Apologizing in advance for the extended metaphor and the whining
Right now I'm in a strange place in my life... a bizarre moment of transition. This doesn't feel like good transition, either. I love those times of life that are like riding on a bus on Tour, when you're in between but you know you're going somewhere, and so for the time being you can kick back, relax, and fall asleep to your headphones.
This transition is like when you're getting off a plane, and you're standing and awkwardly half-holding one bag, and the other one is sort of crooked through your elbow, but you'll still have to pick it up once the line starts to move. And you're possibly leaning on some strange person, and it's crowded and hot, and you feel bad for being in someone else's way and you're half mad at someone else for being in your way. And all you want is to get off the freaking plane already.
To put it in prose, half of my friends have left for college already. The other half are still in awkward-goodbye phase, where you feel like you should be hanging out with them because you'll miss them so much, but you're so tired of goodbye that you almost wish everyone would just leave so you could be done with it. (Sadly, I know that when I go, there will be no festivities or anything, and probably barely anyone to even say goodbye.) It's lonely, as well.
In addition, I've been working so much lately that I'm very tired. It's a wearying job - I can't imagine how tired one must be after doing physical labor for some period of time like 20 or 30 years. While I know I'm earning money and I'm going to be glad I did all of that, I can't help but wish I could just slack off for the rest of the summer. My days are long and the hours are bad, and I miss out on so much that's going on with everyone else. I never have time, because even if I'm not at work, a) tiredness and b) laundry are work-related factors that also take my time.
I'm also growing frustrated that as I come to know my job better and to be able to do it more effectively, I'm also taking more personal responsibility for the parts of the store of which I'm entrusted care. It's hardly surprising - I'm the type of person who inevitiably takes personal responsibility for things; I rarely do anything halfway - but it irritates me to see so many of my colleagues behave in a manner indicative of their own laziness or lack of motivation. I also dislike how there's little reward for working hard; I'm going to work hard regardless of whether or not a manager is watching or something of that nature. It's who I am and it's also something I believe in doing as a Christian. I just wish that it mattered at least somewhat - not just that I get paid the same, but that I get treated the same by management.
Finally, my brain is rotting. Seriously. I've read only one book all summer (Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, a seriously excellent book). That's ridiculous. I've thought of so many things, but I don't know how to go about teaching myself, and so I've just sort of shoved my ideas to the back of my mind and wished Dodson was around to tell me how to graph a straight line in polar mode. I need intellectual stimulation, and the time to pursue it.
I've run out of things to say... tiredness from an 8-hour shift will do that... but the gist of everything is that I want to get off the plane and get out of the airport.
This transition is like when you're getting off a plane, and you're standing and awkwardly half-holding one bag, and the other one is sort of crooked through your elbow, but you'll still have to pick it up once the line starts to move. And you're possibly leaning on some strange person, and it's crowded and hot, and you feel bad for being in someone else's way and you're half mad at someone else for being in your way. And all you want is to get off the freaking plane already.
To put it in prose, half of my friends have left for college already. The other half are still in awkward-goodbye phase, where you feel like you should be hanging out with them because you'll miss them so much, but you're so tired of goodbye that you almost wish everyone would just leave so you could be done with it. (Sadly, I know that when I go, there will be no festivities or anything, and probably barely anyone to even say goodbye.) It's lonely, as well.
In addition, I've been working so much lately that I'm very tired. It's a wearying job - I can't imagine how tired one must be after doing physical labor for some period of time like 20 or 30 years. While I know I'm earning money and I'm going to be glad I did all of that, I can't help but wish I could just slack off for the rest of the summer. My days are long and the hours are bad, and I miss out on so much that's going on with everyone else. I never have time, because even if I'm not at work, a) tiredness and b) laundry are work-related factors that also take my time.
I'm also growing frustrated that as I come to know my job better and to be able to do it more effectively, I'm also taking more personal responsibility for the parts of the store of which I'm entrusted care. It's hardly surprising - I'm the type of person who inevitiably takes personal responsibility for things; I rarely do anything halfway - but it irritates me to see so many of my colleagues behave in a manner indicative of their own laziness or lack of motivation. I also dislike how there's little reward for working hard; I'm going to work hard regardless of whether or not a manager is watching or something of that nature. It's who I am and it's also something I believe in doing as a Christian. I just wish that it mattered at least somewhat - not just that I get paid the same, but that I get treated the same by management.
Finally, my brain is rotting. Seriously. I've read only one book all summer (Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, a seriously excellent book). That's ridiculous. I've thought of so many things, but I don't know how to go about teaching myself, and so I've just sort of shoved my ideas to the back of my mind and wished Dodson was around to tell me how to graph a straight line in polar mode. I need intellectual stimulation, and the time to pursue it.
I've run out of things to say... tiredness from an 8-hour shift will do that... but the gist of everything is that I want to get off the plane and get out of the airport.