Violet Memories (HunHan OneShot)
Title: Violet Memories
Pairing: HunHan
Genre: Angst, college!au, drama, SADS EVERYWHERE
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character Death
Summary: Lu Han isn't the best at remembering things, but when he gets to know Sehun, memories become the thing he holds most dear.
a/n: weeping while i write. i never write hunhan, but this happened. so here, have some sads.
It's funny how we forget things.
It seems so simple. You have an experience and it's stored away in your memory bank, safe and sound forever.
Lu Han remembered the first time he met Sehun, at the plant nursery Sehun worked at over summers. Lu Han was an exchange student from Beijing at that time, studying abroad because, well, he could. His first summer in Seoul, he met Sehun at said plant nursery where his aunt apparently made him work to help pay for his upcoming school tuition. Lu Han wandered into the nursery, attracted by the color and vibrance of the foliage. He began wandering through the rows and rows of lilies, roses, violets, bluebonnets, etc. Taking in the gorgeous scent of the air around him. Getting lost in his existence at this very moment...
"Can I help you?"
A voice broke his journey. Lu Han turned to his right and saw something more beautiful than the flowers surrounding him.
"Ah!...Uhm....ugh,...no. I'm just, looking around."
"Oh, okay then." Sehun turned to begin walking away when Lu Han realized what was happening.
He was here to take chances, damnit! Explore the world! Meet new people! Cute, attractive people!
He couldn't let his first encounter slip away.
So he acted on instinct...
"Hey! Wait! Uhm...," Lu Han was scrambling, "Can I buy this plant?!" He grabbed the nearest pot to him and held it up toward Sehun.
Sehun smirked to himself and looked at Lu Han like he was crazy.
"You want violets?"
Lu Han finally noticed what he was holding. He bit back a sigh and forced himself to continue the conversation.
Okay, so this wasn't the ideal he'd had in mind for how his day would proceed, but, again, CHANCES! TAKING THEM WAS THE KEY TO HIS SUCCESS!
Or that's what he told himself when he stepped off the plane a couple days ago.
This was the first of these chances.
"Yeah....I do-"
"For your girlfriend?"
"NO!"
"Okay......"
"I mean-"
"Let me ring you up, before you stumble anymore."
".......Yeah, thanks." Lu Han hung his head and followed Sehun into the storefront, paid for the flowers, and began his long walk back to his apartment.
Upon trudging into his apartment he b-lined for the kitchen, putting the flower pot in the middle of the tiny, tattered table, sun glinting through the blinds of the window above the sink, hitting the purple petals just right. Lu Han sat down and sighed.
What the hell had he been thinking? Things couldn't have been any worse. This is not what he'd envisioned his first encounter with a cute Korean boy to be like. Not in the least.
Well, he couldn't change anything now, and since he had this plant, he might as well take care of it. He spent good money on it. He reached into the soil slightly, digging for the tiny little info care card that comes in plants so you don't totally fuck up everything within the first week of having the plant in your possession, but something was handwritten on it.
He plucked it from the soil and looked at closely...
"My name is Oh Sehun, and I'd like to see you again. Call me sometime. I'm usually free on Friday nights. No need to bring flowers."
Lu han read it again.....and again....and once more for posterity.
The memory of that nervousness and the grin that crept across his face once the meaning of the note sunk into his thick skull would stay with Lu Han for a long, long time.
He called him the next day, and they set up their first date for that Friday night, 5 days from their first meeting.
Sehun took Lu Han around the city, showing him some of the more touristy attractions simply because he hadn't seen them before, or really hadn't explored them as he should if he was going to live there for the next year. The lights, the buildings, the life in the city. Beijing had life in it, but this was different. Obviously there was less smog, so the lights were a little brighter, but there was something different about the people themselves and the life they held in them, exerting it at every chance they could.
Lu Han was becoming addicted.
"You awake in there? You didn't forget I'm here, right?" Sehun waved his free hand in front of Lu Han's face, his other hand being occupied by Lu Han's as they walked down the riverwalk, people laughing and carrying on around them. Lu Han shook his head and blinked a couple of times. He'd almost forgotten that Sehun was there...
Almost.
"Yeah!"
"So you forgot I was here?"
"No! Ahh...Sorry...uhm, it's just so...different here."
"You're kind of forgetful, aren't you?"
"......A little. My friends used to make fun of me for it all the time at home."
"I bet it's only when you're distracted. You're the kind of person who forgets what's happening when they're distracted by something they like, aren't you? Like a kid in a candy store."
"Kind of."
"Well, it's a good thing you like me, because then you can never forget me. Even if we go to a candy store."
"Yeah....Wait, how does that make sense?"
"It does. Just accept it."
"Okay. But really."
"What distracted you just now?"
"What?"
"What distracted you just now?"
"Honestly?"
"Honestly."
"Everyone seems so alive."
"What, is Beijing full of zombie aliens or something?"
"No, I just mean that there's a different........I don't know really, but I know I like it." Lu Han smiled and squeezed Sehun's hand a little.
Sehun blushed and smiled a little. Lu Han knew how to keep him in line. He'd learnt quickly. Smiles and cute gestures were key.
"That's nice." was all that Sehun could choke out in reply.
They walked a little more before coming to a stop on a bridge, leaning on the ledge, Lu Han's head rested on Sehun's shoulder, their fingers playing softly in their hands in front of them.
Lu Han wanted to remember this forever.
It was soon after this that they shared their first kiss.
It wasn't nearly as romantic though, unfortunately, but Lu Han still treasured the memory.
It was the night Lu Han first met all of Sehun's friends, and the first night he remembers Sehun feeling sick.
They walked into an apartment, an apartment filled with 10 other guys. It was almost like walking into one of those American teenager movies, where there's just loud music and a bunch or those red cups everywhere, and people spread out playing video games or pounding drinks because of various games they're playing.
Lu Han had seen a few, and as much as he'd enjoyed the party scene in Beijing, this was different. Somehow he didn't think this was totally a Korean tradition, to be honest, but the memory of that initial impression would stay with him for a long time.
Sehun had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving Lu Han in the room alone with these 10 other guys, totally consumed by their various activities. He decided to do his best, take those risks he'd talked about before he'd come to Seoul. He took a big breath, exhaled, and began striding toward the 3 guys playing video games.
"Yah! Yixing, can't you remember whose team you're on?! Come on! We can't let Jongdae keep catching up to us like that!" a, judging by the length of his limbs, particularly tall boy yelled at the somewhat shorter one sitting on the floor below him on the couch. The 3rd boy, presumably Jongdae, sat in a chair a little ways from the couch, shaking his controller as he pressed buttons like his life depended on it.
"I know I'm on your team! Shut up! Jongdae's just really good at this game..." the yixing kid didn't even turn around to retaliate, and a smile crept up on the Jongdae kid's face.
The game ended and Jongdae's smile went into full swing as he stood up and placed his controller on the chair.
"Well losers, it was nice playing with you tonight. I'll take my reward later in the form of you two taking 4 shots of my choosing in a row. So please, prepare yourselves as you see fit." Jongdae said snidely to the two still seated figures.
He then noticed Lu Han, turning directly toward him, continuing to smile.
"I suggest you stick around for the entertainment. Things are looking pretty interesting for tonight." Jongdae said pointedly to Lu Han, and then turned to leave.
Yixing and the tall boy turned in their seats to watch the encounter, and Lu Han only noticed when he turned back around toward the tv.
"Is he really that mean all the time?" Lu Han asked earnestly.
"Yes. I don't know why we keep him around. He's like a kitten, but Satan's kitten. Looks fluffy and cute on the outside, but truly belongs in the seventh circle of Hell." the tall boy said.
"There are more than 7 circles of Hell, Chanyeol." Yixing said, turning to look up at the tall- oh, Chanyeol, on the couch.
"Shut up. Those don't count. They're cold." Chanyeol said, leaping over the back of the couch and walking toward Lu Han.
"Why would they make circles of Hell cold? Isn't it already supposed to be colder in Heaven since it's further north?" Chanyeol said, stopping next to Lu Han and looking down at him before walking past him to the kitchen presumably for another drink.
By the time Lu Han had tried to process what ridiculousness had just graced his ears and turned around toward the tv again, the Yixing kid was standing in front of him, blank face, no emotion, just standing there waiting. Lu Han was surprised and he jumped a little.
"Hi, I'm Yixing. You're not from here either are you?" This Yixing kid spoke perfect Mandarin, and Lu Han immediately eased up.
"No. I'm from Beijing. I'm Lu Han."
"Nice to meet you, Lu Han. I've never seen you before. Why are you here?"
"That's a little blunt, isn't it?"
"Oh,"
"I'm here with Sehun. He said he wanted me to meet all of you finally."
"Oh! You're his boyfriend!"
"Uhm...yeah, I am."
"Cool. Here. Let's get you a drink. How long are you here?"
Their conversation continued into the kitchen, where Yixing introduced Lu Han to a couple of other friends of Sehun's, namely two guys named Wu Fan and Zitao, who were also exchange students from China. The four of them began talking, and though they bonded over their time abroad, there wasn't much else between the four. That's when Lu Han found himself hanging out with Yixing near the tv again, no one playing games any longer. The two of them became extremely close in that short hour....but Lu Han was worried about Sehun. He hadn't seen him for that entire hour, until...
"Hey. I missed you." Sehun said, jumping over the back of the couch and next to Lu Han, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in close. Yixing just smiled to himself.
"So, I finally got to meet your boyfriend. Think it took you long enough to bring him around? You know I'm from China too, or did you forget?" Yixing teased Sehun, punching his leg.
"Hey, he's the forgetful one. But really, I'm sorry. Been busy with things lately."
"Mhmmm, sure. Well, I think we're about to start playing more games, so you two should join us real soon, okay?"
"Sounds good, hyung." Sehun said with a small salute, lips pursed together in a smile. He was weirdly peppy tonight, and Lu Han thought something might be up. He leant back into Sehun's arm, looking up at his boyfriend, trying to see if anything was off. He was a bit paler than usual, which was something because Sehun was typically as pale as the moon.
"Hey, are you oka-" Lu Han was cut off by something.
A kiss.
Their first kiss.
Lu Han kissed Sehun back for a couple seconds before whoops and hollers from the other side of the room forced the two apart.
Lu Han pulled back and opened his eyes to see Sehun smiling, smiling that sincere smile of his that screamed bliss, if only silently.
"I'm perfect right now." Sehun said quietly.
Lu Han believed him.
Everything was perfect then, and for the rest of the night, as he and Sehun were then inseparable.
He didn't care about anything else.
He had forgotten the outside world, if only for that night.
The memory of that night, meeting Sehun's friends, and becoming friends with them himself, and their first kiss, was one of the more treasured memories Lu Han kept with him throughout the years.
He'd often replay it in his head when he was feeling down, disappointed, lost.
He just needed to remember that Sehun loved him and all would be fine.
The next year would be that which contained Lu Han's favorite memories.
The dates, to which Sehun would bring violets for Lu Han every single time.
Violets had become his favorite.
They lined his kitchen window in his shitty apartment.
The decision Lu Han made to stay in Korea after the year was up.
When he and Sehun moved in together, planting a violet bed on the rooftop garden of their apartment complex.
When he and Sehun would celebrate yearly anniversaries (5 years of anniversaries to be exact) with dinners out at nice restaurants, but then never forgetting to buy a new package of violet seeds to plant in the garden before they would go to the riverwalk and bridge where they had their first date.
When he and Sehun would go on weekend trips to the countryside in the RV they barely scrounged up enough money to rent. They came across fields on fields of violets, taking pictures to preserve the memories.
When he and Sehun would simply stay in town and do nothing on a Friday night but find a good movie online and drink strawberry milk bubble tea, snuggling, kissing, feeling more safe and content than they had ever felt in their entire lives.
Lu Han wasn't the best at remembering things, but he tried his best to do so during his time with Sehun, because truthfully, he had never had better memories to preserve in his entire life.
Then the memories became a bit darker.....
He remembered Sehun getting up in the middle of the night, running to the bathroom, retching up everything Lu Han had made for dinner that night.
And repeat the cycle........
He remembered Sehun doubled over in pain, tears in his eyes, barely able to vocalize his pain in his abdomen.
He remembered Sehun becoming so skinny because he couldn't keep any food down.
He remembered the doctor's visits, the tests, the news.
"Advanced stomach cancer."
"Unable to operate."
"8 months."
"Try to stay comfortable and enjoy yourself."
Lu Han remembered the tears, the nights awake because of how afraid he and Sehun both were.
He remembered their last trip to the countryside, Sehun barely able to stand, Lu Han having to carry Sehun on his back until they reached the middle of the field. Lu Han would place Sehun down on his feet and stand next to his boyfriend, his soulmate, his everything. Supporting him as best he could. As he had for their entire relationship.
Lu Han remembered Sehun smiling, weakly, but sincerely.
"I love you, Lu Han. Never forget that. Promise? Promise you'll never forget that, even after I'm gone."
"Sehun, I-"
"Promise."
"I promise."
They looked at each other once silence had settled in, sun beginning to set before them, holding hands in the middle of the field.
Sehun was happy.
Lu Han was happy.
Lu Han tried, concentrated, put forth all of his effort, to burn this memory into his mind.
He wouldn't let himself forget this moment, even if it killed him.
The next day, Sehun collapsed.
Lu Han remembered rushing to the hospital.
Lu Han remembered the look on Sehun's pale, sunken face.
Lu Han remembered Sehun's last "I love you."
Lu Han remembered their last kiss.
Lu Han remembered hearing the heart monitor flatline.
Lu Han remembered breaking down in Yixing's arms and feeling nothing but pain.
Though he knew his pain was nothing compared to that which Sehun had endured for so long. For years apparently. Even before he knew Lu Han.
He wondered if Sehun ever remembered a time when he wasn't in pain.
Then, Lu Han remembered nothing.
That was 30 years ago now.
He remembers now waking up, doctors around him, taking blood, performing tests, telling him he'd been in an almost fatal car crash after leaving the hospital.
Why he had been leaving the hospital was never told to him.
He was much older now though, so it couldn't have mattered all that much.
Lu Han likes to think he was reborn at 25, and that everything happened for a reason.
He particularly enjoys the friendly company of this man, Yixing, who says he knew him before his accident, and even though Lu Han might not always believe him, it helps that he speaks native Mandarin, saving Lu Han from trying to relearn a lot of the Korean he'd lost.
He doesn't really wish he could remember anything before the accident, as he's sure it would only cause him stress and anxiety, and no one in their 50s needs that.
The one thing that does bother Lu Han though is that every night, every single night, when he lies down to sleep, the first image that he sees is that of a sunset in front of him. He's standing in a field of violets, holding hands with a boy, somewhere around the age of 21 he would guess, and the boy is saying something...
"I love you, Lu Han. Never forget that. Promise? Promise you'll never forget that, even after I'm gone."
It comforts Lu Han.
As do the violets he keeps constantly in his room at the nursing home.
There's something about those violets...
Pairing: HunHan
Genre: Angst, college!au, drama, SADS EVERYWHERE
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character Death
Summary: Lu Han isn't the best at remembering things, but when he gets to know Sehun, memories become the thing he holds most dear.
a/n: weeping while i write. i never write hunhan, but this happened. so here, have some sads.
It's funny how we forget things.
It seems so simple. You have an experience and it's stored away in your memory bank, safe and sound forever.
Lu Han remembered the first time he met Sehun, at the plant nursery Sehun worked at over summers. Lu Han was an exchange student from Beijing at that time, studying abroad because, well, he could. His first summer in Seoul, he met Sehun at said plant nursery where his aunt apparently made him work to help pay for his upcoming school tuition. Lu Han wandered into the nursery, attracted by the color and vibrance of the foliage. He began wandering through the rows and rows of lilies, roses, violets, bluebonnets, etc. Taking in the gorgeous scent of the air around him. Getting lost in his existence at this very moment...
"Can I help you?"
A voice broke his journey. Lu Han turned to his right and saw something more beautiful than the flowers surrounding him.
"Ah!...Uhm....ugh,...no. I'm just, looking around."
"Oh, okay then." Sehun turned to begin walking away when Lu Han realized what was happening.
He was here to take chances, damnit! Explore the world! Meet new people! Cute, attractive people!
He couldn't let his first encounter slip away.
So he acted on instinct...
"Hey! Wait! Uhm...," Lu Han was scrambling, "Can I buy this plant?!" He grabbed the nearest pot to him and held it up toward Sehun.
Sehun smirked to himself and looked at Lu Han like he was crazy.
"You want violets?"
Lu Han finally noticed what he was holding. He bit back a sigh and forced himself to continue the conversation.
Okay, so this wasn't the ideal he'd had in mind for how his day would proceed, but, again, CHANCES! TAKING THEM WAS THE KEY TO HIS SUCCESS!
Or that's what he told himself when he stepped off the plane a couple days ago.
This was the first of these chances.
"Yeah....I do-"
"For your girlfriend?"
"NO!"
"Okay......"
"I mean-"
"Let me ring you up, before you stumble anymore."
".......Yeah, thanks." Lu Han hung his head and followed Sehun into the storefront, paid for the flowers, and began his long walk back to his apartment.
Upon trudging into his apartment he b-lined for the kitchen, putting the flower pot in the middle of the tiny, tattered table, sun glinting through the blinds of the window above the sink, hitting the purple petals just right. Lu Han sat down and sighed.
What the hell had he been thinking? Things couldn't have been any worse. This is not what he'd envisioned his first encounter with a cute Korean boy to be like. Not in the least.
Well, he couldn't change anything now, and since he had this plant, he might as well take care of it. He spent good money on it. He reached into the soil slightly, digging for the tiny little info care card that comes in plants so you don't totally fuck up everything within the first week of having the plant in your possession, but something was handwritten on it.
He plucked it from the soil and looked at closely...
"My name is Oh Sehun, and I'd like to see you again. Call me sometime. I'm usually free on Friday nights. No need to bring flowers."
Lu han read it again.....and again....and once more for posterity.
The memory of that nervousness and the grin that crept across his face once the meaning of the note sunk into his thick skull would stay with Lu Han for a long, long time.
He called him the next day, and they set up their first date for that Friday night, 5 days from their first meeting.
Sehun took Lu Han around the city, showing him some of the more touristy attractions simply because he hadn't seen them before, or really hadn't explored them as he should if he was going to live there for the next year. The lights, the buildings, the life in the city. Beijing had life in it, but this was different. Obviously there was less smog, so the lights were a little brighter, but there was something different about the people themselves and the life they held in them, exerting it at every chance they could.
Lu Han was becoming addicted.
"You awake in there? You didn't forget I'm here, right?" Sehun waved his free hand in front of Lu Han's face, his other hand being occupied by Lu Han's as they walked down the riverwalk, people laughing and carrying on around them. Lu Han shook his head and blinked a couple of times. He'd almost forgotten that Sehun was there...
Almost.
"Yeah!"
"So you forgot I was here?"
"No! Ahh...Sorry...uhm, it's just so...different here."
"You're kind of forgetful, aren't you?"
"......A little. My friends used to make fun of me for it all the time at home."
"I bet it's only when you're distracted. You're the kind of person who forgets what's happening when they're distracted by something they like, aren't you? Like a kid in a candy store."
"Kind of."
"Well, it's a good thing you like me, because then you can never forget me. Even if we go to a candy store."
"Yeah....Wait, how does that make sense?"
"It does. Just accept it."
"Okay. But really."
"What distracted you just now?"
"What?"
"What distracted you just now?"
"Honestly?"
"Honestly."
"Everyone seems so alive."
"What, is Beijing full of zombie aliens or something?"
"No, I just mean that there's a different........I don't know really, but I know I like it." Lu Han smiled and squeezed Sehun's hand a little.
Sehun blushed and smiled a little. Lu Han knew how to keep him in line. He'd learnt quickly. Smiles and cute gestures were key.
"That's nice." was all that Sehun could choke out in reply.
They walked a little more before coming to a stop on a bridge, leaning on the ledge, Lu Han's head rested on Sehun's shoulder, their fingers playing softly in their hands in front of them.
Lu Han wanted to remember this forever.
It was soon after this that they shared their first kiss.
It wasn't nearly as romantic though, unfortunately, but Lu Han still treasured the memory.
It was the night Lu Han first met all of Sehun's friends, and the first night he remembers Sehun feeling sick.
They walked into an apartment, an apartment filled with 10 other guys. It was almost like walking into one of those American teenager movies, where there's just loud music and a bunch or those red cups everywhere, and people spread out playing video games or pounding drinks because of various games they're playing.
Lu Han had seen a few, and as much as he'd enjoyed the party scene in Beijing, this was different. Somehow he didn't think this was totally a Korean tradition, to be honest, but the memory of that initial impression would stay with him for a long time.
Sehun had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving Lu Han in the room alone with these 10 other guys, totally consumed by their various activities. He decided to do his best, take those risks he'd talked about before he'd come to Seoul. He took a big breath, exhaled, and began striding toward the 3 guys playing video games.
"Yah! Yixing, can't you remember whose team you're on?! Come on! We can't let Jongdae keep catching up to us like that!" a, judging by the length of his limbs, particularly tall boy yelled at the somewhat shorter one sitting on the floor below him on the couch. The 3rd boy, presumably Jongdae, sat in a chair a little ways from the couch, shaking his controller as he pressed buttons like his life depended on it.
"I know I'm on your team! Shut up! Jongdae's just really good at this game..." the yixing kid didn't even turn around to retaliate, and a smile crept up on the Jongdae kid's face.
The game ended and Jongdae's smile went into full swing as he stood up and placed his controller on the chair.
"Well losers, it was nice playing with you tonight. I'll take my reward later in the form of you two taking 4 shots of my choosing in a row. So please, prepare yourselves as you see fit." Jongdae said snidely to the two still seated figures.
He then noticed Lu Han, turning directly toward him, continuing to smile.
"I suggest you stick around for the entertainment. Things are looking pretty interesting for tonight." Jongdae said pointedly to Lu Han, and then turned to leave.
Yixing and the tall boy turned in their seats to watch the encounter, and Lu Han only noticed when he turned back around toward the tv.
"Is he really that mean all the time?" Lu Han asked earnestly.
"Yes. I don't know why we keep him around. He's like a kitten, but Satan's kitten. Looks fluffy and cute on the outside, but truly belongs in the seventh circle of Hell." the tall boy said.
"There are more than 7 circles of Hell, Chanyeol." Yixing said, turning to look up at the tall- oh, Chanyeol, on the couch.
"Shut up. Those don't count. They're cold." Chanyeol said, leaping over the back of the couch and walking toward Lu Han.
"Why would they make circles of Hell cold? Isn't it already supposed to be colder in Heaven since it's further north?" Chanyeol said, stopping next to Lu Han and looking down at him before walking past him to the kitchen presumably for another drink.
By the time Lu Han had tried to process what ridiculousness had just graced his ears and turned around toward the tv again, the Yixing kid was standing in front of him, blank face, no emotion, just standing there waiting. Lu Han was surprised and he jumped a little.
"Hi, I'm Yixing. You're not from here either are you?" This Yixing kid spoke perfect Mandarin, and Lu Han immediately eased up.
"No. I'm from Beijing. I'm Lu Han."
"Nice to meet you, Lu Han. I've never seen you before. Why are you here?"
"That's a little blunt, isn't it?"
"Oh,"
"I'm here with Sehun. He said he wanted me to meet all of you finally."
"Oh! You're his boyfriend!"
"Uhm...yeah, I am."
"Cool. Here. Let's get you a drink. How long are you here?"
Their conversation continued into the kitchen, where Yixing introduced Lu Han to a couple of other friends of Sehun's, namely two guys named Wu Fan and Zitao, who were also exchange students from China. The four of them began talking, and though they bonded over their time abroad, there wasn't much else between the four. That's when Lu Han found himself hanging out with Yixing near the tv again, no one playing games any longer. The two of them became extremely close in that short hour....but Lu Han was worried about Sehun. He hadn't seen him for that entire hour, until...
"Hey. I missed you." Sehun said, jumping over the back of the couch and next to Lu Han, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in close. Yixing just smiled to himself.
"So, I finally got to meet your boyfriend. Think it took you long enough to bring him around? You know I'm from China too, or did you forget?" Yixing teased Sehun, punching his leg.
"Hey, he's the forgetful one. But really, I'm sorry. Been busy with things lately."
"Mhmmm, sure. Well, I think we're about to start playing more games, so you two should join us real soon, okay?"
"Sounds good, hyung." Sehun said with a small salute, lips pursed together in a smile. He was weirdly peppy tonight, and Lu Han thought something might be up. He leant back into Sehun's arm, looking up at his boyfriend, trying to see if anything was off. He was a bit paler than usual, which was something because Sehun was typically as pale as the moon.
"Hey, are you oka-" Lu Han was cut off by something.
A kiss.
Their first kiss.
Lu Han kissed Sehun back for a couple seconds before whoops and hollers from the other side of the room forced the two apart.
Lu Han pulled back and opened his eyes to see Sehun smiling, smiling that sincere smile of his that screamed bliss, if only silently.
"I'm perfect right now." Sehun said quietly.
Lu Han believed him.
Everything was perfect then, and for the rest of the night, as he and Sehun were then inseparable.
He didn't care about anything else.
He had forgotten the outside world, if only for that night.
The memory of that night, meeting Sehun's friends, and becoming friends with them himself, and their first kiss, was one of the more treasured memories Lu Han kept with him throughout the years.
He'd often replay it in his head when he was feeling down, disappointed, lost.
He just needed to remember that Sehun loved him and all would be fine.
The next year would be that which contained Lu Han's favorite memories.
The dates, to which Sehun would bring violets for Lu Han every single time.
Violets had become his favorite.
They lined his kitchen window in his shitty apartment.
The decision Lu Han made to stay in Korea after the year was up.
When he and Sehun moved in together, planting a violet bed on the rooftop garden of their apartment complex.
When he and Sehun would celebrate yearly anniversaries (5 years of anniversaries to be exact) with dinners out at nice restaurants, but then never forgetting to buy a new package of violet seeds to plant in the garden before they would go to the riverwalk and bridge where they had their first date.
When he and Sehun would go on weekend trips to the countryside in the RV they barely scrounged up enough money to rent. They came across fields on fields of violets, taking pictures to preserve the memories.
When he and Sehun would simply stay in town and do nothing on a Friday night but find a good movie online and drink strawberry milk bubble tea, snuggling, kissing, feeling more safe and content than they had ever felt in their entire lives.
Lu Han wasn't the best at remembering things, but he tried his best to do so during his time with Sehun, because truthfully, he had never had better memories to preserve in his entire life.
Then the memories became a bit darker.....
He remembered Sehun getting up in the middle of the night, running to the bathroom, retching up everything Lu Han had made for dinner that night.
And repeat the cycle........
He remembered Sehun doubled over in pain, tears in his eyes, barely able to vocalize his pain in his abdomen.
He remembered Sehun becoming so skinny because he couldn't keep any food down.
He remembered the doctor's visits, the tests, the news.
"Advanced stomach cancer."
"Unable to operate."
"8 months."
"Try to stay comfortable and enjoy yourself."
Lu Han remembered the tears, the nights awake because of how afraid he and Sehun both were.
He remembered their last trip to the countryside, Sehun barely able to stand, Lu Han having to carry Sehun on his back until they reached the middle of the field. Lu Han would place Sehun down on his feet and stand next to his boyfriend, his soulmate, his everything. Supporting him as best he could. As he had for their entire relationship.
Lu Han remembered Sehun smiling, weakly, but sincerely.
"I love you, Lu Han. Never forget that. Promise? Promise you'll never forget that, even after I'm gone."
"Sehun, I-"
"Promise."
"I promise."
They looked at each other once silence had settled in, sun beginning to set before them, holding hands in the middle of the field.
Sehun was happy.
Lu Han was happy.
Lu Han tried, concentrated, put forth all of his effort, to burn this memory into his mind.
He wouldn't let himself forget this moment, even if it killed him.
The next day, Sehun collapsed.
Lu Han remembered rushing to the hospital.
Lu Han remembered the look on Sehun's pale, sunken face.
Lu Han remembered Sehun's last "I love you."
Lu Han remembered their last kiss.
Lu Han remembered hearing the heart monitor flatline.
Lu Han remembered breaking down in Yixing's arms and feeling nothing but pain.
Though he knew his pain was nothing compared to that which Sehun had endured for so long. For years apparently. Even before he knew Lu Han.
He wondered if Sehun ever remembered a time when he wasn't in pain.
Then, Lu Han remembered nothing.
That was 30 years ago now.
He remembers now waking up, doctors around him, taking blood, performing tests, telling him he'd been in an almost fatal car crash after leaving the hospital.
Why he had been leaving the hospital was never told to him.
He was much older now though, so it couldn't have mattered all that much.
Lu Han likes to think he was reborn at 25, and that everything happened for a reason.
He particularly enjoys the friendly company of this man, Yixing, who says he knew him before his accident, and even though Lu Han might not always believe him, it helps that he speaks native Mandarin, saving Lu Han from trying to relearn a lot of the Korean he'd lost.
He doesn't really wish he could remember anything before the accident, as he's sure it would only cause him stress and anxiety, and no one in their 50s needs that.
The one thing that does bother Lu Han though is that every night, every single night, when he lies down to sleep, the first image that he sees is that of a sunset in front of him. He's standing in a field of violets, holding hands with a boy, somewhere around the age of 21 he would guess, and the boy is saying something...
"I love you, Lu Han. Never forget that. Promise? Promise you'll never forget that, even after I'm gone."
It comforts Lu Han.
As do the violets he keeps constantly in his room at the nursing home.
There's something about those violets...