(no subject)
"If you deceive someone, you lose one of life's greatest treasures."
I was the recipient of beautiful flowers, sweet kisses, an evening together and apparent apologies.
In fact, the other night he held my waist and sobbed.
Still, I am at a loss.
It's not easy. I need to look him in the eyes and believe what he says.
I need to believe that he wouldn't just move files to other folders for safe keeping. I should trust that, but I can't.
I need to feel that he isn't short with me or that his "napping" won't affect his interaction.
I want to be respected consistantly. I deserve that.
I want to explain that so much more than sleep affects my attitude, affects my thought, affects my sleep patterns and my worries. These things are: my mother, my jobs, my brother, my usual loneliness, my lack of upbringing, my history, my past, my present, my father, my pains, my fears, my money, my body. I do my absolute best to refrain from allowing any of this to change my relationships. I feel I do a pretty damn good job.
Mostly, I wouldn't allow my lack of sleep or my negative mood to change the way I treat the man I love. And... I would never lie to him.
I was the recipient of beautiful flowers, sweet kisses, an evening together and apparent apologies.
In fact, the other night he held my waist and sobbed.
Still, I am at a loss.
It's not easy. I need to look him in the eyes and believe what he says.
I need to believe that he wouldn't just move files to other folders for safe keeping. I should trust that, but I can't.
I need to feel that he isn't short with me or that his "napping" won't affect his interaction.
I want to be respected consistantly. I deserve that.
I want to explain that so much more than sleep affects my attitude, affects my thought, affects my sleep patterns and my worries. These things are: my mother, my jobs, my brother, my usual loneliness, my lack of upbringing, my history, my past, my present, my father, my pains, my fears, my money, my body. I do my absolute best to refrain from allowing any of this to change my relationships. I feel I do a pretty damn good job.
Mostly, I wouldn't allow my lack of sleep or my negative mood to change the way I treat the man I love. And... I would never lie to him.