Winds
The wind tonight is unearthly. It is violent and terrifying; full of rage and joy and the unknown all tumbled together in a onrushing wave of power.
Tonight after stamping, glittering, gluing, Doctor Who, tea and horse shaped cakes, a thoroughly excellent evening on every level, I stepped out into this. The land baked warm and dry by days of summer-like sunshine pulling, grasping, and tearing the cold wild winds off the ocean to ease her fevered brow.
Even though it was 2:30 in the morning this wind filled me with an overwhelming terror, restless energy coursing through my body telling me to run and run and run, to out-race the grasping arms of trees and the trembling walls of my room, so I listened. I walked up the hill and around to face the sea. The whole world seemed to be rushing, and leaping, driven into the same wild frenzy as myself. It took effort not to run back home to the safety of my covers and pillows, to stand still against this force trying to whip me up and rush me away. I must have stood there for only 5 minutes but it seemed to be so much longer. I felt the wind tunnel right through me, beating at my edges and buffeting me about very much like how I have been feeling about life since college. So I took all of my fears and angers, my hopes and joys, and released them to the maw of the wind. And then I just stood there wrapped in my own stillness. Just content to be.
I'm still afraid of the wind, and all of those things are still inside of me but I think that the stillness is there too.
And that is something.
Tonight after stamping, glittering, gluing, Doctor Who, tea and horse shaped cakes, a thoroughly excellent evening on every level, I stepped out into this. The land baked warm and dry by days of summer-like sunshine pulling, grasping, and tearing the cold wild winds off the ocean to ease her fevered brow.
Even though it was 2:30 in the morning this wind filled me with an overwhelming terror, restless energy coursing through my body telling me to run and run and run, to out-race the grasping arms of trees and the trembling walls of my room, so I listened. I walked up the hill and around to face the sea. The whole world seemed to be rushing, and leaping, driven into the same wild frenzy as myself. It took effort not to run back home to the safety of my covers and pillows, to stand still against this force trying to whip me up and rush me away. I must have stood there for only 5 minutes but it seemed to be so much longer. I felt the wind tunnel right through me, beating at my edges and buffeting me about very much like how I have been feeling about life since college. So I took all of my fears and angers, my hopes and joys, and released them to the maw of the wind. And then I just stood there wrapped in my own stillness. Just content to be.
I'm still afraid of the wind, and all of those things are still inside of me but I think that the stillness is there too.
And that is something.