The Story of Christmas By: Craig Rogers
There once was a tree who loved children.
And by “loved” I mean ate.
Delicious, scrumptious, delectable kiddies.
And this tree,
every year,
it would come out of its hiding spot
(because trees have hiding spots)
and it would set up shop in living rooms
all over the world.
But one year someone thought
“What if we feed the tree so it won’t eat our babies?”
So they put out cookies on shiny clean plates
and saucers of milk chilled just right
and then they turned off the lights and waited
and waited
until they fell asleep.
The next morning the cookies and milk were gone.
And in their place?
Presents!
Boxes of all shapes and sizes
wrapped in bright shiny paper and big curly bows!
Because killer trees shit toys when they eat cookies and milk.
And that’s where Christmas comes from.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!