And dreams came around you in a hazy rain

[ljb205]

If you're on my page, not reading this from your own friends' page or through someone else's, you'll see an image of a road up at the top.
I want to go there.
I think it's beautiful.  Peaceful.  Free.  Open.  Transparent.
I want that.
Maybe it's because my mind isn't any of those things.

I've been thinking a lot about going up to Mackinac lately.  I'm

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[o_catalyst_o]

" I'm not good enough; people just tolerate me to be nice. I know this isn't true, at least for most people, but it doesn't change how I feel."

I have serious issues with this. I can't just let things happen. I always have to think about how much I am not actually fitting into where I am and that everyone knows it. They know that I don't belong and they are all just allowing me to be with them out of pity. In the back of my head, I know that it's irrational to think this constantly, but logic is no match for fear. So I know how hard it is to stop. I think the only thing to eliminate that is to finally feel comfortable with the people you're with. Or at least comfortable in your own skin with your close friends. If they like who you are when you're totally exposed, it doesn't matter what other people feel. (It may not be the best to base how you feel about yourself on what others think, even if it is a select few, but that seems to be the correlation I've found in the past.)

Anyway. You probably figured that out, because we seem to think alike in a lot of ways, especially when it comes to this stuff. But I thought I'd try to show that I understood before saying:
I don't tolerate you. I like having you around and expect to have you around often. (I mean besides living in a small box with you for 8 months.)