J2 Big Bang Fic: Two Cures for Love Part 4

[lizzywinks]

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As house guests go, Jensen is quickly happy to discover that Jared is basically maintenance free. That isn't to say he doesn't have a few idiosyncrasies that take a little getting used to.

First off, he doesn't sleep much, which is kind of a pain in the ass, because no matter how early Jensen wakes (which truthfully is never all that early), or how late he stays up, Jared is always there. The odd hours he keeps probably wouldn't be an issue at all, if one of Jared's other little habits wasn't his deep dislike of the clothing he seems to have had provided for him for the trip. Human synthetic materials were too constricting, too hot, too itchy, Jensen, and it was only after lengthy negotiation that they'd managed to agree on shorts that hung too damn low, or sweats that clung too damn tight and various t-shirts that mostly seemed to exist to accentuate Jared's rippling muscles.

Shoes were also a battle, more because Jensen was worried about Jared tearing the hell out of his feet than him having any real objection to seeing Jared's, narrow, tanned feet padding around his hardwood floors. The issue was easily resolved when Jared discovered flip-flops and joyously bought dozens of pairs, which he happily abandoned around the apartment whenever the urge took him.

The other, larger, problem was Jared's seeming mission to experience everything human and drive Jensen crazy in the process.

"Jared, what do you think about―oh, hey," Jensen says, nonplussed by the two oddly dressed guys sitting on his couch.

"Jensen, you're back!" Jared says happily, bustling into the room. He's wearing jeans today, thank god, because frankly the shorts and sweats aren't really fit for company unless that company happens to be blind or eighty years old.

"I was only gone for a couple of hours," Jensen says, attention mostly centered on the two strangers who are eyeing him equally suspiciously back. The taller guy reaches down to pull a ratty backpack onto the couch next to him, arm wrapped securely around the handle that's only hanging on by a few loose threads. Jensen raises an eyebrow, and the guy pulls the backpack a little closer still.

"Guys this is Jensen," Jared says placing a tray of tea and sandwiches and tiny little cakes on the coffee table in front of the new comers. They both take one look at the tea, and then direct their attention to the sandwiches, splitting the plate between them and piling their own half on spread out napkins. "Sid, Pauly, this is Jensen, my... friend. This is his apartment," he adds, when the introductions only gets him two half-hearted grunts of acknowledgement.

"Good to meet you," Jensen says, and grabs Jared by the elbow. "Can you excuse us for just a second?" he asks, already propelling Jared toward the kitchen. Sid ignore him, but Pauly waves them carelessly away without lifting his eyes from his food.

"Dude, what the hell?" Jensen demands the second they're out of earshot. "Who are those guys?"

Jared stares back at him, eyes dark and hot, and it's only then Jensen realizes just how close they are. He's got Jared wedged up in the gap between the sink and the counter top, the toe of his sneakers pressed up against Jared's inner ankle and their hips tilted and way too close to touching.

Jensen takes a quick step backward, and then another when Jared follows. "Jay," he says warningly. His voice comes out low and deep without his permission, and Jared shivers, hands fluttering in front of him as if he's considering grabbing Jensen and pulling him back in close.

Jensen lifts his hand, snaps his fingers hurried in Jared's face, not quite trusting his own voice yet. "You with me, Jared? Focus," he orders, and whether he's talking to Jared or himself at this point, he's not completely sure.

"Um," Jared says distractedly. "Sid and Pauly―"

"No," Jensen says, and frowns when he spies the newly opened package of cubes on the kitchen counter, roughly half the contents already gone. Jared must have been out again for what he happily terms 'grocery shopping', but mostly involves him buying sugar to refill the sugar bowl for tea that no one in their right mind wanted. Of course, as no one is drinking the tea, and Jensen doesn't take sugar in his coffee, Jared's finding it increasingly difficult to come up with excuses for the amount of sugar he's buying. Jensen guesses he's up to roughly two packs a day by this point.

He picks up the box of sugar cubes and closes it with a meaningful glance, before turning to place it back on the top shelf of a cupboard, as if there's anywhere he's got the reach on Jared. Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen watches as Jared carefully tracks the new location and then pretends disinterest when Jensen swings back round to catch him at it.

He sighs in defeat―the next time he sees the package it will be empty and in the trash―and returns to the problem at hand. "That's the one thing I do know, how about what I don't know?"

"Oh. Right. Right!" Jared says, snapping back to the conversation. His shoulders immediately hunch up in what Jensen recognizes as guilt. "So you remember how we talked about how dragons don't keep pets, and how it would be cool to maybe get one―"

"No. Was this another one of your middle of the night chats, Jay? Because I've told you already, I'm not particularly lucid during those what with the late hours lately and all the sleep deprivation."

"I always check you're awake first!" Jared hotly defends.

"I'm awake 'cause it's hard to sleep through someone sneaking across your bedroom floor in size a billion flip flops, doesn't mean I'm up for a forty minute discussion on the historical inaccuracies in Merlin―which, by the way, is a TV show and not a documentary―and how completely obvious it is that Arthur is in love with Merlin and not Gwen."

"You said you agreed with me! And dragons aren't sneaky, they're stealthy," Jared pronounces loftily.

"Don't care, Jay, just wanna know who the guys are sitting on my sofa eating my food."

"Okay, so we were watching the dog training show, and I said―"

"Oh, my god, is this about your crush on that Dog Whispering dude?"

"No, and I told you, I don't have a crush on him; how could I when you're my―" Jared breaks off, a stricken expression on his face

Jensen freezes. They haven't talked about this, not since that first night, which is kind of weird, but also kind of not, because whatever Jared thought, and apparently still thinks, they are, the one thing Jensen's pretty sure they can both agree on is that they're friends. Fastest damn friend Jensen ever made, and maybe it isn't really a good enough excuse, but he hasn't wanted to risk that by bringing up any awkward subjects.

And if he has been hiding his head in the sand, then Jared's made it easy. For the most, he's acted like he's some sort of foreign exchange student, content to soak up the local atmosphere and happily enjoy whatever new experience he stumbles upon. He certainly hasn't been acting like his heart is broken. Sure there's been more than a few tense moments when Jared sat a little too close, stared a little too long, but they'd passed, just like the weird little squirm of... something Jensen got in his stomach each time.

The idea that Jared has been biding his time, or worse, hiding his pain, is something Jensen isn't up to facing right then. Luckily Jared apparently feels the same.

"So, yes," Jared says, voice overly casual, and Jensen slumps in relief, "we were watching the show with the dogs and you said you always wanted one when you were a kid, and when I told you dragons don't have pets, you said it was a damn shame."

Jensen waits for the part of the story that will explain who the hell Sid and Pauly are, and how any of this relates to a television programme about a weird dog trainer guy who doesn't seem to like dogs all that much, and then waits some more.

"Um, Jay, what happened next?"

"Well, while I was out getting groceries," Jensen snorts, and Jared ignores him, "I saw a flyer for an animal shelter that was having a fundraising day, and I thought it would be fun."

"Okay."

"But I couldn't find it, so I asked someone for directions, and I'm sure I followed them exactly," Jensen snorts again, because Jared could get distracted from a nuclear explosion by a bug walking on the sidewalk, "except when I got there it was a homeless shelter, not an animal shelter."

Jensen stiffens, suddenly horribly sure he knows where the story is going.

"They weren't having a fundraising day, but they let me in anyway. Most of the people were friendly, but kind of sad, and, when you think about it, being homeless is actually much worse than just not having an owner―"

"Oh, my god, you didn't―"

"―so I started asking around to see if anyone wanted to come home with me." Jensen makes a small squeaking noise of protest, and Jared hurries on. "Don't worry, I told them I'd have to check with you first, but I wasn't sure I could find my way back again if you said yes, and Pauly and Sid both seemed to really like the idea..."

Jensen shakes his head, glance darting back toward the living area. "They did?"

"Yeah! Well, not Sid so much, and Pauly was kind of reluctant too now I think about it, but we didn't really get chance to talk properly because one of the women who helps run the shelter came and told me it was probably time for me to go; I think they were closing or something."

"Fuck, Jared, you're going to get us arrested for soliciting, and that's if we're lucky! You can't just let strangers into our home like this―we could be robbed or murdered, probably both!"

Jared ducks his head, and sneaks a glace at Jensen through the hair falling over his eyes. Instead of the shame mixed with embarrassment Jensen was already feeling guilty about causing him, Jared looks weirdly happy. "Our home?" he says, pushing his hair impatiently back off his face.

Oh, shit. Jensen breathes in through his nose, heart abruptly thundering in his chest. "That―I just meant. Slip of the tongue," he finally settles on. "I guess, I 'm kind of getting used to having you around."

"Oh." Jared pauses uncertainly, and then smiles, happiness dimmed a little, but still there. "Me too. And, you don't have to worry; I would never let you get murdered or robbed." He says it with such utter certainty, Jensen can't help but be reassured. "I could snap Pauly and Sid in half before they even thought of raising a hand in anger toward you."

From behind them, there's the sound of crockery smashing, and they both jerk round to see Pauly frozen in place, empty tea tray hanging limply from his fingers and the scattered remains of Jared's tea service lying destroyed on the floor around him.

Jared makes a small, distressed sound, and the other man hurries into speech.

"I just want to take this opportunity to say that I have absolutely no hand raising plans, angry or otherwise," Pauly says nervously into the tense silence. "And I will gladly fight right beside, or maybe very slightly behind you, if anyone else does―you just say the word, man, and I'm there."

"I don't really need any help protecting Jensen, but thank you for the offer, Pauly," Jared says, most of his attention focused still on the broken pieces of china, his forehead creased in an unhappy frown.

"Um, sorry, you know, about the, ah, mess―I could mend it, if you wanted? It's just a chip really," Pauly assures, scrabbling through the rubble and emerging triumphant with a lone handle, all that remains of the huge, and disgusting, rose patterned teapot Jared had happily transported home last week.

"No," Jared says. "It's beyond repair." He lets out a heavy sigh and sinks with infinite sadness down onto a chair at the table.

Jensen rolls his eyes at the overdone, but genuine, devastation on Jared's face―he's ridiculously protective of his possessions―and lays a comforting hand on Jared's drooping shoulder. Jared immediately pushes up into the touch.

"It's okay, Jay," Jensen says, struggling to ignore the way Jared is tilting his whole body to bring them as close together as possible. "I'll buy you a new one."

"You will?" Jared asks, eyes shining, but his words are mostly drowned out by the noise of heavy boots clomping across the apartment.

"Hey, what's happening?" Sid asks spotting them. "I thought you were going to try and score some more of those little cakes?"

"Shut up, shut up!" Pauly hisses, and grabs Sid's elbow. "Thank you for the food, but we have to go now," he says, gaze focused on a spot roughly at Jared's shoulder height.

"What? We do? But what about―" Sid is still grumbling about the lack of extra tiny cakes as Pauly drags him forcefully backward toward the door, his eyes flickering constantly to Jared.

Jared watches their hurried exit, a bemused expression on his face. "Did I do something wrong?"

Jensen pats his shoulder consolingly. "No, you did great. I'll just go and um, see them out." Jared makes to stand, and Jensen pushes him back down into the chair. He reaches into the cupboard to pull out the pack of sugar cubes and drops them enticingly down on the table in front of him. Jared stares at them hungrily. "You could make some tea while I'm doing that," he adds, feeling guilty about feeding Jared's habit.

He'll make it up to him later, after he's convinced Sid and Pauly not to call the cops.



"Hey," Jared says.

Jensen looks up from where he'd been slumped contentedly on the couch while he waited for Jared to return from his weekly check-in with home, stomach still pleasantly full from the meal Jared had prepared. Jared's obsession with TV had continued and expanded into cooking shows, mostly to Jensen's great delight. His dragon's tooth, however, was decidedly sweet, rendering some of the deserts he made almost inedible, but Jensen was more than happy with the ratio of good to bad, especially considering his own lack of skill; there's a reason he's lived on takeout most of his adult life.

He's been starting to worry the unhealthy amount of sweet foods Jared has been consuming would have a detrimental affect on his health, but, if anything, Jared is looking better than when he first arrived, long, lean lines toned and fit from all the exercise he got exploring the city while Jensen worked. When he'd taken to tying his hair back with a elastic band, Jensen had taken him to get it cut, and now his hair is soft and styled so it fell stupidly perfectly around his face.

Right now though, Jared doesn't look healthy or happy. His expression is glum, and his body is slumped in lines of unhappiness when he sinks down onto the couch beside Jensen, slightly too close as always.

"Hey," Jensen responds, and then turns to nudge Jared with his shoulder when he sits staring into the blank TV screen, his eyes distant and inward looking. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Jared says, and then nods more forcefully. "I'm fine, just, you know, family stuff."

Family stuff. Jared's calls home never go well as far as Jensen can tell, but lately he's seemed even more stressed out after them than usual.

"They must be missing you?" he tries.

"I don't think that's really the problem," Jared says, an unusually cynical tone in his voice.

Jensen blinks and sits up a little straighter, and seeing his concern Jared waves a hand toward him.

"Ignore me. I'm just―I keep waiting for them to come round," he says, lips tight and the knuckles on the hand gripping the cushion in his lap white. "And it isn't ever going to happen, I know that, but I keep waiting and I keep being disappointed, every time, like it's something new. I don't know why I keep hoping, it's just―it's stupid."

"Jay―"

"But there are books," Jared says abruptly, "in the Royal Library, not many now, but enough with stories from the times when our worlds were still joined; dragons who mated with humans, raised families, lived their lives together. My mother says they're just myths, that humans are fickle, faithless creatures who care about nothing but war and greed and propagating their species."

"Jared, I'm not sure―"

"I know," Jared says quickly, gaze imploring, "this isn't about us, not really, I just want you to understand, to explain―"

"Okay, sorry, go on."

Jared studies him closely, and then nods, his breath leaving him on a heavy sigh. "The history books though, Jensen, they tell the same stories, less fanciful, less romance, but basically the same. I just, it's there, in black and white; King Rasmussen and Queen Cwenhild ruled together for over a hundred years and now dragonlings are taught that she was a sorceress who mesmerised the King by stealing half of his heart!"

"Wait, you guys live that long?"

Jared nods. "Some do. Mateless dragons probably only have the lifespan of a human―being alone isn't good for us."

Jensen swallows hard, pushing away the guilt for another thing he isn't quite ready to face. "But what if something happens to a mate, you know, if they... die, or something?" he asks "Do they―can dragons mate more than once?"

"Some do." Jared smiles sadly, and Jensen's stomach twists. "But that wasn't the point; since the portals were sealed, the only knowledge most dragons have about humans is what they're taught in school, and most of it's wrong and the rest is lies. I've spent most of my life trying to teach people the truth, but for most dragons, humans are basically irrelevant because it's not like they're ever going to meet one."

"Huh, so you're like an activist in your world?" It's pretty cool as long as Jensen doesn't let himself think too hard about the reasons behind Jared's passion to improve human-dragon relations.

"Um, you could call it that, but kind of more like crazy Prince Jared," Jared confesses ruefully.

Jensen waits for the sting that usually accompanies mention of the word, but discovering that he'd been the sane one all along seems to have purged a lot of the poison from the old wounds.

"I'll take it though over the plans my family had for me."

"You said you were the second, son, right, so I assume it was never going to be King Jared?"

"Nope," Jared says cheerfully, "my family intended for me to enter the church."

"What happened?" Jensen asks frozen, because if Jared gave up his fucking vocation for him...

"Nothing, when I came of age I refused, and they couldn't really argue; dragons believe our fates are decided by the stars, and I was hatched accidentally long before when my timeline should have fallen. If they tried then to force me when there was no calling, it would bring our whole belief system into question, and they couldn't risk that."

"So you got to do whatever you wanted? I bet that went down well with your family."

Jared shrugs. "My brother and sister were angry for a long time for what they saw as me shirking my duties. My brother still resents me a little, I think, but I was a dragon born without a destiny―what else could they do?"

Jensen nods, and takes a long swallow of the beer in his hand, and then grimaces when he realizes it's long since gone flat, and everything is warm before long in Jared's proximity. He raises the bottle in question, and at Jared's nod, heads to the kitchen to bring them both fresh cold ones.

When Jensen sits back down, Jared's back to staring pensively off into the distance. "I don't want it to sound like my family don't care about me," he says suddenly. "Or that my world is a terrible place, it's just that it's so hard to bring about any kind of change, and it feels sometimes like I've spent my whole life fighting..."

"I'm sorry," Jensen says into the silence, and Jared swings round to face him, surprise on his face.

"For what? None of this is your fault, Jen."

"Not intentionally, but if you'd never met me―"

Jared shakes his head firmly, and twists on the couch, right knee butting up against Jensen's thigh, until all Jensen can think about is the unnatural heat radiating from it, that Jared is a fucking dragon, and as human as he looks right now, underneath he's a mythical creature; claws and scales and fangs, and also, as far as Jared is concerned, his mate.

"Not your fault," Jared says firmly. "I don't want you to blame yourself for anything." Jensen frowns, and Jared sighs. "Do you know how I got here? About the portals between our world?"

"Yeah, Chris told me, said they've all been closed?"

"Technically they're restricted now to the royal bloodline, but for new hatchlings the ability is blocked until they come of age."

"So that's why you didn't come before?"

"I couldn't." Jared raises the bottle to his lips and swallows.

Jensen watches the long line of his neck as he tips his head back, tanned and skin gleaming with the ever present soft sheen that he guesses is something to do with the dragon heat simmering inside of him. Jensen looks hurriedly away when Jared lowers the bottle.

"I was able to create viewing portals," Jared says, wiping his lips with the back of his hand, "but they were restricted and heavily monitored, less so if it they were pointed toward the past, but still always monitored."

"Did you ever look in on me?" Jensen asks curiously.

"Once," Jared says without inflection. "Just once."

Jensen frowns, not sure he wants to know, but there's no chance to ask anyway before Jared's continuing his story. "While I was in my shell though, my blood still had the ability to create and travel through the portals; in my unhatched state I was like a... master key to the whole human dimension."

"Wait, are you saying someone stole you? Jesus, didn't they have guards to prevent that kind of the thing?"

"It had never happened before; I told you, most dragons aren't interested in the human world. They know it's there, but beyond that, they don't really care."

"Well, someone obviously did. Anything could have happened to you! Anything did happen to you thanks to Chad! You were an egg for fuck's sake!"

"Hey, I told you, dragons are warriors―I could have totally taken on The Chad, even six inches long and trapped inside my own shell."

Jensen can't share the joke; Jared had been so tiny back then, almost impossible to believe now how tiny, and thanks to Jensen's carelessness, he'd come close to being boiled alive.

"Seriously, Jensen, I was fine; dragon eggs aren't that easy to break, and I was telling you this story to make you feel less guilty, not more."

"Did they find him?" Jared stares blankly back and Jensen waves his hand impatiently. "The guy who stole you?"

"Um, no, I don't think so. He was probably just a trader who got greedy; it's a small market but human goods can be worth a lot to the right buyer." He grins. "I probably brought stuff from him myself when I was older."

"I hope he gave you a huge fucking discount," Jensen mutters, and Jared laughs.

"I doubt it, but see, not your fault that I ended up in your world, and not your fault that you found me―I called out to you, attracted your attention. If I hadn't done that the guards would have just followed my trail and brought me home, and no one would ever have known I'd been there."

"I didn't hear you," Jensen protests, "I just saw your egg glowing."

"That was me. I felt you as soon as we arrived, most likely before that even―it's probably not a coincidence that the portal I opened brought me right to you," he explains when Jensen stares at him, eyebrows raised.

"Oh, because of the―" Jensen's hands flutter awkwardly. "Um, the mate thing."

"Yes," Jared says, "and, most important of all, it wasn't your fault that I bit you."

"Why did you?" Jensen asks into the pause.

"I told you, I was just a hatching―"

"No, that isn't―I meant, what does it mean, exactly, having a mate? To a dragon."

Jared straightens up, and adjusts his position on the couch until he's completely turned toward Jensen, one leg tucked up underneath him and the other bracketing Jensen's foot on the floor. "It's hard to explain," he begins cautiously. "It's sort of like having someone else inside your head with you. Not their thoughts," he adds quickly when Jensen's eyes widen in alarm, "more like their emotions, all curled up and melded with your own. At first, when the bond is new, it's hard to separate them out, to know who the emotions belong to, but then later, it's easy, like a touch you'd recognise even in the dark."

"I don't―I've never felt that," Jensen says. He doesn't want to come right out and say it; Guess, your family were right, humans and dragons can't be mated, but from the expression on Jared's face, he probably doesn't need to.

"I know," Jared says, gaze dropping from Jensen's, and then he gets to his feet, picks up his empty bottle from the table and leaves the room.



"God, I'm sorry," Jensen says during the brief pause in the sounds of extremely energetic sex. "I didn't realise―"

"It's fine," Jared says. His voice cracks and he clears his throat loudly. He's sitting too close to Jensen, as usual, breathing a little heavy, even though he's clearly trying―mostly unsuccessfully―to regulate it into something more normal sounding.

Jensen is very carefully avoiding eye contact, gaze fixed firmly on the TV screen in front of them, but considering the movie playing is the cause of the current discomfort, it's not really working that well as a distraction.

"I didn't realise it would be quite so... graphic," Jensen says, and winces when the moaning starts up again. "I hadn't seen any reviews, but Misha said it was funny―" In his mind, Jensen shakes his fist violently at his absent asshole of a best friend, and then scowls when imaginary Misha laughs in his face.

"It is funny," Jared says quickly. "I liked the part where―" And then the couch shifts as Jared suddenly squirms uncomfortably beside him. "Oh, I don't think that's going to fit, is it?"

The question isn't really aimed at Jensen, but he refocuses on the screen long enough to determine that Jared's right, and no, it really isn't going to fit, not without a hell of a lot of persuasion or possibly some brute force, and he takes the unilateral decision to end their movie night there and then. Jared, as far as he can tell, is pretty innocent about the ways of man or dragon, and Jensen's not feeling particularly good about some unexpectedly adult comedy being his initiation.

Unfortunately, he hits pause instead of stop, and manages to freeze frame on a pretty unfortunate image. Jensen jabs at the remote control desperately, and it shoots out of his grip to land in Jared's lap. He reaches out unthinkingly to grab it, and then pauses, hand resting uncertainly over the bulge in the soft material of Jared's sweats.

Jensen isn't staring, not really, it's just where his hand happens to be, but he's also having real difficulty looking away. The bulge between Jared's thighs is... not unimpressive. Not that he makes a habit of mentally sizing other guy's dicks up, but even with his limited frame of reference, he feels pretty confident in saying Jared's got nothing to be embarrassed about.

Jared shifts again, and Jensen jerks his hand back, and then himself back until he's perched at the end of the couch cushions, eyes wide with horror and teetering precariously on the edge.

Lately, he's found himself obsessing more and more on weird little details about Jared; his wide mouth, pink lips and cute little mole high up and just over from his nose. The huge hands and strong arms that would have no difficult pinning...someone to whichever hard, or soft, surface took his fancy. The expanse of his back tapering down into long, slim thighs and a taut, muscled ass that would be firm to the touch, but would give perfectly to fingers massaging deep the tense muscles, or maybe just hang on tight while Jared works himself deeper into the shivering body beneath him, sweat pooling at his hairline while he growls low in his throat his mate's name―

Jensen shudders and shakes his head, desperate to gain some control of his wayward thoughts. The room is silent apart from the sound of his own ragged breathing, and he clears his throat when it starts to becomes oppressive.

"I'm sorry," Jensen says again, even more awkward with the recent turn of his thoughts. "You really didn't need to see that."

When Jensen finally works up the courage to turn to face Jared, it's to find him vaguely flushed, strong, white teeth biting down on his bottom lip, a not quite steady hand raking his hair back from his face.

"I'm not some innocent you need to protect, Jensen," Jared says. The words would be more reassuring if Jared could meet his gaze, and Jensen feels a surge of fondness overwhelm him.

"I know, but I kind of got the impression that the dragon world isn't quite so free and easy about sex as the human world, that's all. I thought that kind of thing might be offensive to your people."

Jared's tense shoulders drop and he risks a glance at Jensen. "We don't have anything like that at home," he agrees cautiously. "But I wasn't offended," he adds hurriedly. "I―through the portals, the TV and movies I watched before I came here didn't seem to be quite so, um, detailed."

Jensen snorts out a laugh. "Considering most of the stuff you were tuning into was still in black and white, no big surprise there."

Jared's flush is finally fading, and he watches Jensen carefully. "I have seen... other things though, on your computer. I was surprised that people were so willing to share such intimacy with strangers."

"Um," Jensen reaches up a hand to scrub at the back of his neck. "Yeah, that's kind of a... specialist arena. Not everyone―most people prefer to keep that kind of thing private."

Jared nods. He seems pleased by the information.

"So I guess it could be kind of tempting for a lot of dragons, the human word," Jensen probes. "Probably be the perfect opportunity to let loose and spread your wings, no pun intended."

Jared frowns, and drops his gaze down to his lap to study his hands. "You mean you think I should go out and find someone to experiment with?"

The whole conversation is Jensen's fault, and he's got absolutely no right to dictate to Jared what he can and can't do, but it's hard to remember that with sudden slam of fury Jared's artless question provokes.

"I thought you said dragons mated for life!"

"I thought you said humans didn't."

"They don't, but that's not the point! I don't want your first time," he pauses, fixes Jared with a commanding stare, which doesn't work because Jared still isn't looking at him, "it would be your first time, right?"

"First guy, first girl, first dragon. First everything."

"Right, that's―okay, good," Jensen stumbles, "I think it's best... Jared, your first time, it should mean something."

"Did yours?" Jared asks. He's tense again, lips set in a thin line.

"No. It really didn't." Jensen shrugs uncomfortably. "We hadn't been dating long, and it definitely wasn't serious, but in the end it kind of felt like it was easier to do it than to try to come up with a reason not to." Jensen stares at Jared's bowed head, and waits tensely for his response. When it finally comes, it isn't anything that he'd been expecting.

"I saw you," Jared says, suddenly. "It was strictly forbidden for me to use the portal to watch you, but I managed to sneak into a private viewing chamber one day during a royal celebration when I knew everyone would be too focused on the ceremony to notice. You were in the bedroom of your parents home with a girl. Celia," he says the name like it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. "The two of you were―was she the one...?"

Jensen shakes his head, a knot of inexplicable guilt burning hot in his stomach. It's a familiar sensation, he realizes suddenly, the same one he gets every time he sleeps with someone new. It's been happening for so long, he's pretty much stopped noticing it, but now suddenly, with Jared here right next to him and all his talk of mating and names burnt on souls, he wonders if there's more to it than that. It also occurs to him that this is the reason Jared only ever risked peaking in on him once. A fresh wave of guilt rushes over him, and he pushes it aside for later examination.

"No," Jensen says when he realizes Jared is still waiting for him to answer. "No, we were just friends, kids and she wanted to―doesn't matter. It was years afterward that I―well, it was a long damn time anyway."

"So if it didn't mean anything to you, why does it have to mean anything to me?"

"Because you're different, because the world you were raised in is different. You can't just ignore all of that now because things didn't work out exactly like you had planned."

"Coming here caused a lot of disharmony in my family." Jared looks up at Jensen finally, and Jensen frowns and nods, because it's not like this is news to him. "If I go home now alone, if I have to admit that I failed..."

"Are you kidding me? You can't go round fucking random dudes in the hope you'll find one to take home so you can rub your parents nose in the fact you were right!"

Jared lurches to his feet, and paces the room in front of Jensen. "That isn't what I meant, but I think you're right; in this world maybe I can have more than one mate, maybe I just need to search for him."

"No, Jay, no; that's just crazy. No one in his right mind is going to turn down sex with you if you're offering it no strings attached, but that's all it'll be, believe me, and I can't stand by and watch you get hurt like that. I might not be your mate, but I'm still your friend "

Jared rounds on him, his expression filled with furious betrayal. "If you were really my friend, then you would help me, and if no one in his right mind would turn down sex with me, then why do you?"

"Because I care about you! You think we've got some big, mythical bond, and I'm not going to take advantage of that, whether you want me to or not!"

Jared freezes, and then turns slowly to face Jensen. "So not because I'm a male?"

"What? No. I mean yes, that too. Obviously."

"You don't sound as certain as before," Jared says, and prowls across the floor toward Jensen and drops down on the coffee table in front of him, not enough room so their knees jostle for space, and much too close, as always. "Jensen, if you think there's a chance, you have to tell me. I don't need you to protect me." Jared leans in, closer still, and suddenly Jensen is struggling to remember what his objections were.

"I―Jared, this is a really bad idea," he perseveres through the sluggish heat working its way through his veins and slowly fogging his brain. "I'm not even looking for a relationship right now, let along a lifetime commitment, and neither of those things matter if I can't get past the guy thing."

"I'm willing to take the risk," Jared says. "Are you?"

Jensen looks back at Jared, takes in his familiar face, the slanted eyes that he can still see peering back at him from a tiny green body at the end of his bed, no longer glittering now, but shining bright, the colors swirling and merging. Jensen is abruptly reminded that Jared isn't human, much as it's normally impossible to tell just by looking at him, and maybe he's right; Jared is a dragon, a whole other species. Do the normal rules even apply?

He nods slowly, not sure what his response will be until he hears the words leave his mouth.

"If you're really sure, we can try―"

Jared lets out a booming laugh and leans into the last few inches separating them to drag Jensen to his feet and into a bone-crushing hug.

"It's going to be so great, Jensen, I promise," he mutters against Jensen's ear. His tongue flicks out to lick against the dent in his lobe, and Jensen feels a shiver work its way down his spine.

When his body begins to relax against Jared's, he forces himself to straighten, and tries to pull away to put a few much needed millimeters of space between them.

Jared tightens his hold, clings even tighter for a second and then loosens his grasp to gently push Jensen away and to peer down into his face. "Got it," he says, the light in his eyes dimming a little, but the beaming grin still in place. "Baby steps."

"Baby steps," Jensen agrees, and wonders why Jared's idea of baby steps feels more like he's just strapped himself into a pair of ten-league boots.

Chapter 5