gluten-free ghetto gourmet presents: shortbread
*for maximum ghetto effect, get all of your ingredients on food stamps or from food boxez
ingredients:
2 cups butter (room temp)
1 cup packed brown sugar
4 1/2 cups gluten-free flour
-preheat the oven to 325 degrees ferenheit
-sort of half-ass cream the butter and sugar together. this won't really work because you're using a hand cranked, assbackwards fucking bullshit garage sale egg beater. but still, spend a good 20 minutes getting it slightly creamed in some places (it's creamed when it appears whipped, fluffy and lighter in color) and sort of lumpy and still unmixed in others. whatever.
-add the flour. realize as you are using the only cup measure you have (1/4 cup) that you only have about half the flour that you need. maybe more than half. fuck it.
-you're supposed to like, knead the dough with the last cup of flour sprinkled on the cutting board, but since you used all the flour and the cutting board isn't big enough anyway, just sort of... turn it over a few times... yeah. there you go. sure.
-now get your cookie sheet ready. it should be a fucking piece of shit that someone bought at walmart two years ago, banged up and encrusted with remnants of everything that has ever been baked on it. just spend a few minutes scrubbing it with that little piece of a scrubby sponge, you know, long enough that the water rinsing off of it is significantly less black. coat it in vegetable oil or whatever, in hopes that the black stuff doesn't stick to the crust of the shortbread.
-now, you don't have a rolling pin, so you're just going to have to sort of push the dough into the pan so that it's more or less even.
-bake for 23 minutes.
-let stand probably overnight because you didn't use enough flour to make it stick together while it's warm.
-enjoy! this will serve... well probably just you because your roommate is a diva bitch who was all like "omigod that's 6,000 calories!" besides, you need something to ease the pain of having no money, and having contracted scabies. again.
:)
ingredients:
2 cups butter (room temp)
1 cup packed brown sugar
4 1/2 cups gluten-free flour
-preheat the oven to 325 degrees ferenheit
-sort of half-ass cream the butter and sugar together. this won't really work because you're using a hand cranked, assbackwards fucking bullshit garage sale egg beater. but still, spend a good 20 minutes getting it slightly creamed in some places (it's creamed when it appears whipped, fluffy and lighter in color) and sort of lumpy and still unmixed in others. whatever.
-add the flour. realize as you are using the only cup measure you have (1/4 cup) that you only have about half the flour that you need. maybe more than half. fuck it.
-you're supposed to like, knead the dough with the last cup of flour sprinkled on the cutting board, but since you used all the flour and the cutting board isn't big enough anyway, just sort of... turn it over a few times... yeah. there you go. sure.
-now get your cookie sheet ready. it should be a fucking piece of shit that someone bought at walmart two years ago, banged up and encrusted with remnants of everything that has ever been baked on it. just spend a few minutes scrubbing it with that little piece of a scrubby sponge, you know, long enough that the water rinsing off of it is significantly less black. coat it in vegetable oil or whatever, in hopes that the black stuff doesn't stick to the crust of the shortbread.
-now, you don't have a rolling pin, so you're just going to have to sort of push the dough into the pan so that it's more or less even.
-bake for 23 minutes.
-let stand probably overnight because you didn't use enough flour to make it stick together while it's warm.
-enjoy! this will serve... well probably just you because your roommate is a diva bitch who was all like "omigod that's 6,000 calories!" besides, you need something to ease the pain of having no money, and having contracted scabies. again.
:)