you only live once
andrew and i are officially out of my house now. we moved into a house in loudon with blake and a couple friends. its pretty sweet. call us! 724-2253.
so as i was falling asleep last night, i heard a song that brought me back to 2004. it was really strange, because just listening to it with my eyes closed led me to believe that i was actually there. i got butterflies in my stomach that were more like frickin bees because the feeling was so strong that it almost hurt. it was kind of pleasant at first, but then i opened my eyes and felt the need to compare my life now to what it was 2 years ago. i feel like so much has changed and i cant tell if it is for the better. maybe its not for the better or for the worse.
all i know is 2 years ago i knew what i wanted. when i wanted something back then, i knew how to get it. i didnt even have to ask myself how, i just did it. i never held back, and i was constantly moving forward. this past year or so i've felt like ive been taking 2 steps forward and then stepping back almost all the way to where i began. how come two years ago it was like i was on fucking rollar skates with rockets on them or something? i used to feel in control of my life. i never felt for a second that anything i did was a waste of time, and i never felt the need to question everyone/everything around me. lately i've been thinking about how every choice you make changes your life, no matter how trivial the choice may seem. its driving me nuts because i over-analyze everything. i just cant see where the hell i'm going in life. i hate that i dont have the answers for everything and i hate that i cant see where im going, because im the type of person, unfortunately, who needs to feel in control or i'm a complete wreck.
speaking of not knowing the answers (and hating it), i feel like i cant read people anymore. sometimes i feel like i dont know anyone around me. i mean, i know you will never know someone else as well as you know yourself, because you didnt live their life and feel what they have felt...but its still a pain in the ass. i feel like i cant trust anyone. i feel like everyone is hiding things from me.
grr, i guess i just have to accept life as it is. walking into the dark searching for the answers to those questions. the part that bothers me is the fact that i may not find the answers...and then what if some day i think i know some of the answers and im completely wrong??
am i wasting my life away?
i dont know, maybe im just rambling on and no one will have any clue whatsoever as to what im talking about, but sometimes seeing it all written out in front of me helps me sort things out.
so as i was falling asleep last night, i heard a song that brought me back to 2004. it was really strange, because just listening to it with my eyes closed led me to believe that i was actually there. i got butterflies in my stomach that were more like frickin bees because the feeling was so strong that it almost hurt. it was kind of pleasant at first, but then i opened my eyes and felt the need to compare my life now to what it was 2 years ago. i feel like so much has changed and i cant tell if it is for the better. maybe its not for the better or for the worse.
all i know is 2 years ago i knew what i wanted. when i wanted something back then, i knew how to get it. i didnt even have to ask myself how, i just did it. i never held back, and i was constantly moving forward. this past year or so i've felt like ive been taking 2 steps forward and then stepping back almost all the way to where i began. how come two years ago it was like i was on fucking rollar skates with rockets on them or something? i used to feel in control of my life. i never felt for a second that anything i did was a waste of time, and i never felt the need to question everyone/everything around me. lately i've been thinking about how every choice you make changes your life, no matter how trivial the choice may seem. its driving me nuts because i over-analyze everything. i just cant see where the hell i'm going in life. i hate that i dont have the answers for everything and i hate that i cant see where im going, because im the type of person, unfortunately, who needs to feel in control or i'm a complete wreck.
speaking of not knowing the answers (and hating it), i feel like i cant read people anymore. sometimes i feel like i dont know anyone around me. i mean, i know you will never know someone else as well as you know yourself, because you didnt live their life and feel what they have felt...but its still a pain in the ass. i feel like i cant trust anyone. i feel like everyone is hiding things from me.
grr, i guess i just have to accept life as it is. walking into the dark searching for the answers to those questions. the part that bothers me is the fact that i may not find the answers...and then what if some day i think i know some of the answers and im completely wrong??
am i wasting my life away?
i dont know, maybe im just rambling on and no one will have any clue whatsoever as to what im talking about, but sometimes seeing it all written out in front of me helps me sort things out.