Whee... [Sorry about this being so long..]
College can be be a royal pain sometimes. I mean, I miss back when I didn't have to do fifty thousand reading exerpts, do thirty million papers, projects, and observations... there's just SO MUCH SHIT to do. I finally catch up and then.. SUPRISE! Three more small papers, two major papers and three projects are due within a 2 week period from that day. Crazy. Kind of a good thing that I get this weekend to myself. I'm going to get EVERYTHING up to day in all my clases so I can just do what I have to work on... so I can focus on the even bigger shit coming up around finals time.
And then there's summer. And Jobs. Yay, jobs. The pain in the ass with that is the fact that I can't be at two places at one time. A few of the really good jobs I could get I need in-person interviews for.. and I can't do 'em cause I'm up here. Joy. I'll do SOMETHING... even if it kills me. I need the money.
Poor Josh is sick. He either has this really bad virus or the Flu. Who knows. Yelled at him this morning for being stubborn. Felt bad, but I talked to him about it... espeically since I'm stubborn as well and that's just exactally what I'd need. He agreed. I just want him to get better.. cause being sick sucks ass. lol
Speaking of Josh, this is the first year, I think, that I won't be spending with my family. It's really weird. I mean.. I used to get an "Easter Dress" for church.. go there, dye eggs (and when I was really little, we brought them to church for bunny candybars because we were giving our eggs to Jesus. lol) at my Grandparents and get little bunnies from them, and then go to my other Grandparents and have dinner with them and my Great Grandmother and we'd have perogi, kielbasa, and babka. And then get more little bunnies from them. (lol) And then I'd get to be the Easter bunny or I'd wait for him, depending on my age. But now.. I'm in NH for Easter. I made sure I bought stuff from Thompsons for everyone up here.. it's like a tradition for me. My Grandfather and my Great Grandmother are both gone. [Which I still am not really over yet.] I won't be home. I don't even know if I'm going to church at all.. and if I do, it will most likely be Cathloic, since I'll be with Josh and his family. If we even go. I mean, it'll be neat to go and see his family for an Easter.. but it's just so weird for me.
I know when we get to High School, we realise that our lives will change and it scares us. And some aren't scared. We burst into the future full of our past and our total excitement over becoming independant and adults. But we don't always seem to realise that there will be a cost, or changes, in our futures. Even false things are compelled. Even if you stay or go for College makes a difference. I love school.. but I love home too. Both are totally awesome in their own ways. I remember when I first found out that my Great Grandmother died.. I blamed it on me going away. I know that's totally retarted and makes no sence... but, in my own child-like little mind was the idea that Lizzie living at home = Things were OK. and when that idea was altered.. so did the things that I held close to me. But she had an awesome life. And was totally awesome. And, in a strange way of putting it, she helped me through my grandfather's death as well. I mean, I've sang at a funeral before.. but it was in a choir loft, away from people. And I didn't know them. But this time was the biggest challenge I've most likely faced since the whole ordeal with the police and my past. Knowing someone makes things harder.. and trying to not thing about it as much is even more difficult if they are two feet away in an open casket.
I cried. I admit it. And I was fucking proud of myself for getting through that song. I just had to do it. It was what I regretted not being able to do for Nana's funeral. Singing use to be one of my greatest gifts, and to me, what better way is there than giving something to someone that means so much.
Things in life change. I've know that and I'll always know that. It's just.. hard. Especially when we've been programmed to something or someone for so long.. one twist seems to throw off the entire balance. But I'll get use to it.
It'll just take awhile.
<3,
Lizzie
And then there's summer. And Jobs. Yay, jobs. The pain in the ass with that is the fact that I can't be at two places at one time. A few of the really good jobs I could get I need in-person interviews for.. and I can't do 'em cause I'm up here. Joy. I'll do SOMETHING... even if it kills me. I need the money.
Poor Josh is sick. He either has this really bad virus or the Flu. Who knows. Yelled at him this morning for being stubborn. Felt bad, but I talked to him about it... espeically since I'm stubborn as well and that's just exactally what I'd need. He agreed. I just want him to get better.. cause being sick sucks ass. lol
Speaking of Josh, this is the first year, I think, that I won't be spending with my family. It's really weird. I mean.. I used to get an "Easter Dress" for church.. go there, dye eggs (and when I was really little, we brought them to church for bunny candybars because we were giving our eggs to Jesus. lol) at my Grandparents and get little bunnies from them, and then go to my other Grandparents and have dinner with them and my Great Grandmother and we'd have perogi, kielbasa, and babka. And then get more little bunnies from them. (lol) And then I'd get to be the Easter bunny or I'd wait for him, depending on my age. But now.. I'm in NH for Easter. I made sure I bought stuff from Thompsons for everyone up here.. it's like a tradition for me. My Grandfather and my Great Grandmother are both gone. [Which I still am not really over yet.] I won't be home. I don't even know if I'm going to church at all.. and if I do, it will most likely be Cathloic, since I'll be with Josh and his family. If we even go. I mean, it'll be neat to go and see his family for an Easter.. but it's just so weird for me.
I know when we get to High School, we realise that our lives will change and it scares us. And some aren't scared. We burst into the future full of our past and our total excitement over becoming independant and adults. But we don't always seem to realise that there will be a cost, or changes, in our futures. Even false things are compelled. Even if you stay or go for College makes a difference. I love school.. but I love home too. Both are totally awesome in their own ways. I remember when I first found out that my Great Grandmother died.. I blamed it on me going away. I know that's totally retarted and makes no sence... but, in my own child-like little mind was the idea that Lizzie living at home = Things were OK. and when that idea was altered.. so did the things that I held close to me. But she had an awesome life. And was totally awesome. And, in a strange way of putting it, she helped me through my grandfather's death as well. I mean, I've sang at a funeral before.. but it was in a choir loft, away from people. And I didn't know them. But this time was the biggest challenge I've most likely faced since the whole ordeal with the police and my past. Knowing someone makes things harder.. and trying to not thing about it as much is even more difficult if they are two feet away in an open casket.
I cried. I admit it. And I was fucking proud of myself for getting through that song. I just had to do it. It was what I regretted not being able to do for Nana's funeral. Singing use to be one of my greatest gifts, and to me, what better way is there than giving something to someone that means so much.
Things in life change. I've know that and I'll always know that. It's just.. hard. Especially when we've been programmed to something or someone for so long.. one twist seems to throw off the entire balance. But I'll get use to it.
It'll just take awhile.
<3,
Lizzie