-It'S noT me -- it'S -- YOU-
Let's see...(I want to write about everything that has happened since Tuesday...)
Tuesday: Freddie came over around Noon.
He bought me a sexy ass stuffed animal!! It's a fuckin cute ass white tiger...Yup, yup he's soooo soft. I love him to deaths!! His name it Whitey!!
Hmmm...We watched Requiem for a Dream. (my fav. movie) Freddie never seen it so that was kul. I'm pretty sure he liked it, well what he could understand of it at least...And then we went walking. I'm not suppose to have anyone in the house when my dad's not there. So we left around 3something maybe and went to Starbucks to get me a Moca Frap. **licks lips** I'm addicted!! ...And Freddie was hungry so we went to Angilos!! Yup, yup and we got some pizza and had some funny but kul conversations!! ;-) Hmmmm I told Freddie the day before it was my dad's birthday so he had a good idea to give my dad the 4pieces of pizza left to him for his birthday. And we got a box to put them in went across the street, bought him a card and a (purple) bow...
Yup, yup...Got home ran in the house signed the card. And gave it to him. Freddie was scared of my dad. But I knew that as long as I was kul with Freddie being there he'd be too, because he only wants what makes me happy...Etc...etc...And den...
Me n Freddie chilled in my room n made some sexy bracelets. And I gave him a few of my old ones that I don't wear anymore, and he gave one'a his red jelly's and a black one ;-)We listened to some tunes. He hung up my picture of Me n Him (It fell down again later that night...ugh)...We played dress up!! Tehe it was fun ;-) Freddie made me look like one'a the grrrlz from T.A.T.U. I had on my black n white skirt and a wife beater, my black tie, and fishnet stockings...**giggles** Freddie had on some red vinal pants, a wife beater, one'a my necklaces, my pink panther tie, a bandana on like 2Pac, plue a visor over that, PLUS some bunny ears over those!! Ahahahah he's so cute ;-) I got pictures...Sexy shit yo!! Yup yup yup yup...Eh hem...
We went though all the notebooks that Me n him kept over the past years or whatever...That was weird...But it was all good...I think...Ughie ugh ugh ugh!! UGH!! Memories...Hmmmm?! Reminds me of an old cheesy quote...
So he had to go home at sometime...I think it was around 10or so...And I just curled up in my lil bed and cried...Yes that'd be me the lil confused grrrl I am...[Note to self: Don't talk to Naelynn anymore!!]
Wednesday: I was so depressed from the day before I didn't even bother getting outta my bed. I slept until about 4pm. And got woken up by Jonathan Lee blowing and growling in my face!! ROTFlmfao!! I haven't really seen Jon in like a year or so. I've spotted him at concerts n such, but that was about it. And here he is waking me up...All I had to tell him that moment was "Ahaha I'm butt-nakie grrrl right now..." A long time ago he gave me that nick-name cuz I sleep naked...OK ENOUGH INFO!! It was funny oh well...You had to be there...
Well I follwed Jon, Sam and this other random dude named John Weaver around while they smoked weed. Yeah I don't smoke so I wasn't really having that much fun. And it was kinda weird this random dude just joined in on chillin with us like wtf (That would be the John Weaver kid...)?! Now I'm glad I don't smoke weed cuz Freddie said that the John dude has Scabies n shit like that...Ahahaha...Ew...That John kid likes me. Oh well too bad I DON'T LIKE HIM!! Ahahahah funny shit yo!!
Thursday: Slept ALL day...I was SOOOOO depressed I didn't even want to move. And by that time I'm sure I was dehydrated as well from not getting outta bed since I slept the night before...I just have no motivation anymore to even get outta bed. I have no motivation to care anymore, about hardly anyone or anything...There is one thing that I care about deaply...And yeah that's the confusing part...
...My dad saw me crying...(Yeah the 1outta 1,000times he comes in the basement he finally notices me.) So he yells at me, "Don't start this shit with me!!" "If it's that fuckin boy Freddie again I'm going to kill someone!!" "You're pushing it you're almost 18here!!" Wow I swear I could kill him...Too bad he don't know that FREDDIE is about the ONLY reason that I'M NOT dead already...Ugh, I'm starting to hate my dad so much. (The thing is he's never really taken care of kids before and when my Mom died, we were stuck with him and he honestally don't know WHAT to do when I get depressed, so he blames it on the 1st person he can. Ugh!) He just don't understand how hard shit is for me. I can't do anything anymore without crying. Billy plays around with me joking n shit, and I fuckin cry. Someone calls and wants to chill with me I just tell Billy to tell them I'm not leaving the house and I sit there and cry...Yeah it's getting hopeless. I'm seriouslly considering giving in.
...Hmm...Freddie called around 11pm and we talked for a while. I fuct some shit up on accident...Sorry Freddie, I love you!! You know I'd never mean to make that happen!! Ugh...Yeah so whatever he talked about when he's going to come over next time the shit we can do...ROTFlmfao at his double chicken cheese burger, or whatever it was!! Ahahahaha!! I'm amused...I should've told him how I felt. I DIDN'T!! I froze up...
Friday: ...Hmm and then I just cried myself to sleep again thinking about how I should just admit myself to the hosp. for a few years but then I thought wtf is the point of that...It's the nicest feeling in the world being in the hosp because you DON'T have to care about shit, because you're isolated and there isn't shit to care or think about...Yet then again YOU MISS EVERYTHING!! And you haven't the slighest clue what's going on in the outside world!! UGH!! So I don't know. I just overwhelmed myself. ...Some reason then I finally got outta bed, got a bath and was going to go to IGA to get me a new phone card, and then walk to Krogers and get an application. Cuz I was thinking about it if Mindy ikissdrunkboys still wants to get a place with me, I'm all for it. But yeah it helps if I have money...Then again I really, really, really wanna get my Mom's car. And my dad has a $5,000payment that he has to pay before he can even sell it. Freddie really wants her car, so I would help him get the money to get it, but I have to get a fuckin job!! Ugh confusing...
Summer summercruilty thinks that she has the ability to help me with my problems. She says that I just won't let her...So I figured why sit and cry when Summer can fix it...I had her call me...Yet again proved that noone can help me. But she offered to take my bowling and to spend the night at her house. She said she was going to let me get stuffys...Didn't happen... ...Ughie...Hmmm...But I was actually learning how to bowl, the 1st time anyone ever took the time to teach me. I had a 6lb. ball...Tehe, don't make fun!! Oh well...I got a spare once. Yeah I was prowd of that...:-) **moving on** and then ummm...Me n Summer came back to her house and she's been online most'a the time, till I wanted to updated all this shit.
I needed like a inch or maybe even just a cm. cut off my hair, cuz it was annoying me all being kinda split-ends. So I asked Summer if she would do it. Ummmm yeah hair cut gone wrong. Now I have like an inch off the left side, 2ins. comming up the middle and like none cut on the right side...WTF?! I'm never letting anyone cut my hair again. Obviouslly noone seems to care, cuz it's been fuct up now fer about 3-4hours. I don't really know the time goes by slow when you're bored outta you mind. So I think I'm just going to get Tonya to even it out. That way it will be how I want it, but NOONE touches my bangs, ever!! I've never even let Amaris touch my bangs!! Tehe. I'm growing my hair back to how it was when it was black n green in the front. Yet I don't know if I want to go back to black, sept I know I probally will...Ugh what color should I dye my hair?!
I'm out I think I'll just go curl up with Whitey and die somewhere...I wish I had my Fweddie Bear back!!
Tuesday: Freddie came over around Noon.
He bought me a sexy ass stuffed animal!! It's a fuckin cute ass white tiger...Yup, yup he's soooo soft. I love him to deaths!! His name it Whitey!!
Hmmm...We watched Requiem for a Dream. (my fav. movie) Freddie never seen it so that was kul. I'm pretty sure he liked it, well what he could understand of it at least...And then we went walking. I'm not suppose to have anyone in the house when my dad's not there. So we left around 3something maybe and went to Starbucks to get me a Moca Frap. **licks lips** I'm addicted!! ...And Freddie was hungry so we went to Angilos!! Yup, yup and we got some pizza and had some funny but kul conversations!! ;-) Hmmmm I told Freddie the day before it was my dad's birthday so he had a good idea to give my dad the 4pieces of pizza left to him for his birthday. And we got a box to put them in went across the street, bought him a card and a (purple) bow...
Yup, yup...Got home ran in the house signed the card. And gave it to him. Freddie was scared of my dad. But I knew that as long as I was kul with Freddie being there he'd be too, because he only wants what makes me happy...Etc...etc...And den...
Me n Freddie chilled in my room n made some sexy bracelets. And I gave him a few of my old ones that I don't wear anymore, and he gave one'a his red jelly's and a black one ;-)We listened to some tunes. He hung up my picture of Me n Him (It fell down again later that night...ugh)...We played dress up!! Tehe it was fun ;-) Freddie made me look like one'a the grrrlz from T.A.T.U. I had on my black n white skirt and a wife beater, my black tie, and fishnet stockings...**giggles** Freddie had on some red vinal pants, a wife beater, one'a my necklaces, my pink panther tie, a bandana on like 2Pac, plue a visor over that, PLUS some bunny ears over those!! Ahahahah he's so cute ;-) I got pictures...Sexy shit yo!! Yup yup yup yup...Eh hem...
We went though all the notebooks that Me n him kept over the past years or whatever...That was weird...But it was all good...I think...Ughie ugh ugh ugh!! UGH!! Memories...Hmmmm?! Reminds me of an old cheesy quote...
So he had to go home at sometime...I think it was around 10or so...And I just curled up in my lil bed and cried...Yes that'd be me the lil confused grrrl I am...[Note to self: Don't talk to Naelynn anymore!!]
Wednesday: I was so depressed from the day before I didn't even bother getting outta my bed. I slept until about 4pm. And got woken up by Jonathan Lee blowing and growling in my face!! ROTFlmfao!! I haven't really seen Jon in like a year or so. I've spotted him at concerts n such, but that was about it. And here he is waking me up...All I had to tell him that moment was "Ahaha I'm butt-nakie grrrl right now..." A long time ago he gave me that nick-name cuz I sleep naked...OK ENOUGH INFO!! It was funny oh well...You had to be there...
Well I follwed Jon, Sam and this other random dude named John Weaver around while they smoked weed. Yeah I don't smoke so I wasn't really having that much fun. And it was kinda weird this random dude just joined in on chillin with us like wtf (That would be the John Weaver kid...)?! Now I'm glad I don't smoke weed cuz Freddie said that the John dude has Scabies n shit like that...Ahahaha...Ew...That John kid likes me. Oh well too bad I DON'T LIKE HIM!! Ahahahah funny shit yo!!
Thursday: Slept ALL day...I was SOOOOO depressed I didn't even want to move. And by that time I'm sure I was dehydrated as well from not getting outta bed since I slept the night before...I just have no motivation anymore to even get outta bed. I have no motivation to care anymore, about hardly anyone or anything...There is one thing that I care about deaply...And yeah that's the confusing part...
...My dad saw me crying...(Yeah the 1outta 1,000times he comes in the basement he finally notices me.) So he yells at me, "Don't start this shit with me!!" "If it's that fuckin boy Freddie again I'm going to kill someone!!" "You're pushing it you're almost 18here!!" Wow I swear I could kill him...Too bad he don't know that FREDDIE is about the ONLY reason that I'M NOT dead already...Ugh, I'm starting to hate my dad so much. (The thing is he's never really taken care of kids before and when my Mom died, we were stuck with him and he honestally don't know WHAT to do when I get depressed, so he blames it on the 1st person he can. Ugh!) He just don't understand how hard shit is for me. I can't do anything anymore without crying. Billy plays around with me joking n shit, and I fuckin cry. Someone calls and wants to chill with me I just tell Billy to tell them I'm not leaving the house and I sit there and cry...Yeah it's getting hopeless. I'm seriouslly considering giving in.
...Hmm...Freddie called around 11pm and we talked for a while. I fuct some shit up on accident...Sorry Freddie, I love you!! You know I'd never mean to make that happen!! Ugh...Yeah so whatever he talked about when he's going to come over next time the shit we can do...ROTFlmfao at his double chicken cheese burger, or whatever it was!! Ahahahaha!! I'm amused...I should've told him how I felt. I DIDN'T!! I froze up...
Friday: ...Hmm and then I just cried myself to sleep again thinking about how I should just admit myself to the hosp. for a few years but then I thought wtf is the point of that...It's the nicest feeling in the world being in the hosp because you DON'T have to care about shit, because you're isolated and there isn't shit to care or think about...Yet then again YOU MISS EVERYTHING!! And you haven't the slighest clue what's going on in the outside world!! UGH!! So I don't know. I just overwhelmed myself. ...Some reason then I finally got outta bed, got a bath and was going to go to IGA to get me a new phone card, and then walk to Krogers and get an application. Cuz I was thinking about it if Mindy ikissdrunkboys still wants to get a place with me, I'm all for it. But yeah it helps if I have money...Then again I really, really, really wanna get my Mom's car. And my dad has a $5,000payment that he has to pay before he can even sell it. Freddie really wants her car, so I would help him get the money to get it, but I have to get a fuckin job!! Ugh confusing...
Summer summercruilty thinks that she has the ability to help me with my problems. She says that I just won't let her...So I figured why sit and cry when Summer can fix it...I had her call me...Yet again proved that noone can help me. But she offered to take my bowling and to spend the night at her house. She said she was going to let me get stuffys...Didn't happen... ...Ughie...Hmmm...But I was actually learning how to bowl, the 1st time anyone ever took the time to teach me. I had a 6lb. ball...Tehe, don't make fun!! Oh well...I got a spare once. Yeah I was prowd of that...:-) **moving on** and then ummm...Me n Summer came back to her house and she's been online most'a the time, till I wanted to updated all this shit.
I needed like a inch or maybe even just a cm. cut off my hair, cuz it was annoying me all being kinda split-ends. So I asked Summer if she would do it. Ummmm yeah hair cut gone wrong. Now I have like an inch off the left side, 2ins. comming up the middle and like none cut on the right side...WTF?! I'm never letting anyone cut my hair again. Obviouslly noone seems to care, cuz it's been fuct up now fer about 3-4hours. I don't really know the time goes by slow when you're bored outta you mind. So I think I'm just going to get Tonya to even it out. That way it will be how I want it, but NOONE touches my bangs, ever!! I've never even let Amaris touch my bangs!! Tehe. I'm growing my hair back to how it was when it was black n green in the front. Yet I don't know if I want to go back to black, sept I know I probally will...Ugh what color should I dye my hair?!
I'm out I think I'll just go curl up with Whitey and die somewhere...I wish I had my Fweddie Bear back!!