anxiety...pass if you don't want to think i'm insane
Tonight my dad and i went out to dinner. I started to have an anxiety attack but luckily i thought myself out of it. That was so scary, cause i felt just like i did the first time, though i knew what it was this time. I got all hot and tingly, and that horrible feeling of needing to leave came over me... I just tried to remember to breathe and keep myself occupied. I just don't know why it happened. I mean the first time was understandable- i was out with matt (who i had recently broken up with) and i happened to be seeing his friend wes...and it stressed me out, not to mention the fact that i smoked pot before we went. But yeah, i guess recently i have been feeling the anxiety coming over me more often but it's not that bad and i can get myself out of it very easily. Tonight was different. It was bad. It took me a lot to think myself out of it. My life has been going reasonably well, i'm not too stressed out about many things, for the most part i'm pretty happy. So what is underlying that i'm overlooking i guess is what i'm trying to figure out. I wish i had health insurance at this point cause i think i really would go and talk to someone about it. I mean it just doesn't make sense. Really, the only thing that i could consider that could have caused it is the whole- my father, jenn, and my siblings- thing. I don't know how that could have caused it though. And what is it with this whole restaurant thing? I mean who do you know that can't go out to eat without flipping out? I almost told my dad about the whole thing (the anxiety thing) but i decided that it would just make things worse, cause then he'd be worried about me, and in turn would make me more worried about myself.
I just think about the fact that my life has done a complete 180 since the first time...so why is it happening now? reminds me of part of an Ani song....
"regretfully
i guess i've only got three
simple things to say:
why me?
why this now?
why this way?"
I remember right before i got on the plane to go visit Chris in Cali i almost didn't get on cause it happened, but i calmed myself down. That was only a couple of months after the initial time. I don't know if i actually told anyone except for matt about that. That was bad too, but not nearly as bad as the restaurants. For a long time i was really afraid to go out to eat because i thought i might flip out. I got over it though, and i got to a point where i could go and be fine without drinking or taking a xanax before. It used to be really bad.
Sorry-i'll stop sharing the things that might make you think i'm crazy.
I just think about the fact that my life has done a complete 180 since the first time...so why is it happening now? reminds me of part of an Ani song....
"regretfully
i guess i've only got three
simple things to say:
why me?
why this now?
why this way?"
I remember right before i got on the plane to go visit Chris in Cali i almost didn't get on cause it happened, but i calmed myself down. That was only a couple of months after the initial time. I don't know if i actually told anyone except for matt about that. That was bad too, but not nearly as bad as the restaurants. For a long time i was really afraid to go out to eat because i thought i might flip out. I got over it though, and i got to a point where i could go and be fine without drinking or taking a xanax before. It used to be really bad.
Sorry-i'll stop sharing the things that might make you think i'm crazy.