It's a Saga Now Dave
For those who are still following the never-ending saga between the ex-lodger and myself, there have been some major developments. He has, essentially, crushed me severely. We went for a drink after work on Tuesday, and after an awkward ten minutes that was spent with me babbling incoherently at him for half of that, and him looking concerned at me for the other half, he said "we really need to talk about this, don't we? Would it be easier if we talked?". I looked at him with abject horror, secretly feeling proud that he was brave enough to suggest we talk. I told him I was really embarrassed, and he said I shouldn't be: it was nothing to be embarrassed about. He wants us to get through this and move back to how we were. His exact words were "I want to be able to hang out with you again, and talk to you again - I've missed you so much". I don't know if we can. I asked him if he understood some of the arguments now he has the benefit of seeing it all in context, and he didn't understand what I meant. He also suggested we "forget the stupid thing you said", which I told him was insulting and patronising - how dare he trivialise my feelings for him?
Anyway, we left it with things being a little easier, despite the fact he said he wants to be able to talk to me about girls. I told him I liked being the person he talked to about things like that, but it might take me a little while to get used to it again. He has made an effort the last couple of days - after he told me he missed me he said it had been really hard at work without me to talk to, so he has made the effort to spend lunch with me, and at least an hour chatting yesterday and today. I want to spend some of the weekend with him, but I have already said to him I'm scared everytime I suggest we do something, or go for dinner, or go for drinks, he'll think "shit, Liz is thinking we're on a date". Fuck him, they were like dates. He is a mental if he thinks they were normal situations. But I would love to have that back, I loved our friendship so much. He is my best friend, and I miss him.
And to end this chapter, and to allow me to start the next, a timeline of the ex-lodger and I:
June 2006: The ex-lodger and the Clog meet. She thinks him to be arrogant and up himself. He later tells the Clog he wasn't sure if she was worth the effort, but decided to see if she was - he was glad to find she was.
July 2006: The Clog and the ex-lodger attend a pub quiz, and spend the night getting more and more drunk. The ex-lodger holds her hand for the first time, but tells her she is stupid for liking Harry Potter. She tells him to get to fuck, and he walks/stumbles her back to her house.
August 2006: The ex-lodger and the Clog meet up a few times outside of work. The summer is a sunny one, and the Dorset becomes a regular haunt, clearly not for the quality of their iced coffee, for it is shit. The ex-lodger listens to the Clog tell him about her poorly grandad, and he tells her about his ex-girlfriend for the first time.
September 2006: They start hanging out more at work. It is rare that they are apart at breaktimes, and start going for drinks together after work. The first rumour they are sleeping together begins, something which is clearly ridiculous as the Clog didn't even decide she liked the ex-lodger until mid-September. He asks her, "have you ever been in love?".
October 2006: The Clog sleeps at the ex-lodger's flat for the first time. He holds her hand whilst walking back. They spend every day together for more than a month. They argue, he bites her on the neck, she meets his best friends, he gets exceedingly pissed, falls over, she goes to his to stay the night and whilst making them toast, he kisses her in his kitchen. Nothing about this event is ever mentioned by either party again.
November 2006: A close colleague leaves the company the two work for. This pushes them closer together, to the point that they exclude all other workmates. They spend every day together, and he becomes the part time lodger. It is rare for them not to be together, and the Clog's sofa begins to have a part time lodger bum-shape permanently molded on it.
December 2006: They have their first proper fight, after he impressed her so much with cheesecake and DVDs purely because she had the house to herself. He leaves her on New Year's Eve after making plans with her, so he can spend the night with his ex-girlfriend. The Clog wonders if she has made a terrible mistake.
January 2007: The second whirl of rumours concerning whether or not they are sleeping together comes to light. They most definitely aren't - in fact they are barely speaking. They see each other less, the part time lodger becomes the ex-lodger, and the Clog wonders where she went wrong.
February 2007: The Clog's brother's birthday party. A bizarre night, ending with the ex-lodger massaging the Clog's head before screaming at her to get out of his flat. Also the beginning of the fight between the ex-lodger's housemate and the Clog.
March 2007: The beginning of the end. The ex-lodger's housemate tells the Clog that she is vindictive and malicious. The Clog blames the ex-lodger, and he cries when he tells her he doesn't know how to fix this. It is never resolved.
April 2007: The truth will out. The ex-lodger spends the Clog's 21st birthday screaming at her that they are such good friends, biting her on her inner thigh at one point, and nuzzling her as if to kiss her. The fight is never resolved, leaving the Clog in a pickle - to tell or not to tell? She tells, he accuses her of only telling as it was a weapon to use against him, and the great split occurs.
Where to now? It is clear we miss each other, we have told each other we miss each other, but neither of us knows how to fix this. I am being on my best behaviour, despite the fact he admitted to avoiding me. He seems to have blossomed a social life since we stopped being attached at the hip, and he is leaving me behind. I need to stop him from going, I need to remind him I am here, but I need to do it without the need. We are such good friends.
Anyway, we left it with things being a little easier, despite the fact he said he wants to be able to talk to me about girls. I told him I liked being the person he talked to about things like that, but it might take me a little while to get used to it again. He has made an effort the last couple of days - after he told me he missed me he said it had been really hard at work without me to talk to, so he has made the effort to spend lunch with me, and at least an hour chatting yesterday and today. I want to spend some of the weekend with him, but I have already said to him I'm scared everytime I suggest we do something, or go for dinner, or go for drinks, he'll think "shit, Liz is thinking we're on a date". Fuck him, they were like dates. He is a mental if he thinks they were normal situations. But I would love to have that back, I loved our friendship so much. He is my best friend, and I miss him.
And to end this chapter, and to allow me to start the next, a timeline of the ex-lodger and I:
June 2006: The ex-lodger and the Clog meet. She thinks him to be arrogant and up himself. He later tells the Clog he wasn't sure if she was worth the effort, but decided to see if she was - he was glad to find she was.
July 2006: The Clog and the ex-lodger attend a pub quiz, and spend the night getting more and more drunk. The ex-lodger holds her hand for the first time, but tells her she is stupid for liking Harry Potter. She tells him to get to fuck, and he walks/stumbles her back to her house.
August 2006: The ex-lodger and the Clog meet up a few times outside of work. The summer is a sunny one, and the Dorset becomes a regular haunt, clearly not for the quality of their iced coffee, for it is shit. The ex-lodger listens to the Clog tell him about her poorly grandad, and he tells her about his ex-girlfriend for the first time.
September 2006: They start hanging out more at work. It is rare that they are apart at breaktimes, and start going for drinks together after work. The first rumour they are sleeping together begins, something which is clearly ridiculous as the Clog didn't even decide she liked the ex-lodger until mid-September. He asks her, "have you ever been in love?".
October 2006: The Clog sleeps at the ex-lodger's flat for the first time. He holds her hand whilst walking back. They spend every day together for more than a month. They argue, he bites her on the neck, she meets his best friends, he gets exceedingly pissed, falls over, she goes to his to stay the night and whilst making them toast, he kisses her in his kitchen. Nothing about this event is ever mentioned by either party again.
November 2006: A close colleague leaves the company the two work for. This pushes them closer together, to the point that they exclude all other workmates. They spend every day together, and he becomes the part time lodger. It is rare for them not to be together, and the Clog's sofa begins to have a part time lodger bum-shape permanently molded on it.
December 2006: They have their first proper fight, after he impressed her so much with cheesecake and DVDs purely because she had the house to herself. He leaves her on New Year's Eve after making plans with her, so he can spend the night with his ex-girlfriend. The Clog wonders if she has made a terrible mistake.
January 2007: The second whirl of rumours concerning whether or not they are sleeping together comes to light. They most definitely aren't - in fact they are barely speaking. They see each other less, the part time lodger becomes the ex-lodger, and the Clog wonders where she went wrong.
February 2007: The Clog's brother's birthday party. A bizarre night, ending with the ex-lodger massaging the Clog's head before screaming at her to get out of his flat. Also the beginning of the fight between the ex-lodger's housemate and the Clog.
March 2007: The beginning of the end. The ex-lodger's housemate tells the Clog that she is vindictive and malicious. The Clog blames the ex-lodger, and he cries when he tells her he doesn't know how to fix this. It is never resolved.
April 2007: The truth will out. The ex-lodger spends the Clog's 21st birthday screaming at her that they are such good friends, biting her on her inner thigh at one point, and nuzzling her as if to kiss her. The fight is never resolved, leaving the Clog in a pickle - to tell or not to tell? She tells, he accuses her of only telling as it was a weapon to use against him, and the great split occurs.
Where to now? It is clear we miss each other, we have told each other we miss each other, but neither of us knows how to fix this. I am being on my best behaviour, despite the fact he admitted to avoiding me. He seems to have blossomed a social life since we stopped being attached at the hip, and he is leaving me behind. I need to stop him from going, I need to remind him I am here, but I need to do it without the need. We are such good friends.