the long run when they have important things in common. Things like long-term and life goals and patriotism all seem to be pretty basic, even crucial aspects of life, and Aang/Katara and Mai/Zuko are largely in agreement about these things. That puts them in a good position to have a committed long-term relationship.
Obviously, though, partners in these couples are not carbon copies of each other. They are different from each other in important ways, and sometimes have deep differences of opinion. What happens to the similarities listed above, then? Do these differences invalidate the basic rapport these canon couples enjoy? I'll talk first about the differences between partners in the canon couples, then about how they handle disputes.
Second important point about Kataang and Maiko is that, where they are different, they tend to complement each other rather than clash. Katara is more serious than the often happy-go-lucky Aang, but her seriousness keeps Aang focused while the more laid-back Aang helps Katara relax and enjoy herself. Also, as mentioned earlier when I discussed Zutara, Katara is more temperamental than Aang, but Aang's calm helps modulate her reactions as we saw especially in "The Southern Raiders" but elsewhere as well. She sometimes uses violence in anger, something Aang (much like Mai) never does, and he is the anchor even at her worst moments reminding her of who she really is.
Mai and Zuko are similarly complementary. Zuko is almost stupidly earnest, while Mai appears cold and cynical. This becomes the subject of a big fight and a temporary breakup in "The Beach." Yet Zuko's honest pain led Mai to be honest in turn about how deeply she cared for him, and this caring led to her crowning moment of awesome when she saved his life on "The Boiling Rock." Just as Zuko's earnestness drew out Mai's passion, her ability to take a step back from the situation instead of getting caught up in emotions cheered Zuko up in episodes like "The Awakening." Zuko is the one in this relationship with a violent temper, and it is Mai, the rational one, who keeps him in check when he's out of line.
Third, when Aang and Katara or Mai and Zuko do disagree, they work out the conflict through communication and mutual caring. They may have a lot of things in common, but that doesn't mean they're in lock step with their partner at every turn. Often the disagreement is healthy because they come to see a different point of view and end up learning and growing. As long as the partners can talk to each other honestly without fearing emotional punishment, and as long as there's a basic trust in each other, conflict rarely becomes serious or threatens a relationship.
Aang and Katara have had their share of disagreements, although the disagreements were minor compared to what they agreed on. When Aang decided to go along with General Fong's plan to induce the Avatar State at will ("The Avatar State"), Katara made it clear that she disagreed because she didn't want Aang to suffer, and because the right way to go about Aang's training was not a traumatic shortcut, but rather taking all the steps and putting in the effort. Notice that the disagreement is not about the goal, which is for Aang to be a fully realized Avatar. The disagreement was in how to reach that goal. And the way Katara stated her argument is more mature than the way many adults do it: She gave her reasons rationally and soberly, with respect and affection. I was actually kind of relieved when she lost her temper with Aang and Sokka, because that's really a human response and much more like how a teenager would react. But even then her frustration was completely understandable to me, and came from the depth of her caring for Aang.
Aang did the same for Katara in "The Southern Raiders." Just as Katara is honest about her disagreements he was honest with her in turn. Given his penchant for avoiding confrontation, it probably took him a lot of effort to disagree with the girl he had such deep feelings for, on such a sensitive subject at that. He did so because he honestly believed that murdering her mother's killer would harm Katara. As she did for him (when she was thinking rationally), he gave her his reasons and reaffirmed how much he cared for her. Then he left the choice to her--even lending her Appa, something he did not have to do. But he knew the choice had to be hers or it would have no meaning. In this case the disagreement seems fairly serious, but there turns out to be no disagreement after all. Aang simply reminded Katara who she really was. Katara forgot in the throes of her pain and with Zuko egging her on, but Aang's words stayed with her and stayed her hand at the last moment. Aang was the guardian of her better self in her worst moments, as a good friend and good partner should be.
So this? Basically awesome Kataang moment.
Mai and Zuko had somewhat more serious disagreements, and ironically often handled them more poorly than Aang and Katara, despite being older. Maybe it was because Aang and Katara were less hormonal in um, many senses of the word. Also, Mai and Zuko had been brought up badly overall despite their vastly more privileged upbringing. Zuko's father's idea of discipline had included disfigurement and banishment, while Mai's mother simply taught her to conform without concern for her daughter's uniqueness as a person or her moral development. Compare that with what we saw of Gyatso, Hakoda, and Kya's loving care and you can see why Mai and Zuko have worse people skills than Aang and Katara. Mai and Zuko were also dealing with political and internal conflicts that Aang and Katara were not.
Given these challenges, the amazing part is not that Mai and Zuko argued, but that they managed to fumble to an understanding of each other at all. In the episode "The Beach," we see the toll Zuko's internal turmoil took on his emotional state. Mai could have responded to this a number of ways. Her instinct was probably to stay quiet and go with the flow. It was how her mother had taught her, to be passive and uncaring, and jerk or not this was the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. Given her status as Azula's friend, Mai and her family would be pretty much made (or is that Mai'd?) as long as she shut up like she'd been taught.
Instead she chose to call Zuko out on his behavior and told him exactly what he did wrong, and was angry enough to break up with him when he insulted her. When you think about it, it's actually unusual for Mai to a) be angry, and b) seriously point out other people's faults. Her entire defense mechanism was that she didn't care, and that she would resort to snide comments and declarations of boredom instead of grappling with the problem. And this was what she was doing for most of "The Beach," too, being sarcastic with Zuko rather than making a real effort to change his behavior. She broke the pattern, however, when he crossed into violence at Chan's party. She took the effort to tell him what he was doing wrong, no snark, no boredom, just honest words and honest (if restrained) emotions. Someone had to tell the boy what was what, and she took this unaccustomed role on herself because she cared for him. This was really the start of her transformation, I think, when the depth of her feeling for Zuko moved her to express serious disagreement with him.
Later on, even when they want to reconcile these two are still terrible at communicating with each other (remember, crappy parenting) in direct contrast to Aang and Katara's open-minded talks. Nevertheless, it's their mutual care that carries them through. They both showed it in their failed attempts to approach the other on the beach, and the reconciliation was complete when Zuko was finally honest about his inner torment and Mai was honest about caring for him. Even when they had bad moments they still shared a basic trust in the other's affection, and that helped them get over the rougher patches. In a way they were bringing each other up, teaching each other about security and love the way their parents had failed to do, whether through absence or lack of caring. I found that deeply touching.
Incidentally, this is why I don't care for arguments about how Katara isn't right for Aang because she mothers him constantly. For one thing Aang 'fathers' Katara as much as she 'mothers' him, especially as he matures (see "The Southern Raiders" discussion above), and for another, ALL good partners are each other's 'parents' to some degree. It's even an almost-anagram! Parrents! If they're not helping each other grow and learn, what are they doing in that relationship? (You know, besides the obvious.) I think the arbitrary distinction between nurturer and partner is not only mistaken but actively harmful, and I reject it. Using parental words to imply some kind of emotional incest where no authority relationship exists is unhelpful, misleading, and wrong.
Mai and Zuko are further tested when they have an even more difficult disagreement, this time about what loyalty to their Nation means. This resulted in a breakup of the relationship because there was no communication--Zuko refused to communicate with Mai, choosing to leave her with a letter because "I couldn't drag her into it," as he told Sokka. Maybe he meant that telling Mai would put her on the spot, as she might be torn between her loyalty to Azula and to Zuko. On a deeper level, though, I think he was afraid that she might choose to follow him, hence "dragging" her into his situation. He had watched how she connected with him when she seemed to be bored by the world in general. Would that bond be strong enough for her to relinquish everything else in her life? He couldn't risk finding out.
When Mai comes to see him on Boiling Rock we see her uncharacteristically angry again, and Zuko finally has to try and explain his point of view. Of course Mai can't understand what in the world he's going on about because their experiences are so different: What she sees as treason, he sees as patriotism. And still, even though she is very understandably angry, even though she can't understand him, she still tries to follow him out of that cell into probable battle. It's important to remember that she's a distance fighter who throws knives and darts. If she were an enemy at this point, she would have thrown a projectile as he ran out the door. Instead she tried to follow him without showing any intent to harm before he locked her in the cell--again, probably for her own safety.
He turned out to be fully justified when she got out of the cell and risked her life for him anyway. Communication between them might have broken down, but the strength of their bond won the day. Even if she didn't agree with him, even if he had wronged her, Mai still loved and trusted him, knew him on a fundamental level. As she herself said to Azula, it was a victory of love over fear. Mai had to overcome lifelong fears, fear of being shut down, fear of being unloved for stepping out of line, fear of her ruthless princess, and even fear of being killed. Omnia vincit amor, indeed. Love had conquered all.
Love also kicked serious ass that day.
In order to trust on such a basic level, though, there needs to be a common understanding first. Mai knew Zuko well. She knew he was a patriot, that he was not a self-serving man, that he loved her, and that he wanted to protect her. And so, if he believed so strongly in his cause there had to be some reason even if she did not know what it was at the time. She could take her nearly fatal leap of faith because her faith in Zuko was unshakable despite appearances, despite everything that had happened.
All this is just a very long way of saying that the canon pairings can seem "boring" precisely because they are so compatible. The respective partners have a lot of important things in common with each other, meaning they understand each other deeply. This alone heads off a lot of conflict and miscommunication. Where they are different, especially in temperament, these differences are complementary rather than conflicting, making them stronger as a couple than they are individually. And even when there are relationship conflicts, these couples handle them like they handle every other problem--as a team, based on deep trust and (for Aang and Katara) good communication. As a result, these conflicts actually bring them closer together as a couple and become opportunities for personal growth.
The Avatar creators' idea of a good long-term relationship, then, can be summarized as: Commonality, complementarity, communication, confidence in the partner, and good conflict handling. Compatibility, in sum, not just being attracted to the other person but fitting each others lives and thoughts in a harmonious whole . Comfort might be another way to put it, the relaxation that comes with knowing that you can trust the person you're closest to, that you can share that closeness without compromising who you are. And obviously physical attraction is necessary, but attraction is easy to come by. Partnership is rare.
I don't think they're slouches in the animal magnetism department, either.
That doesn't mean that these relationships are lacking in difficulties of their own, though. Aside from the conflicts mentioned above, Aang and Katara are going to have to deal with what it means for the embodiment of the world spirit to be personally attached to one person, something that came up in episodes like "The Guru." Mai and Zuko will have to deal with the politics of the Fire Nation, and probably not a few challenges to their personal relationship. All four will have to face the challenges in the post-show world that I discussed in the politics essay.
But no matter how difficult the trials they face in their lives and relationships, these kids seem well-equipped to handle them together as lovers, friends, and most importantly comrades. They have that solid foundation, a basic trust and rapport that physical attraction alone cannot hope to imitate. That is why these pairings work for the creators, and why they work for the fans.
I hope that's a useful understanding of the different reasons that Katara/Zuko and the canon pairings appeal to people. Basically you're more likely to prefer Zutara if you prefer romance to be exciting and dramatic, and more likely to prefer Kataang and Maiko if you like more comfortable and settled relationships. (Though from the comments on the previous post, I realized that I have somewhat underestimated the conflict potential of the canon pairings. Thanks amanda_violet, FairLady, and amiraelizabeth for your insightful words!) Is it any wonder that shipping is Serious Business, when people are arguing over not just fictional characters but their concept of a good romance, maybe even a good life?
So which is "better?" I think I've probably communicated my sympathies, but I do have some good things to say about the other side, too. I'll evaluate how these underlying conceptions of romance work in a story and what kinds of need they serve. I will make a stand on what I prefer, but that's simply my own preference. But I do have a word or two to say about real-life romance as well, and the need to separate fictional romance from real ones. All this will be in the third and last essay on this subject.
Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.
- Carl Reiner
At San Diego Comic Con 2008, Avatar creators Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko aired a short film/slide show composed of mostly Zutaran fan art, poking fun at the the idea of Zutara and giving airtime to some other pairings, too. It was the joke short Avatar Book 4: Air, Chapter 1: Forbidden Love, and if you have not seen the epic awesomeness that is the video then you must. (Please be aware some of the pictures are a little racy and might not be safe for work. Also, if you have your sound up, it's very noisy!)
For me, one line amid all the insanity was particularly interesting. This was at 1:33 when Sokka showed up and informed the audience that "Those who believe Zuko and Katara should be together will forever have doomed relationships." I remember cracking up at that, because that was pretty much my thought process, too. See the previous essay where I talk about the conflict-centered view of romance that underlies Zutara. Maybe I was projecting, but I couldn't help thinking that Mike and Bryan were making largely the same point. Because the thought that romance should be perpetually exciting and dramatic is kind of terrible if you apply it to real life, as discussed earlier.
The Avatar creators' idea of a good romance is certainly very different from that of Zutarans. It's expressed pretty clearly in this interview (emphasis mine):
Mike: Sorry to disappoint the "Zutara" fans out there, but we never intended for Zuko and Katara to get together. . . .
Bryan: Zuko and Katara might have shared some sparks, but sometimes there are people along your "journey of love" who are there to teach you about yourself and what you really need, but don't necessarily end up being your partner. Come on, kids! "Zutara" never would have lasted! It was just dark and intriguing.
I find the assertion that Zutara was "just" dark and intriguing interesting, because that dark intrigue forms a large part of the reason that Zutara exists. So why is that excitement not enough for Mike and Bryan? What do they, and those fans who support their canon pairing, see as a good romance?
For that, let's look at the way they handled romance in Avatar. A common Zutaran complaint about the main canon pairings of Aakng/Katara and Mai/Zuko is that they are boring. Let's look at why that might be.
First, the partners in the canon pairings have a lot in common. Aang and Katara have a common goal in having him master all four elements and saving the world. In fact, Katara is more driven towards this goal than Aang is, at least early in the show. Since Katara's own goal at the start is to master waterbending, same as Aang, this leads to them travelling together. Both have caring, dedicated, and warm personalities and can never ignore someone in need of help. They are both fun-loving at heart, with the more carefree Aang drawing out the fun side of Katara in episodes like "The Boy in the Iceberg" and "The Headband." Both have a strong sense of responsibility toward their shared cause, and are in general agreement about what they want for the world (the end of the war and peace) and for themselves (Avatar and master waterbender), though they sometimes differ in how exactly to achieve those goals.
Zuko and Mai are also similar on a basic level. They grew up together, for one thing, and thus share a common childhood and cultural background. They're also part of a similar subculture, that of the Fire Nation elite, which was how they were childhood friends in the first place. As part of the ruling class they both share a sense of obligation to their country, although they sharply disagree in the second half of Book 3 about how to fulfill that obligation. Personality-wise they both tend to be cynical and pragmatic, with Zuko repeatedly counseling Aang to kill his father Ozai and Mai choosing to adapt to her family life and Azula's manipulation by going with the flow but bucking her orders when she could (as in "The Drill" and in "Crossroads of Destiny" when she let Bosco go without a fight). Despite this, once they believe in something they have a passion and energy that cannot be denied. See Zuko's final defection ("Day of Black Sun, Part 2") and Mai's turning against Azula ("The Boiling Rock, Part 2").
As stated in the Slate article also linked in the previous essay, couples tend to do better in the long run when they have important things in common. Things like long-term and life goals and patriotism all seem to be pretty basic, even crucial aspects of life, and Aang/Katara and Mai/Zuko are largely in agreement about these things. That puts them in a good position to have a committed long-term relationship.
Obviously, though, partners in these couples are not carbon copies of each other. They are different from each other in important ways, and sometimes have deep differences of opinion. What happens to the similarities listed above, then? Do these differences invalidate the basic rapport these canon couples enjoy? I'll talk first about the differences between partners in the canon couples, then about how they handle disputes.
Second important point about Kataang and Maiko is that, where they are different, they tend to complement each other rather than clash. Katara is more serious than the often happy-go-lucky Aang, but her seriousness keeps Aang focused while the more laid-back Aang helps Katara relax and enjoy herself. Also, as mentioned earlier when I discussed Zutara, Katara is more temperamental than Aang, but Aang's calm helps modulate her reactions as we saw especially in "The Southern Raiders" but elsewhere as well. She sometimes uses violence in anger, something Aang (much like Mai) never does, and he is the anchor even at her worst moments reminding her of who she really is.
Mai and Zuko are similarly complementary. Zuko is almost stupidly earnest, while Mai appears cold and cynical. This becomes the subject of a big fight and a temporary breakup in "The Beach." Yet Zuko's honest pain led Mai to be honest in turn about how deeply she cared for him, and this caring led to her crowning moment of awesome when she saved his life on "The Boiling Rock." Just as Zuko's earnestness drew out Mai's passion, her ability to take a step back from the situation instead of getting caught up in emotions cheered Zuko up in episodes like "The Awakening." Zuko is the one in this relationship with a violent temper, and it is Mai, the rational one, who keeps him in check when he's out of line.
Third, when Aang and Katara or Mai and Zuko do disagree, they work out the conflict through communication and mutual caring. They may have a lot of things in common, but that doesn't mean they're in lock step with their partner at every turn. Often the disagreement is healthy because they come to see a different point of view and end up learning and growing. As long as the partners can talk to each other honestly without fearing emotional punishment, and as long as there's a basic trust in each other, conflict rarely becomes serious or threatens a relationship.
Aang and Katara have had their share of disagreements, although the disagreements were minor compared to what they agreed on. When Aang decided to go along with General Fong's plan to induce the Avatar State at will ("The Avatar State"), Katara made it clear that she disagreed because she didn't want Aang to suffer, and because the right way to go about Aang's training was not a traumatic shortcut, but rather taking all the steps and putting in the effort. Notice that the disagreement is not about the goal, which is for Aang to be a fully realized Avatar. The disagreement was in how to reach that goal. And the way Katara stated her argument is more mature than the way many adults do it: She gave her reasons rationally and soberly, with respect and affection. I was actually kind of relieved when she lost her temper with Aang and Sokka, because that's really a human response and much more like how a teenager would react. But even then her frustration was completely understandable to me, and came from the depth of her caring for Aang.
Aang did the same for Katara in "The Southern Raiders." Just as Katara is honest about her disagreements he was honest with her in turn. Given his penchant for avoiding confrontation, it probably took him a lot of effort to disagree with the girl he had such deep feelings for, on such a sensitive subject at that. He did so because he honestly believed that murdering her mother's killer would harm Katara. As she did for him (when she was thinking rationally), he gave her his reasons and reaffirmed how much he cared for her. Then he left the choice to her--even lending her Appa, something he did not have to do. But he knew the choice had to be hers or it would have no meaning. In this case the disagreement seems fairly serious, but there turns out to be no disagreement after all. Aang simply reminded Katara who she really was. Katara forgot in the throes of her pain and with Zuko egging her on, but Aang's words stayed with her and stayed her hand at the last moment. Aang was the guardian of her better self in her worst moments, as a good friend and good partner should be.
So this? Basically awesome Kataang moment.
Mai and Zuko had somewhat more serious disagreements, and ironically often handled them more poorly than Aang and Katara, despite being older. Maybe it was because Aang and Katara were less hormonal in um, many senses of the word. Also, Mai and Zuko had been brought up badly overall despite their vastly more privileged upbringing. Zuko's father's idea of discipline had included disfigurement and banishment, while Mai's mother simply taught her to conform without concern for her daughter's uniqueness as a person or her moral development. Compare that with what we saw of Gyatso, Hakoda, and Kya's loving care and you can see why Mai and Zuko have worse people skills than Aang and Katara. Mai and Zuko were also dealing with political and internal conflicts that Aang and Katara were not.
Given these challenges, the amazing part is not that Mai and Zuko argued, but that they managed to fumble to an understanding of each other at all. In the episode "The Beach," we see the toll Zuko's internal turmoil took on his emotional state. Mai could have responded to this a number of ways. Her instinct was probably to stay quiet and go with the flow. It was how her mother had taught her, to be passive and uncaring, and jerk or not this was the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. Given her status as Azula's friend, Mai and her family would be pretty much made (or is that Mai'd?) as long as she shut up like she'd been taught.
Instead she chose to call Zuko out on his behavior and told him exactly what he did wrong, and was angry enough to break up with him when he insulted her. When you think about it, it's actually unusual for Mai to a) be angry, and b) seriously point out other people's faults. Her entire defense mechanism was that she didn't care, and that she would resort to snide comments and declarations of boredom instead of grappling with the problem. And this was what she was doing for most of "The Beach," too, being sarcastic with Zuko rather than making a real effort to change his behavior. She broke the pattern, however, when he crossed into violence at Chan's party. She took the effort to tell him what he was doing wrong, no snark, no boredom, just honest words and honest (if restrained) emotions. Someone had to tell the boy what was what, and she took this unaccustomed role on herself because she cared for him. This was really the start of her transformation, I think, when the depth of her feeling for Zuko moved her to express serious disagreement with him.
Later on, even when they want to reconcile these two are still terrible at communicating with each other (remember, crappy parenting) in direct contrast to Aang and Katara's open-minded talks. Nevertheless, it's their mutual care that carries them through. They both showed it in their failed attempts to approach the other on the beach, and the reconciliation was complete when Zuko was finally honest about his inner torment and Mai was honest about caring for him. Even when they had bad moments they still shared a basic trust in the other's affection, and that helped them get over the rougher patches. In a way they were bringing each other up, teaching each other about security and love the way their parents had failed to do, whether through absence or lack of caring. I found that deeply touching.
Incidentally, this is why I don't care for arguments about how Katara isn't right for Aang because she mothers him constantly. For one thing Aang 'fathers' Katara as much as she 'mothers' him, especially as he matures (see "The Southern Raiders" discussion above), and for another, ALL good partners are each other's 'parents' to some degree. It's even an almost-anagram! Parrents! If they're not helping each other grow and learn, what are they doing in that relationship? (You know, besides the obvious.) I think the arbitrary distinction between nurturer and partner is not only mistaken but actively harmful, and I reject it. Using parental words to imply some kind of emotional incest where no authority relationship exists is unhelpful, misleading, and wrong.
Mai and Zuko are further tested when they have an even more difficult disagreement, this time about what loyalty to their Nation means. This resulted in a breakup of the relationship because there was no communication--Zuko refused to communicate with Mai, choosing to leave her with a letter because "I couldn't drag her into it," as he told Sokka. Maybe he meant that telling Mai would put her on the spot, as she might be torn between her loyalty to Azula and to Zuko. On a deeper level, though, I think he was afraid that she might choose to follow him, hence "dragging" her into his situation. He had watched how she connected with him when she seemed to be bored by the world in general. Would that bond be strong enough for her to relinquish everything else in her life? He couldn't risk finding out.
When Mai comes to see him on Boiling Rock we see her uncharacteristically angry again, and Zuko finally has to try and explain his point of view. Of course Mai can't understand what in the world he's going on about because their experiences are so different: What she sees as treason, he sees as patriotism. And still, even though she is very understandably angry, even though she can't understand him, she still tries to follow him out of that cell into probable battle. It's important to remember that she's a distance fighter who throws knives and darts. If she were an enemy at this point, she would have thrown a projectile as he ran out the door. Instead she tried to follow him without showing any intent to harm before he locked her in the cell--again, probably for her own safety.
He turned out to be fully justified when she got out of the cell and risked her life for him anyway. Communication between them might have broken down, but the strength of their bond won the day. Even if she didn't agree with him, even if he had wronged her, Mai still loved and trusted him, knew him on a fundamental level. As she herself said to Azula, it was a victory of love over fear. Mai had to overcome lifelong fears, fear of being shut down, fear of being unloved for stepping out of line, fear of her ruthless princess, and even fear of being killed. Omnia vincit amor, indeed. Love had conquered all.
Love also kicked serious ass that day.
In order to trust on such a basic level, though, there needs to be a common understanding first. Mai knew Zuko well. She knew he was a patriot, that he was not a self-serving man, that he loved her, and that he wanted to protect her. And so, if he believed so strongly in his cause there had to be some reason even if she did not know what it was at the time. She could take her nearly fatal leap of faith because her faith in Zuko was unshakable despite appearances, despite everything that had happened.
All this is just a very long way of saying that the canon pairings can seem "boring" precisely because they are so compatible. The respective partners have a lot of important things in common with each other, meaning they understand each other deeply. This alone heads off a lot of conflict and miscommunication. Where they are different, especially in temperament, these differences are complementary rather than conflicting, making them stronger as a couple than they are individually. And even when there are relationship conflicts, these couples handle them like they handle every other problem--as a team, based on deep trust and (for Aang and Katara) good communication. As a result, these conflicts actually bring them closer together as a couple and become opportunities for personal growth.
The Avatar creators' idea of a good long-term relationship, then, can be summarized as: Commonality, complementarity, communication, confidence in the partner, and good conflict handling. Compatibility, in sum, not just being attracted to the other person but fitting each others lives and thoughts in a harmonious whole . Comfort might be another way to put it, the relaxation that comes with knowing that you can trust the person you're closest to, that you can share that closeness without compromising who you are. And obviously physical attraction is necessary, but attraction is easy to come by. Partnership is rare.
I don't think they're slouches in the animal magnetism department, either.
That doesn't mean that these relationships are lacking in difficulties of their own, though. Aside from the conflicts mentioned above, Aang and Katara are going to have to deal with what it means for the embodiment of the world spirit to be personally attached to one person, something that came up in episodes like "The Guru." Mai and Zuko will have to deal with the politics of the Fire Nation, and probably not a few challenges to their personal relationship. All four will have to face the challenges in the post-show world that I discussed in the politics essay.
But no matter how difficult the trials they face in their lives and relationships, these kids seem well-equipped to handle them together as lovers, friends, and most importantly comrades. They have that solid foundation, a basic trust and rapport that physical attraction alone cannot hope to imitate. That is why these pairings work for the creators, and why they work for the fans.
I hope that's a useful understanding of the different reasons that Katara/Zuko and the canon pairings appeal to people. Basically you're more likely to prefer Zutara if you prefer romance to be exciting and dramatic, and more likely to prefer Kataang and Maiko if you like more comfortable and settled relationships. (Though from the comments on the previous post, I realized that I have somewhat underestimated the conflict potential of the canon pairings. Thanks amanda_violet, FairLady, and amiraelizabeth for your insightful words!) Is it any wonder that shipping is Serious Business, when people are arguing over not just fictional characters but their concept of a good romance, maybe even a good life?
So which is "better?" I think I've probably communicated my sympathies, but I do have some good things to say about the other side, too. I'll evaluate how these underlying conceptions of romance work in a story and what kinds of need they serve. I will make a stand on what I prefer, but that's simply my own preference. But I do have a word or two to say about real-life romance as well, and the need to separate fictional romance from real ones. All this will be in the third and last essay on this subject.