(no subject)
there have been so many things i've wanted to talk about. the start of school, the new places i've encountered, the recent controversies here at school... but what finally brings me back here is another desperate 4 am attempt to avoid doing my work. who would've thought?
when i think of my time here, i can't help but feel like much of it has been terribly squandered. the things i should do, i don't do right. the things i've really wanted to do, i haven't been and will never be able to do. i'm kind of in a rut right now, especially in terms of my personal life. and it's really spilled into my academic life. but i'm slowly beginning to realize that my undoing isn't this person or this activity or this thing, it's me. i've noticed that i possess a number of strange quirks, which aren't even charming or cute, just annoying and counterproductive.
for example, i absolutely refuse to do things out of order, and i always feel compelled to complete everything i start. not so bad, i guess, but when i'm in a situation where i just need to do what needs to be done to get my assignments out of the way, i would choose to turn in half of my problems finished in order instead of skipping around. instead of covering the important points when i study for tests, i make a list of things i have to read and try to do it from top to bottom.
also i always feel overwhelmed when i have a lot of work but not enough time to complete it, so i often end up not doing any work at all. i don't know what this means for me, but i fear for my grades. i wish i'd snap out of it, but even after failing my econ final and just recently an orgo midterm, things don't bode well for my transcript. my lack of discipline and understanding of time will be my downfall.
is there a positive side to things? well, i'm enjoying myself as much as my conscience will allow. my room is almost ready for visitors so i hope i have some (hint). i think i'm pretty comfortable, except for the possibly-failing-out-of-school part.
when i think of my time here, i can't help but feel like much of it has been terribly squandered. the things i should do, i don't do right. the things i've really wanted to do, i haven't been and will never be able to do. i'm kind of in a rut right now, especially in terms of my personal life. and it's really spilled into my academic life. but i'm slowly beginning to realize that my undoing isn't this person or this activity or this thing, it's me. i've noticed that i possess a number of strange quirks, which aren't even charming or cute, just annoying and counterproductive.
for example, i absolutely refuse to do things out of order, and i always feel compelled to complete everything i start. not so bad, i guess, but when i'm in a situation where i just need to do what needs to be done to get my assignments out of the way, i would choose to turn in half of my problems finished in order instead of skipping around. instead of covering the important points when i study for tests, i make a list of things i have to read and try to do it from top to bottom.
also i always feel overwhelmed when i have a lot of work but not enough time to complete it, so i often end up not doing any work at all. i don't know what this means for me, but i fear for my grades. i wish i'd snap out of it, but even after failing my econ final and just recently an orgo midterm, things don't bode well for my transcript. my lack of discipline and understanding of time will be my downfall.
is there a positive side to things? well, i'm enjoying myself as much as my conscience will allow. my room is almost ready for visitors so i hope i have some (hint). i think i'm pretty comfortable, except for the possibly-failing-out-of-school part.