(no subject)
I want more than ever just to run away. Get away from everyone, everything - run.
I know how unrealistic it is to want. I'm almost done with school. I just bought a home here. I can't leave. I've been really jealous lately because Cyncyrie keeps talking about moving. She's leaving. She's moving to San Francisco with her boyfriend Alex. She gets to live there rent free, has a job secured at a non-profit, and gets to spend every minute with the love of her life. And, even if it doesn't work out, lady's got enough money to figure it out for herself in SF. I'm jealous.
I'm also jealous of the love. I feel like I've given it up. I feel like I've completely forsaken the whole feeling of love. I feel like no matter what situation I am in, I am never happy. I want to be with Mel, but I am way too freaked out that I would be making a stupid decision. I already felt stupid enough after everything happened. I wanted to wait because I am not ready to devote myself to her again. But I guess that's not the way it works. I can't expect her to change or to wait around until I am ready. But I'm not asking her to, either.
I talked to Brandon about Mel and how everything was going down, and he did something I didn't expect. He was really nice to me about it. He said he wanted a little space from me, and that kind of made me sad, but I guess it's understandable. So I guess I'm not going to talk to him for a while and just let him be. I know he wants more between us, and I think he's sick of me leaving him in limbo land. I still don't know what I want to do. I guess now that Mel doesn't want to have anything to do with me, I have nothing holding me back. But at the same time, I'm still not sure if it's what I want. Maybe I need to be alone longer. I know I need to get my shit together, I've been doing horribly with school work and getting things done. I have no motivation and I think I just need to lock myself up with a bunch of school work until it's all done. When I put my mind to something, I can really get it done - but it's just a matter of getting myself motivated enough to do it.
I don't feel motivated to do anything. I feel like every decision I'm making or that I've made thus far is the inopportune or wrong one. I'm terrified of finishing up school and being out in the real world. Am I wasting my time in school? Am I spending money for a degree that I don't even care about or want to use?
I am definitely having some kind of identity crisis, and I hope I don't do anything stupid. My birthday is coming up soon, and I've awful luck on my birthday. I honestly feel like something really really awful is going to happen on/around my birthday this year. I'm a little nervous about it. I want to run away.
On a happier note, Repo came out yesterday & I had it pre-ordered on amazon. Cyncyrie came over last night & we made a sushi feast and watched Repo, and had a grand old time. I make fabulous margaritas. I think I kind of want to be a bartender someday.
Also, Happy Obama times. I want to say that I am so excited for Michelle's reign as first lady - and all of the fabulous outfits and gowns that are to come.
Ivory. Or is that cream? Or white? Whatever. Bitches can finally unclench their ass cheeks because Michelle Obama's inauguration gown came out tonight. I can't wait to hear whores on the morning shows tomorrow rant about this from top to bottom. Anyway, it was made by Taiwan-born Jason Wu. I love him because he used to make clothes for Barbie. He still makes Barbies sometimes, but only really fine ones. The kind you'd drink champagne with and talk about art. Elegant ones.
So, when I first saw her dress, I wasn't sure about it. It looked liked a wedding dress Solange would make down in the basement using Charmin rolls, pipe cleaners and cotton balls. But then when she twirled and it sparkled, I felt tingly. It's the gay gene. I see pretty sparkles and I'm suddenly giggling. And get ready to see low-budget knock offs of this dress at weddings, proms and sweet 16 parties.
As expected, Beyonce sang "At Last" for the Obamas first dance. I didn't roll my eyes completely which means it wasn't that bad. I did a half roll and then brought it back. You know Beyonce's inner Sasha Fierce was begging to come out. Beyonce had to hold her back! You could tell she wanted to get all dramatic, rip off her dress and bust some "Single Ladies" moves. Basement Baby was telepathically telling her to "Let Sasha out! Let Sasha out!" That didn't happen and overall I give it a half clap. She's still no Etta James.
Assault With A Deadly Taco
Gone are the days where you didn't have to worry about going to jail if you threw a taco at a bitch's face. The other day in Deltona, FL, this 19-year-old douchebag threw a taco at his mom's face after she unplugged his Xbox. Yes, she got a face full of taco. It does sound like the plot of a sick ass porn movie.
Dena Moir told police that her son Zachary is a mega loser who doesn't have a job and plays Xbox every single waking minute. When she called his ass down for dinner, he refused, so she went upstairs and fucked up his life by unplugging his Xbox. That's when he followed her downstairs and bitch slapped her with a taco. Seriously, this sounds kind of sexy in a totally wrong way. Dena said, "I've been having trouble with him for awhile won't work, wont' go to school. He's being rude and disrespectful. Pushing things to the limit as far as the violence. I’ve threatened to call police before. But anyway this time, I thought he went too far so I called police and he's in jail now.”
Dena refuses to take his calls from jail and is trying to teach him a lesson. Damn. Bitch really didn't like getting taco slapped. Can't say I blame her. A couple of times in junior high school I experimented and let a bitch pound me in the mouth with her taco. I wanted to call 911 too.
And I hate to admit it, but even though Zach is a bag of dirty dildos, I'd still let him hit it with his taquito. As far as I know, he doesn't have a taco. And if he does, he can hit it with that too.
I know how unrealistic it is to want. I'm almost done with school. I just bought a home here. I can't leave. I've been really jealous lately because Cyncyrie keeps talking about moving. She's leaving. She's moving to San Francisco with her boyfriend Alex. She gets to live there rent free, has a job secured at a non-profit, and gets to spend every minute with the love of her life. And, even if it doesn't work out, lady's got enough money to figure it out for herself in SF. I'm jealous.
I'm also jealous of the love. I feel like I've given it up. I feel like I've completely forsaken the whole feeling of love. I feel like no matter what situation I am in, I am never happy. I want to be with Mel, but I am way too freaked out that I would be making a stupid decision. I already felt stupid enough after everything happened. I wanted to wait because I am not ready to devote myself to her again. But I guess that's not the way it works. I can't expect her to change or to wait around until I am ready. But I'm not asking her to, either.
I talked to Brandon about Mel and how everything was going down, and he did something I didn't expect. He was really nice to me about it. He said he wanted a little space from me, and that kind of made me sad, but I guess it's understandable. So I guess I'm not going to talk to him for a while and just let him be. I know he wants more between us, and I think he's sick of me leaving him in limbo land. I still don't know what I want to do. I guess now that Mel doesn't want to have anything to do with me, I have nothing holding me back. But at the same time, I'm still not sure if it's what I want. Maybe I need to be alone longer. I know I need to get my shit together, I've been doing horribly with school work and getting things done. I have no motivation and I think I just need to lock myself up with a bunch of school work until it's all done. When I put my mind to something, I can really get it done - but it's just a matter of getting myself motivated enough to do it.
I don't feel motivated to do anything. I feel like every decision I'm making or that I've made thus far is the inopportune or wrong one. I'm terrified of finishing up school and being out in the real world. Am I wasting my time in school? Am I spending money for a degree that I don't even care about or want to use?
I am definitely having some kind of identity crisis, and I hope I don't do anything stupid. My birthday is coming up soon, and I've awful luck on my birthday. I honestly feel like something really really awful is going to happen on/around my birthday this year. I'm a little nervous about it. I want to run away.
On a happier note, Repo came out yesterday & I had it pre-ordered on amazon. Cyncyrie came over last night & we made a sushi feast and watched Repo, and had a grand old time. I make fabulous margaritas. I think I kind of want to be a bartender someday.
Also, Happy Obama times. I want to say that I am so excited for Michelle's reign as first lady - and all of the fabulous outfits and gowns that are to come.
Ivory. Or is that cream? Or white? Whatever. Bitches can finally unclench their ass cheeks because Michelle Obama's inauguration gown came out tonight. I can't wait to hear whores on the morning shows tomorrow rant about this from top to bottom. Anyway, it was made by Taiwan-born Jason Wu. I love him because he used to make clothes for Barbie. He still makes Barbies sometimes, but only really fine ones. The kind you'd drink champagne with and talk about art. Elegant ones.
So, when I first saw her dress, I wasn't sure about it. It looked liked a wedding dress Solange would make down in the basement using Charmin rolls, pipe cleaners and cotton balls. But then when she twirled and it sparkled, I felt tingly. It's the gay gene. I see pretty sparkles and I'm suddenly giggling. And get ready to see low-budget knock offs of this dress at weddings, proms and sweet 16 parties.
As expected, Beyonce sang "At Last" for the Obamas first dance. I didn't roll my eyes completely which means it wasn't that bad. I did a half roll and then brought it back. You know Beyonce's inner Sasha Fierce was begging to come out. Beyonce had to hold her back! You could tell she wanted to get all dramatic, rip off her dress and bust some "Single Ladies" moves. Basement Baby was telepathically telling her to "Let Sasha out! Let Sasha out!" That didn't happen and overall I give it a half clap. She's still no Etta James.
Assault With A Deadly Taco
Gone are the days where you didn't have to worry about going to jail if you threw a taco at a bitch's face. The other day in Deltona, FL, this 19-year-old douchebag threw a taco at his mom's face after she unplugged his Xbox. Yes, she got a face full of taco. It does sound like the plot of a sick ass porn movie.
Dena Moir told police that her son Zachary is a mega loser who doesn't have a job and plays Xbox every single waking minute. When she called his ass down for dinner, he refused, so she went upstairs and fucked up his life by unplugging his Xbox. That's when he followed her downstairs and bitch slapped her with a taco. Seriously, this sounds kind of sexy in a totally wrong way. Dena said, "I've been having trouble with him for awhile won't work, wont' go to school. He's being rude and disrespectful. Pushing things to the limit as far as the violence. I’ve threatened to call police before. But anyway this time, I thought he went too far so I called police and he's in jail now.”
Dena refuses to take his calls from jail and is trying to teach him a lesson. Damn. Bitch really didn't like getting taco slapped. Can't say I blame her. A couple of times in junior high school I experimented and let a bitch pound me in the mouth with her taco. I wanted to call 911 too.
And I hate to admit it, but even though Zach is a bag of dirty dildos, I'd still let him hit it with his taquito. As far as I know, he doesn't have a taco. And if he does, he can hit it with that too.