Looking for constructive crits

[ljg_fanfic]

Ok, I've got this story that I'm writing that is not fanfic. If you have any interest, take a look and tell me what you think, eh?

Part 1 -- In the Beginning

Part 2a -- Eleven Hours in the Tin Can

Part 2b -- Soundtrack

Part 2c -- Shiver

Part 2d -- work in progress