LASIK! the report. single living style
well, it's been just over 24 hours since the big LASIK job. and it was absolutely amazing. not amazing woot! amazing, but amazing in the discovery channel -wow, humans have sure invented some incredible shit- amazing.
i prepped my house by designating clear paths to the bathroom and the kitchen. ok, so my house is designed where it's a straight line from front to back, but still, i had to literally clear a path. i did 99% of the laundry that was in piles and piles all over the house, you'd think i was the sorting room for buffalo exchange or something. but now that my baby, my fisher-paykel washing machine works again (it wasn't really broke, but had to be rebalanced, meaning adjusting the screw-on feet on the bottom of it, and by adjusting, meaning calling a repairman to come out, find out that is all it needed, and then charging me 130$ for balancing it- thats solo girl living style right there) i was all about some laundry. i found shit i totally forgot that i had (and loved) due to it being hidden in a pile of other black clothing.
another reason i did so much landry was b/c my friend was bringing me home after the LASIK and i didn't want to not-see her reaction of horror and disgust at my style of living out of piles. soooo-since i'm solo living, these are the things i have to think about:
house-reasonable for outside eyes - check
laundry - wow! i have some cute ass clothes! - check
path to bathroom - check
pjs laid out on bed - check
medicinal eye drops and sleeping pills (woot!) by bed - check.
protein shake in prominent easy-reach place in fridge in case i wake up hungries - check
hoping pixel won't have an accident somewhere on said cleared path - hoping
i set all my commands on my cell phone to voice, so that i can hear all the menus and contacts in case i have to call someone. no. i don't know anyone's phone number by heart, and i couldn't dial it anyway, i get confused between the number pad on the computer and the phone pad even when i'm looking. i put my closest friends number on the #5 speed dial b/c it has the tiney-iest of extra bumps on it.
i look at some favorite pictures, in case the worst happens. then at least i will have some good images as my "last seen" and yes i made sure i looked good in my "last seen" at least i could leave the sighted world with a good self-image of myself.
we hit the doc's office, and they give me my valium (woot!) and do the routine pre-exams. and right before i go in, The 'Kick txts me! he has been out in the field for the last 3 days and i have had none contact with him, so for me to hear from him is awesome. the universe is sometimes kind, indeed. i txt him back to quickly send me a pic of him so that he's the last thing i see before i go under and possibly go blind.
valium kicks in. time to hit the laser. they tape your eye open, drop in anesthesia, put some ring over your eye and you hear them say "suction" and you feel pressure around your eyesocket. then he says that my vision will go black,and to tell him when that happens. this is probably where people freak out b/c you hope to gods that your vision does come back. when it does, you look at the blinking lights and you hear the tech count the seconds it takes to mess around in there. 42 for the first eye. then you see the doc paint your eye with some tools, flush your eye out, which is refreshing, and pat around. thats it. after the pressure of the eyering guard thing...nothing. and super quick. wait a few minutes then the same for the left eye. but i think that the numbing agents have worn off a bit b.c i can feel more of what is going on. but it was going so fast i had no time to say anything. i felt the suction, then after the lights went out i totally FELT THEM CUTTING MY EYE FLAP. not felt as in, call 20/20 and do an expose on being awake during surgery, but i just felt what was happening at that point, which i didn't feel in my right eye. it was way too late to say anything, so i just gripped the stress balls they gave me and 42sec later, i was getting paintbrushed down and flushed with cool, refreshing anti-germy liquid. whew. that was ..... something.
my vision was hazy as i got up from the table, but i could already see better than before. i could see the text on posters from across the room. i can't usually see past 5 inches in front of my face. they gave me my post op instructions, taped on some sexy eye shields on me, and he literally said, "...And we'll give you some dignity" as he put on a pair of semi-oldster-over-the-glasses sunglasses. thats some awesome bedside manner right there.
so i can see, i'm not blind, just hazy, and glad i scheduled the appt late afternoon, b/c the sun was going down. my eyes didn't hurt, they just felt kinda tired. a few hours later, though, they were beginning to feel sore, so i took my dear dear sleeping pill and sacked out. i remember my eyes watering a bit, and praying that it wasn't blood streaming from my eyeflaps.
the next morning, i was completely afraid to open my eyes. what if my eyes were too dry, and i opened them up too fast and i RIP out the eye circles they cut on the surface of my eyes?!?!
and what if i blink too hard and SQUEEZE OUT the eye flaps?!!!!
omg. CAN I WASH MY FACE? WHAT IF I SPLASH OUT THE EYEFLAPS FROM MY EYEBALLS WITH THE WATER?
i'll be in writhing eye pain, and i won't be able to call for help, b/c i won't be able to see the numbers on my phone to speed dial anyone. NOR do i have my NEW SPEED DIAL list memorized! and i'm so alone, no one would notice that i was missing for months, and i'd be slowly dying of of eyeball dehydration, and it would not be until The 'Kick came back from iraq would i be discovered, dead, with dessicated rasin like eyeballs with the fronts sliced off. all just because i wanted to SEE. is sight in the same vein as vanity? i hope not. although i am very very excited to slap on the eyemakeup.
Well, someone would actually probably call for Pixel before calling me, so i may have had a chance at survival.
so i get brave and gently peel open my eyes, very very slowly. i pick off all the sleepies from my lashes so that there is a smooth open of the lid, and ......I CAN SEE! I HAVE SIGHT! my right eye feels a teeny bit irritated, but that is it. i run to the bathroom and gently GENTLY pat water on my face - i still don't want to risk splashing out the eyeballflap. this is amazing. i can even drive myself to my doc's for post-op and i'm not in any kind of light sensitivity - and i get to wear my super cute sunglasses. doc says i did great, and my vision was at like, -5! thats wose than i thought i was. i'm glad i picked the computer diagnosis process over the "better one, better two, fuzzy? sharper? darker? better 3, better 4" routine. i never trust my own judgement. computer is much more precise.
i go to work, and i go to class. all day all fine. even my night vision is great. it's actually clearer NOW than it was before. i was having more and more trouble driving at night lately. my eyes geta little tired, and i have to remember to rest them, but holy crap, i can't belive how awesome it is. i've never remembered a life without glasses or contacts. i hope i don't wake up one day and it have just reverted back, like on the simpsons.
your treat for reading this entry is this - i have to wear this sexy getup for a few more nights:
aw yeah. is there a fetish site i can send this to and recoup some of my expenses?
could this be the gateway surgery? oooh whats next? botox? no wrinkles yet.
toe shortening? hale yeah. i'm sick of missing out on cute shoes b/c of my big feet. webMD i'm coming. i know there must be a surgeon who does this in miami. NYC for sure.
i prepped my house by designating clear paths to the bathroom and the kitchen. ok, so my house is designed where it's a straight line from front to back, but still, i had to literally clear a path. i did 99% of the laundry that was in piles and piles all over the house, you'd think i was the sorting room for buffalo exchange or something. but now that my baby, my fisher-paykel washing machine works again (it wasn't really broke, but had to be rebalanced, meaning adjusting the screw-on feet on the bottom of it, and by adjusting, meaning calling a repairman to come out, find out that is all it needed, and then charging me 130$ for balancing it- thats solo girl living style right there) i was all about some laundry. i found shit i totally forgot that i had (and loved) due to it being hidden in a pile of other black clothing.
another reason i did so much landry was b/c my friend was bringing me home after the LASIK and i didn't want to not-see her reaction of horror and disgust at my style of living out of piles. soooo-since i'm solo living, these are the things i have to think about:
house-reasonable for outside eyes - check
laundry - wow! i have some cute ass clothes! - check
path to bathroom - check
pjs laid out on bed - check
medicinal eye drops and sleeping pills (woot!) by bed - check.
protein shake in prominent easy-reach place in fridge in case i wake up hungries - check
hoping pixel won't have an accident somewhere on said cleared path - hoping
i set all my commands on my cell phone to voice, so that i can hear all the menus and contacts in case i have to call someone. no. i don't know anyone's phone number by heart, and i couldn't dial it anyway, i get confused between the number pad on the computer and the phone pad even when i'm looking. i put my closest friends number on the #5 speed dial b/c it has the tiney-iest of extra bumps on it.
i look at some favorite pictures, in case the worst happens. then at least i will have some good images as my "last seen" and yes i made sure i looked good in my "last seen" at least i could leave the sighted world with a good self-image of myself.
we hit the doc's office, and they give me my valium (woot!) and do the routine pre-exams. and right before i go in, The 'Kick txts me! he has been out in the field for the last 3 days and i have had none contact with him, so for me to hear from him is awesome. the universe is sometimes kind, indeed. i txt him back to quickly send me a pic of him so that he's the last thing i see before i go under and possibly go blind.
valium kicks in. time to hit the laser. they tape your eye open, drop in anesthesia, put some ring over your eye and you hear them say "suction" and you feel pressure around your eyesocket. then he says that my vision will go black,and to tell him when that happens. this is probably where people freak out b/c you hope to gods that your vision does come back. when it does, you look at the blinking lights and you hear the tech count the seconds it takes to mess around in there. 42 for the first eye. then you see the doc paint your eye with some tools, flush your eye out, which is refreshing, and pat around. thats it. after the pressure of the eyering guard thing...nothing. and super quick. wait a few minutes then the same for the left eye. but i think that the numbing agents have worn off a bit b.c i can feel more of what is going on. but it was going so fast i had no time to say anything. i felt the suction, then after the lights went out i totally FELT THEM CUTTING MY EYE FLAP. not felt as in, call 20/20 and do an expose on being awake during surgery, but i just felt what was happening at that point, which i didn't feel in my right eye. it was way too late to say anything, so i just gripped the stress balls they gave me and 42sec later, i was getting paintbrushed down and flushed with cool, refreshing anti-germy liquid. whew. that was ..... something.
my vision was hazy as i got up from the table, but i could already see better than before. i could see the text on posters from across the room. i can't usually see past 5 inches in front of my face. they gave me my post op instructions, taped on some sexy eye shields on me, and he literally said, "...And we'll give you some dignity" as he put on a pair of semi-oldster-over-the-glasses sunglasses. thats some awesome bedside manner right there.
so i can see, i'm not blind, just hazy, and glad i scheduled the appt late afternoon, b/c the sun was going down. my eyes didn't hurt, they just felt kinda tired. a few hours later, though, they were beginning to feel sore, so i took my dear dear sleeping pill and sacked out. i remember my eyes watering a bit, and praying that it wasn't blood streaming from my eyeflaps.
the next morning, i was completely afraid to open my eyes. what if my eyes were too dry, and i opened them up too fast and i RIP out the eye circles they cut on the surface of my eyes?!?!
and what if i blink too hard and SQUEEZE OUT the eye flaps?!!!!
omg. CAN I WASH MY FACE? WHAT IF I SPLASH OUT THE EYEFLAPS FROM MY EYEBALLS WITH THE WATER?
i'll be in writhing eye pain, and i won't be able to call for help, b/c i won't be able to see the numbers on my phone to speed dial anyone. NOR do i have my NEW SPEED DIAL list memorized! and i'm so alone, no one would notice that i was missing for months, and i'd be slowly dying of of eyeball dehydration, and it would not be until The 'Kick came back from iraq would i be discovered, dead, with dessicated rasin like eyeballs with the fronts sliced off. all just because i wanted to SEE. is sight in the same vein as vanity? i hope not. although i am very very excited to slap on the eyemakeup.
Well, someone would actually probably call for Pixel before calling me, so i may have had a chance at survival.
so i get brave and gently peel open my eyes, very very slowly. i pick off all the sleepies from my lashes so that there is a smooth open of the lid, and ......I CAN SEE! I HAVE SIGHT! my right eye feels a teeny bit irritated, but that is it. i run to the bathroom and gently GENTLY pat water on my face - i still don't want to risk splashing out the eyeballflap. this is amazing. i can even drive myself to my doc's for post-op and i'm not in any kind of light sensitivity - and i get to wear my super cute sunglasses. doc says i did great, and my vision was at like, -5! thats wose than i thought i was. i'm glad i picked the computer diagnosis process over the "better one, better two, fuzzy? sharper? darker? better 3, better 4" routine. i never trust my own judgement. computer is much more precise.
i go to work, and i go to class. all day all fine. even my night vision is great. it's actually clearer NOW than it was before. i was having more and more trouble driving at night lately. my eyes geta little tired, and i have to remember to rest them, but holy crap, i can't belive how awesome it is. i've never remembered a life without glasses or contacts. i hope i don't wake up one day and it have just reverted back, like on the simpsons.
your treat for reading this entry is this - i have to wear this sexy getup for a few more nights:
aw yeah. is there a fetish site i can send this to and recoup some of my expenses?
could this be the gateway surgery? oooh whats next? botox? no wrinkles yet.
toe shortening? hale yeah. i'm sick of missing out on cute shoes b/c of my big feet. webMD i'm coming. i know there must be a surgeon who does this in miami. NYC for sure.