Don't wake me up, plan on sleeping in...
school is entirely overrated. i mean as far as the short-term experience, not so much the long-term. I definitely need a degree so I don't have to wait tables for the rest of my life, I just find this environment to be utterly exhausting. Not so much the workload, because let's face it- I do absolutely as little as necessary, pretty much everything else though. I think I'm going to end up majoring in Biology. But I have to wonder how well that's really going to work out, taking into account how shamelessly unmotivated I am. I have the aspirations, just not the motivation. I guess that's a start. I was going to major in Psychology because I think it's decently interesting, but where the fuck will that get me? I don't want to be a psychologist. I hate people, I'm not listening to them bitch for a living. Hmm...I find it laughable that I even have to pretend to be thinking about what I want to do for the rest of my life. Like I have a fucking clue. I don't think I will for a very long time. So for now, I'm going to go with what I suck the least at, science, math, shit like that. At least I'll never have to take another god-awful english or history course. I've been in school for less than 5 weeks, but I can't wait until next semester, and next year even more so. Really I can't wait to graduate, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
i think i hold grudges too long. but i dont care, people are such assholes, why do they deserve to be forgiven? my general dislike for the human race also plays into that though. i should probably work on that.
the most idiotic thing i've done since school has started is beginning to talk to him again. i don't know what's wrong with me, but i am really aware that i'm particularly lacking in the self-control department. after ignoring him all summer, i felt victorious at first, for not catering to what he wanted of me for the first time since i've met him. then, once school started the idea actually popped into my head that i might be doing the wrong thing. not taking advantage of an opportunity, fucking up something that has the potential to be good, etc etc... I need to have a real conversation with him, but it's really difficult at this point because I'm just so mad and frustrated from years of falling for the same bullshit over and over. I'd challenge anyone to convince me that guys give a shit about anything other than sex when it comes to the opposite sex.
There's nothing especially special about being nineteen, to my utter dismay. I always seem to hope that the next age will be somewhat extraordinary and in turn set myself up for the let down. I wish I could be extraordinarily young again. Like 8, when you didn't even realize how good and easy you had it, and therefore couldn't even fully appreciate the ease at which you went through life until you were older. Only this time, I'd know to enjoy it while I had it. I'd watch impossibly cheesy shows on tv and be overly amused, I wouldn't have this food complex, I wouldn't have yet developed my OCD tendancies, I'd mutter entire sentences withOUT using the words fuck, asshole, biotch, or cunt, and my thoughts would not revolve around boys and sex. Interesting how time goes by, I didn't even notice how much I'd changed. Although it does become somewhat apparent when I go home and have to make an exerted effort to fully censor myself around my mother.
i think i hold grudges too long. but i dont care, people are such assholes, why do they deserve to be forgiven? my general dislike for the human race also plays into that though. i should probably work on that.
the most idiotic thing i've done since school has started is beginning to talk to him again. i don't know what's wrong with me, but i am really aware that i'm particularly lacking in the self-control department. after ignoring him all summer, i felt victorious at first, for not catering to what he wanted of me for the first time since i've met him. then, once school started the idea actually popped into my head that i might be doing the wrong thing. not taking advantage of an opportunity, fucking up something that has the potential to be good, etc etc... I need to have a real conversation with him, but it's really difficult at this point because I'm just so mad and frustrated from years of falling for the same bullshit over and over. I'd challenge anyone to convince me that guys give a shit about anything other than sex when it comes to the opposite sex.
There's nothing especially special about being nineteen, to my utter dismay. I always seem to hope that the next age will be somewhat extraordinary and in turn set myself up for the let down. I wish I could be extraordinarily young again. Like 8, when you didn't even realize how good and easy you had it, and therefore couldn't even fully appreciate the ease at which you went through life until you were older. Only this time, I'd know to enjoy it while I had it. I'd watch impossibly cheesy shows on tv and be overly amused, I wouldn't have this food complex, I wouldn't have yet developed my OCD tendancies, I'd mutter entire sentences withOUT using the words fuck, asshole, biotch, or cunt, and my thoughts would not revolve around boys and sex. Interesting how time goes by, I didn't even notice how much I'd changed. Although it does become somewhat apparent when I go home and have to make an exerted effort to fully censor myself around my mother.