Aesthetic harmonies coloring your imagination...
Today I re-read all my old lj entries... I must say this was pretty f'n amusing. I enjoy re-reading and realizing how much of a dramatic little "C You Next Tuesday" Ive been throughout... hmm... Id say pretty much my whole life! Yep!
No more analyzing...
"When was the last time I analyzed?", you ask?
I dont even remember. So apparently this happiness has been going on for a little while. I have so say breaking my "pattern" of hiding feelings wasnt any good. Telling Mark all that fuckin shit was the best thing I ever did... Thats mearly the START on Project: Psychological Makeover
I re-read one particular entry of all these "Questions" I answered about myself, you know one of those gay surveys that you do when you are so bored that doing one of those 30 minute long surveys actually not only seems like something worthwhile, but you actually SEEK it out? And anyway all of the answers were so dramatic and I was so miserable... But the miserable-ness had been going on steadily since the 9th grade... Anyways in the ridiculous survey it said I wish I could be.... and my answer was "happy like I used to be" or something and it's so fucking sad that Ive been so fucking sad.
I am not sad though anymore. I have not one god damn thing to be sad about in like 5 years which is honestly the most gratifying feeling in the world. Or maybr its that Im old enough/karmically crazy enough to realize that life is way to fucking short to be a negitive energy ball... I want to be a positive ball!!!
Chris and I hung out yesterday and he stopped me to comment on this new "positive" leaf in life. Its shocking because until today when I "reflected" on the journal I hadnt realized how negitive I have been for so long. Which now seems like "me" when in fact I used to be so bubbly and positive and meak and timid.
"Thats hard to imagine"... I know thats what you just said to yourself... but its true.
Anyway... Another ranting session comes to an end...
I just want to say thank you to anyone who had to put up with my 5 years of being a negitive-energy-waste-of-space person... You will no longer have to deal with that person, it is merely a blip on an otherwise uniterrupted upward trajectory.
in other words.... the bitch has left the building...
No more analyzing...
"When was the last time I analyzed?", you ask?
I dont even remember. So apparently this happiness has been going on for a little while. I have so say breaking my "pattern" of hiding feelings wasnt any good. Telling Mark all that fuckin shit was the best thing I ever did... Thats mearly the START on Project: Psychological Makeover
I re-read one particular entry of all these "Questions" I answered about myself, you know one of those gay surveys that you do when you are so bored that doing one of those 30 minute long surveys actually not only seems like something worthwhile, but you actually SEEK it out? And anyway all of the answers were so dramatic and I was so miserable... But the miserable-ness had been going on steadily since the 9th grade... Anyways in the ridiculous survey it said I wish I could be.... and my answer was "happy like I used to be" or something and it's so fucking sad that Ive been so fucking sad.
I am not sad though anymore. I have not one god damn thing to be sad about in like 5 years which is honestly the most gratifying feeling in the world. Or maybr its that Im old enough/karmically crazy enough to realize that life is way to fucking short to be a negitive energy ball... I want to be a positive ball!!!
Chris and I hung out yesterday and he stopped me to comment on this new "positive" leaf in life. Its shocking because until today when I "reflected" on the journal I hadnt realized how negitive I have been for so long. Which now seems like "me" when in fact I used to be so bubbly and positive and meak and timid.
"Thats hard to imagine"... I know thats what you just said to yourself... but its true.
Anyway... Another ranting session comes to an end...
I just want to say thank you to anyone who had to put up with my 5 years of being a negitive-energy-waste-of-space person... You will no longer have to deal with that person, it is merely a blip on an otherwise uniterrupted upward trajectory.
in other words.... the bitch has left the building...