TW Fic: Patchwork Square (1/1)
Title: Patchwork Square
Author: lizzledpink
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Tosh, Ianto (implied Jack/Ianto)
Summary: Tosh likes to observe and Tosh likes to think, and Ianto is an ideal subject for both. Oneshot.
Sorry about the very long A/N: I thought, upon uploading it, that my Tosh icon would not see much use. It's rapidly become a popular one in my repertoire, representing me when I am speaking more for myself than as a shipper or as part of a specific fandom. So, it feels rather natural that my Ianto-meta came out in the form of Tosh's voice and introspection. Tosh and I have much in common. :)
The idea came about while reading Sam’s fic, again. Sorry, inner self. I know you hate it when I stop reading something in the middle of it. I guess I’ll finish Season Zero tomorrow, but the inspiration struck and I had to write this!
This probably takes place during Random Shoes, because I like to think that there were things going on outside of Gwen's little world. Don't get me wrong. I like Gwen. But Random Shoes is my least favorite episode, because it's depthless but for the "mystery" of Eugene and to showcase, again, Gwen's compassion. Already, by episode eight, Gwen's compassion is a bit old hat and getting rather transparent. Really, she (and the entire show, and all the characters) gets so much better in season two...
Beta: None, so if you’re feeling particularly awesome and find any mistakes or have any suggestions for editing, do let me know and I’ll add a note here declaring how great a person you are. Same goes for brit-picking.
Disclaimer: I don’t own. I make no money. Don’t sue, please; it’s not like you’ll get much.
:::
I started to watch him after what I heard with the pendant, and I quickly realized that there might be another whole reason why Jack always watches our archivist, aside from the fact that he's cute as a button.
He's interesting.
:::
Of course, this is where my social ineptitude comes out. Some people, like Jack and Gwen, maybe, can look at a person and figure them out, just like that. They speak a language of gestures, smiles, and eyebrows that often flies right over my head, and it's because they know people. I mentioned one of my Ianto-observations to Gwen, casually, and her reply made me think that she'd known that about Ianto from the start. One look, and she just knew. I had to go and see it up close to know.
That's how I work. I need data to analyze and interpret, so I can find a common function between things. Humans aren't mathematics, but there's enough of a correlation.
It started with little things. I kept track of Ianto, seeing how he went through the day. In one day, he serves us coffee, he brings us lunch. Everybody is careful to thank him now, but only Jack and I see how often he knows the exact moment to approach with a cup of coffee, or how he knows exactly which days Gwen will want to order a veggie pizza rather than cheese.
I haven't experienced it personally, or known anybody to have done so, but I've read the files, and usually that's enough for me - I'm used to a lack of practical experience, in all things. I think I know a little about empathy. Maybe Ianto has it. He may or may not be aware of it. Or, he might just be oddly attuned to people's needs. From what I know of psychology, maybe he grew up in a world that needed him to be that attuned, where he was conditioned to anticipate people, and thus he learned a sort of faux empathy as a defense mechanism, to stay invisible. Like with abused children. It's natural for him to please others, primarily, not himself. His self-preservation instinct is either non-existent or extremely well-concealed.
I don't mean Ianto was abused, necessarily. But I'm certain he hasn't had it easy in life. He's only in his mid-twenties and already he's as jaded as the rest of us at Torchwood Three, and it breaks my heart just a little.
:::
He has these little obsessions and quirks. It doesn't take long to recognize most of them.
First, the suits. In the early days, it was painfully obvious that he was unaccustomed to wearing suits, but now he wears the suit as a mixture of armour, character, and pride. They - oh, that's a bad pun! The suits suit him these days. Ianto has crafted a persona that's part James Bond and part butler. He's grown into it. I can't decide if that's good or bad, so I'll write it off as another funny thing about Ianto.
He's just one half-step out of tune with the rest of the world. We all are, but Ianto is more subtle about it. I have my genius and shyness, and perhaps the way I cling to affection. Owen is always so bitter, and underneath, so hurt. Gwen is very normal, so normal that you have to look deeply to see why she works at Torchwood. She yearns for adventure, and is a little reckless with her emotions and those of the people around her. Just that tiny bit of messed-up is enough to give her entry.
But Gwen's screw-ups aren't the point right now. She may be having issues with her love life, but Ianto is so much more interesting. Ianto also doesn't remind me of the insufferable drama that haunted my days in high school.
:::
The second quirk that comes to mind is the way he's always so orderly.
He doesn't quite have OCD. If we leave things lying about, yes, he'll be irritated. He'll fix things up again and give us decaf for a week as revenge. But he isn't going to panic.
I believe he's just one of those people that genuinely likes order. Ianto is content if everything is where it should be, when it should be. The problem is reconciling this with his chosen occupation. In spite of his organized, structured ways, he works at perhaps the most chaotic job on the planet, with Torchwood. The danger ranges from End of the Known World to Lazy Coworker Syndrome, and the basis of the work hours is entirely random, because its inspiration is a force of nature, a nearly unpredictable rift in space-time. Over Cardiff.
He might be one of those people who tries to make sense out of the disorderly, but I don't think that's the case, either. That would require fitting everything into little boxes, and with all the new ideas that pelt us here, you need to be open-minded.
Ianto is a walking contradiction. A fixed, predictable dot in the middle of a collage pasted together with primary school doodles.
Maybe it's that Ianto is a practical, orderly person that is somehow attracted to chaos. He finds it fascinating, perhaps. If that's the case, it explains not only why his life is Torchwood, but also why he likes Jack so much. Jack is very much the antithesis of order. The two of them are like fire and ice, balancing each other out.
I was trying to keep this from descending into my enthusiasm over the fact that Jack and Ianto are shagging or whatever else they want to call it. I don't know if Gwen has noticed, and Owen doesn't care, but I've seen the CCTV. I should teach Ianto how to wipe it better, if he really doesn't want his real life slash/porn extended nights at the Hub to be on record.
:::
Hand in hand with that orderliness is cleanliness. The man is simply sharp, and so is everything around him. He can be seen mopping up this or that alien fluid, or filing in the archives. You might even catch him wiping down the windows in the Tourist Office. Everything has to be pristine.
I'll admit to contributing to the mess. I'm usually good about organization, particularly with paperwork and especially on computer systems. Keeping anything else clean requires only manners and common sense. My problem is that I get absorbed in my work. If I'm trapped in programming, I can't be bothered to get out of my seat and bin something, so I put it on my desk. Eventually my workspace ends up cluttered with things I need to sort or throw away.
Ianto's such a sweetheart about it. For me, at least, he can usually give me a gentle nod as a reminder to pick up after myself. I don't know how he puts up with Gwen and Owen, who don't even notice the trails they leave in their wake. Maybe he just sees it as his duty to keep us all from drowning in rubbish. And he seems content with it. No, really. I thought he might want to stop, after Lisa, but it turns out that was one of the duties we had delegated to Ianto that he wasn't complaining about. He doesn't see it as a belittlement of his position on the team. Just another thing that's up to him, that only he can do well.
I'm a little awed by Ianto sometimes. I wish I had that kind of dedication.
:::
Ianto is very clever. Not math and computer clever, but strategy-clever, people-clever, and engineering-clever. We all underestimated him. He was at Torchwood One, so we shouldn't have. They may have mostly hired immoral beasts, but all their recruits were smart as whips, and Ianto is no exception. He was able to sneak half a Cyberwoman into the Hub right under Jack's nose, and looking past how much it hurts to know he couldn't trust us and that we let him down, I can still find room to be amazed. He also managed to build that cyber-conversion unit. Lisa told him it was life support. It doesn't matter what he thought it did, though. He was given the schematics and the materials, and he miraculously pulled together a fully-functional piece of delicate alien technology. Instructions are harder to follow than one might think.
I guess Ianto and I have many parallels. We both have betrayed something or somebody for the sake of love. Jack forgave us, and gave us another chance. For me, he also showed me how brilliant I am - I've always been smart, but I never knew just what I could do until Jack sat me down and showed me the Hub's mainframe, the intricate darling that she is.
Hopefully, Ianto will learn, too. I want to see Ianto learn how to shine with every last ounce of brilliance, using all those skills he kept for Lisa on Torchwood's behalf instead. I want him to realize just how intelligent and witty and invaluable he is. I think Jack will do wonders for him in all areas except his insecurity. It's hard not to be insecure, when you're trying to live up to Jack. He's a hero. Sometimes a monster, yes, but in order to be a hero being a monster is sometimes necessary. That's life. And it will always be impossible to measure up to Jack, but we try anyway.
I want to be his friend. I will be one of the people who compliments him only with the truth, because I won't need to lie if I want to point out how great he is. I just don't know how to start. What do friends do? I've given my life over to Torchwood, and it has saved me, but I haven't had a proper friend outside of work in so, so long.
Maybe that's why Mary was able to hook me. She could take the lead in our relationship, because I simply didn't know what to do except to follow what I felt. There was no room for anything but trust and care. If we didn't go out on dates, fine. Torchwood doesn't do normal, after all, so where is the harm?
And now, if I continue down that line of thought, I'm going to start a pity party. Let's not.
:::
Ianto has seen me watching. He probably thinks it's because of what I heard. He's right, of course. I am worried for him. He's in so much pain, and I know that better than I want to know.
But he's young, strong, has support from us, and he's dealing with it and slowly regathering the pieces of his life. It makes me feel proud when he manages to slip in a sarcastic quip behind the others' backs. It's a piece of his hilarious, dry sense of irony. Just one more fraction of the real Ianto, beneath the pain, the suits, the layers of intrigue, the mask, and the protective deception. I can't help but smile.
Ianto will heal from the scars he has suffered through in these hectic weeks. At least one of us will.
Ianto has seen me watching. I don't care. If he wants to confront me about it, then I'll admit it. But I'll also tell him that it was only at first because of what I heard with the pendant. Then it turned into something else. I've started to see Ianto the person, and I can't stop. I like Ianto the person. He's gorgeous inside and out, and that's blessedly rare. I'd be honored to say I know him, but I don't, not yet.
With any luck, like all things, it will only be a matter of time.
:::
"Thanks for the coffee, Ianto. You're going to spoil all of us for corporate drinks, you know," Tosh said, smiling in a way that meant she was trying to tease.
Ianto smiled back. "You're welcome. As long as it's not coffee, I think you'll all live. Aside from that, this only means I can never leave because you would all wither away from instant coffee, and I wasn't planning to leave anyway."
"I'm glad. You're good to have around, Ianto."
Her computer made a tinny little blipping sound, and Tosh frowned, looking back.
"What's wrong?"
"I was compiling some code quickly - it found an error somewhere."
"What kind of programs do you write, anyway?" Ianto asked. Tosh found herself inordinately pleased that he knew the right jargon for her work. "I've been trying to imagine the internal maintenance the mainframe might need, but the only thing I can think you might be doing is debugging the system."
Tosh shook her head. "Whoever built our system was brilliant. It rarely needs debugging, anywhere. I write programs for a lot of little things - anything from automatic email deliveries to alien translation programs. Sometimes, I need to work with complex fourth-dimensional mathematics, which I can sometimes rope Jack in on - he knows more than he pretends about intertemporal functionality, and when I'm lucky I can get him to slip up and help me out."
Ianto seemed genuinely interested. "That doesn't surprise me," he said about Jack, but his mind was obviously on the rest of her answer. He looked at the computer screen, and she could see his eyes dancing across the punctuation thoughtfully. "There," he said. "It must have faulted on that extra semicolon."
With a few taps on her keyboard and a few muttered curses, Tosh altered the line. "Thanks, Ianto."
"Anytime. Actually, do you have any plans? Would you like to go out for lunch today, or something? We can ditch the lovebirds and tell them to order takeaway. I'd like to just talk with you for a while - not a date or anything."
"Just as - what, friends?" Tosh hoped she didn't sound too hopeful over the prospect.
Ianto smiled understandingly. Tosh thought she should have felt a bit insulted and a bit worried that he could see through her, but all she felt was a sense of something warm in her heart, something cheerful. "Friends," he agreed. "Want to come?"
"How will we ditch Jack?" Tosh asked.
"Oh, I can... distract him," Ianto answered, his face carefully blank. "I figure if I flash my arse his way, it'll keep him dazed long enough for us to slip out. I've had practice."
Tosh giggled conspiratorially, and Ianto broke into a genuine smile.
Author: lizzledpink
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Tosh, Ianto (implied Jack/Ianto)
Summary: Tosh likes to observe and Tosh likes to think, and Ianto is an ideal subject for both. Oneshot.
Sorry about the very long A/N: I thought, upon uploading it, that my Tosh icon would not see much use. It's rapidly become a popular one in my repertoire, representing me when I am speaking more for myself than as a shipper or as part of a specific fandom. So, it feels rather natural that my Ianto-meta came out in the form of Tosh's voice and introspection. Tosh and I have much in common. :)
The idea came about while reading Sam’s fic, again. Sorry, inner self. I know you hate it when I stop reading something in the middle of it. I guess I’ll finish Season Zero tomorrow, but the inspiration struck and I had to write this!
This probably takes place during Random Shoes, because I like to think that there were things going on outside of Gwen's little world. Don't get me wrong. I like Gwen. But Random Shoes is my least favorite episode, because it's depthless but for the "mystery" of Eugene and to showcase, again, Gwen's compassion. Already, by episode eight, Gwen's compassion is a bit old hat and getting rather transparent. Really, she (and the entire show, and all the characters) gets so much better in season two...
Beta: None, so if you’re feeling particularly awesome and find any mistakes or have any suggestions for editing, do let me know and I’ll add a note here declaring how great a person you are. Same goes for brit-picking.
Disclaimer: I don’t own. I make no money. Don’t sue, please; it’s not like you’ll get much.
:::
I started to watch him after what I heard with the pendant, and I quickly realized that there might be another whole reason why Jack always watches our archivist, aside from the fact that he's cute as a button.
He's interesting.
:::
Of course, this is where my social ineptitude comes out. Some people, like Jack and Gwen, maybe, can look at a person and figure them out, just like that. They speak a language of gestures, smiles, and eyebrows that often flies right over my head, and it's because they know people. I mentioned one of my Ianto-observations to Gwen, casually, and her reply made me think that she'd known that about Ianto from the start. One look, and she just knew. I had to go and see it up close to know.
That's how I work. I need data to analyze and interpret, so I can find a common function between things. Humans aren't mathematics, but there's enough of a correlation.
It started with little things. I kept track of Ianto, seeing how he went through the day. In one day, he serves us coffee, he brings us lunch. Everybody is careful to thank him now, but only Jack and I see how often he knows the exact moment to approach with a cup of coffee, or how he knows exactly which days Gwen will want to order a veggie pizza rather than cheese.
I haven't experienced it personally, or known anybody to have done so, but I've read the files, and usually that's enough for me - I'm used to a lack of practical experience, in all things. I think I know a little about empathy. Maybe Ianto has it. He may or may not be aware of it. Or, he might just be oddly attuned to people's needs. From what I know of psychology, maybe he grew up in a world that needed him to be that attuned, where he was conditioned to anticipate people, and thus he learned a sort of faux empathy as a defense mechanism, to stay invisible. Like with abused children. It's natural for him to please others, primarily, not himself. His self-preservation instinct is either non-existent or extremely well-concealed.
I don't mean Ianto was abused, necessarily. But I'm certain he hasn't had it easy in life. He's only in his mid-twenties and already he's as jaded as the rest of us at Torchwood Three, and it breaks my heart just a little.
:::
He has these little obsessions and quirks. It doesn't take long to recognize most of them.
First, the suits. In the early days, it was painfully obvious that he was unaccustomed to wearing suits, but now he wears the suit as a mixture of armour, character, and pride. They - oh, that's a bad pun! The suits suit him these days. Ianto has crafted a persona that's part James Bond and part butler. He's grown into it. I can't decide if that's good or bad, so I'll write it off as another funny thing about Ianto.
He's just one half-step out of tune with the rest of the world. We all are, but Ianto is more subtle about it. I have my genius and shyness, and perhaps the way I cling to affection. Owen is always so bitter, and underneath, so hurt. Gwen is very normal, so normal that you have to look deeply to see why she works at Torchwood. She yearns for adventure, and is a little reckless with her emotions and those of the people around her. Just that tiny bit of messed-up is enough to give her entry.
But Gwen's screw-ups aren't the point right now. She may be having issues with her love life, but Ianto is so much more interesting. Ianto also doesn't remind me of the insufferable drama that haunted my days in high school.
:::
The second quirk that comes to mind is the way he's always so orderly.
He doesn't quite have OCD. If we leave things lying about, yes, he'll be irritated. He'll fix things up again and give us decaf for a week as revenge. But he isn't going to panic.
I believe he's just one of those people that genuinely likes order. Ianto is content if everything is where it should be, when it should be. The problem is reconciling this with his chosen occupation. In spite of his organized, structured ways, he works at perhaps the most chaotic job on the planet, with Torchwood. The danger ranges from End of the Known World to Lazy Coworker Syndrome, and the basis of the work hours is entirely random, because its inspiration is a force of nature, a nearly unpredictable rift in space-time. Over Cardiff.
He might be one of those people who tries to make sense out of the disorderly, but I don't think that's the case, either. That would require fitting everything into little boxes, and with all the new ideas that pelt us here, you need to be open-minded.
Ianto is a walking contradiction. A fixed, predictable dot in the middle of a collage pasted together with primary school doodles.
Maybe it's that Ianto is a practical, orderly person that is somehow attracted to chaos. He finds it fascinating, perhaps. If that's the case, it explains not only why his life is Torchwood, but also why he likes Jack so much. Jack is very much the antithesis of order. The two of them are like fire and ice, balancing each other out.
I was trying to keep this from descending into my enthusiasm over the fact that Jack and Ianto are shagging or whatever else they want to call it. I don't know if Gwen has noticed, and Owen doesn't care, but I've seen the CCTV. I should teach Ianto how to wipe it better, if he really doesn't want his real life slash/porn extended nights at the Hub to be on record.
:::
Hand in hand with that orderliness is cleanliness. The man is simply sharp, and so is everything around him. He can be seen mopping up this or that alien fluid, or filing in the archives. You might even catch him wiping down the windows in the Tourist Office. Everything has to be pristine.
I'll admit to contributing to the mess. I'm usually good about organization, particularly with paperwork and especially on computer systems. Keeping anything else clean requires only manners and common sense. My problem is that I get absorbed in my work. If I'm trapped in programming, I can't be bothered to get out of my seat and bin something, so I put it on my desk. Eventually my workspace ends up cluttered with things I need to sort or throw away.
Ianto's such a sweetheart about it. For me, at least, he can usually give me a gentle nod as a reminder to pick up after myself. I don't know how he puts up with Gwen and Owen, who don't even notice the trails they leave in their wake. Maybe he just sees it as his duty to keep us all from drowning in rubbish. And he seems content with it. No, really. I thought he might want to stop, after Lisa, but it turns out that was one of the duties we had delegated to Ianto that he wasn't complaining about. He doesn't see it as a belittlement of his position on the team. Just another thing that's up to him, that only he can do well.
I'm a little awed by Ianto sometimes. I wish I had that kind of dedication.
:::
Ianto is very clever. Not math and computer clever, but strategy-clever, people-clever, and engineering-clever. We all underestimated him. He was at Torchwood One, so we shouldn't have. They may have mostly hired immoral beasts, but all their recruits were smart as whips, and Ianto is no exception. He was able to sneak half a Cyberwoman into the Hub right under Jack's nose, and looking past how much it hurts to know he couldn't trust us and that we let him down, I can still find room to be amazed. He also managed to build that cyber-conversion unit. Lisa told him it was life support. It doesn't matter what he thought it did, though. He was given the schematics and the materials, and he miraculously pulled together a fully-functional piece of delicate alien technology. Instructions are harder to follow than one might think.
I guess Ianto and I have many parallels. We both have betrayed something or somebody for the sake of love. Jack forgave us, and gave us another chance. For me, he also showed me how brilliant I am - I've always been smart, but I never knew just what I could do until Jack sat me down and showed me the Hub's mainframe, the intricate darling that she is.
Hopefully, Ianto will learn, too. I want to see Ianto learn how to shine with every last ounce of brilliance, using all those skills he kept for Lisa on Torchwood's behalf instead. I want him to realize just how intelligent and witty and invaluable he is. I think Jack will do wonders for him in all areas except his insecurity. It's hard not to be insecure, when you're trying to live up to Jack. He's a hero. Sometimes a monster, yes, but in order to be a hero being a monster is sometimes necessary. That's life. And it will always be impossible to measure up to Jack, but we try anyway.
I want to be his friend. I will be one of the people who compliments him only with the truth, because I won't need to lie if I want to point out how great he is. I just don't know how to start. What do friends do? I've given my life over to Torchwood, and it has saved me, but I haven't had a proper friend outside of work in so, so long.
Maybe that's why Mary was able to hook me. She could take the lead in our relationship, because I simply didn't know what to do except to follow what I felt. There was no room for anything but trust and care. If we didn't go out on dates, fine. Torchwood doesn't do normal, after all, so where is the harm?
And now, if I continue down that line of thought, I'm going to start a pity party. Let's not.
:::
Ianto has seen me watching. He probably thinks it's because of what I heard. He's right, of course. I am worried for him. He's in so much pain, and I know that better than I want to know.
But he's young, strong, has support from us, and he's dealing with it and slowly regathering the pieces of his life. It makes me feel proud when he manages to slip in a sarcastic quip behind the others' backs. It's a piece of his hilarious, dry sense of irony. Just one more fraction of the real Ianto, beneath the pain, the suits, the layers of intrigue, the mask, and the protective deception. I can't help but smile.
Ianto will heal from the scars he has suffered through in these hectic weeks. At least one of us will.
Ianto has seen me watching. I don't care. If he wants to confront me about it, then I'll admit it. But I'll also tell him that it was only at first because of what I heard with the pendant. Then it turned into something else. I've started to see Ianto the person, and I can't stop. I like Ianto the person. He's gorgeous inside and out, and that's blessedly rare. I'd be honored to say I know him, but I don't, not yet.
With any luck, like all things, it will only be a matter of time.
:::
"Thanks for the coffee, Ianto. You're going to spoil all of us for corporate drinks, you know," Tosh said, smiling in a way that meant she was trying to tease.
Ianto smiled back. "You're welcome. As long as it's not coffee, I think you'll all live. Aside from that, this only means I can never leave because you would all wither away from instant coffee, and I wasn't planning to leave anyway."
"I'm glad. You're good to have around, Ianto."
Her computer made a tinny little blipping sound, and Tosh frowned, looking back.
"What's wrong?"
"I was compiling some code quickly - it found an error somewhere."
"What kind of programs do you write, anyway?" Ianto asked. Tosh found herself inordinately pleased that he knew the right jargon for her work. "I've been trying to imagine the internal maintenance the mainframe might need, but the only thing I can think you might be doing is debugging the system."
Tosh shook her head. "Whoever built our system was brilliant. It rarely needs debugging, anywhere. I write programs for a lot of little things - anything from automatic email deliveries to alien translation programs. Sometimes, I need to work with complex fourth-dimensional mathematics, which I can sometimes rope Jack in on - he knows more than he pretends about intertemporal functionality, and when I'm lucky I can get him to slip up and help me out."
Ianto seemed genuinely interested. "That doesn't surprise me," he said about Jack, but his mind was obviously on the rest of her answer. He looked at the computer screen, and she could see his eyes dancing across the punctuation thoughtfully. "There," he said. "It must have faulted on that extra semicolon."
With a few taps on her keyboard and a few muttered curses, Tosh altered the line. "Thanks, Ianto."
"Anytime. Actually, do you have any plans? Would you like to go out for lunch today, or something? We can ditch the lovebirds and tell them to order takeaway. I'd like to just talk with you for a while - not a date or anything."
"Just as - what, friends?" Tosh hoped she didn't sound too hopeful over the prospect.
Ianto smiled understandingly. Tosh thought she should have felt a bit insulted and a bit worried that he could see through her, but all she felt was a sense of something warm in her heart, something cheerful. "Friends," he agreed. "Want to come?"
"How will we ditch Jack?" Tosh asked.
"Oh, I can... distract him," Ianto answered, his face carefully blank. "I figure if I flash my arse his way, it'll keep him dazed long enough for us to slip out. I've had practice."
Tosh giggled conspiratorially, and Ianto broke into a genuine smile.