(no subject)
Everyone has been ignoring me lately. I must have done something stupid.
I've decided to stop drinking so very much. Specifically, no more hard alcohol. I've known for a long time that I have absolutely no self control when hard alcohol is involved and I need to not only cut back but cut it out completely. My doctor really got to me and I am thinking that I've done so many stupid things while drunk that I just can't do that to myself anymore. I've developed such a self-loathing because of it. I mean, everyone does dumb things when they are drunk? right? right!?
Also, a bunch of people have been talking shit lately. People who I wouldn't expect. I'm really hurt by it, and I think I am going to isolate myself a little bit. I can't handle all of the shit-talking & drama that has been thrown at me lately and anyone else starts it - I'm over them. I'm trying to care less about what other people think of me. It's time to grow the fuck up and not be in high school anymore. Even grown ass people have been dipping their grubby little paws in the gossip. It's fucking ridiculous. I was always a hot gossip topic in high school & it looks like the shit won't die.
I think I might move out of this godless town. No one here gives more than two shits about me and I just feel like it's all because of this gossip and drama. My parents have enough of their own shit to worry about and don't really need me around. I think as soon as I've graduated, I'm getting the fuck out of here. I mean, I love Portland - but it's starting to wear me down. I'm thinking about moving to Northern Cali or maybe Reno. I want to start over somewhere where people don't have all of these horrible misconceptions about me. This town is so goddamn small and everyone knows everybody and people talk so damn much. I'm so over it.
I honestly can't handle the gossip. I know I'm supposed to be tough and be able to take it, but it gets to me so bad. I cry about it, I'm a big old baby about it. I hate it when people don't like me or think negative things about me. I try so hard to make everyone happy & make everyone like me. I don't know why I try so hard or why I care so much but i do. i do, i do. I try to hard & it probably turns people off. On one hand, I think I would feel lost if I moved, but on the other I think I need it. I need to branch out and get the hell out of here because I think it's driving me crazy.
I've decided to stop drinking so very much. Specifically, no more hard alcohol. I've known for a long time that I have absolutely no self control when hard alcohol is involved and I need to not only cut back but cut it out completely. My doctor really got to me and I am thinking that I've done so many stupid things while drunk that I just can't do that to myself anymore. I've developed such a self-loathing because of it. I mean, everyone does dumb things when they are drunk? right? right!?
Also, a bunch of people have been talking shit lately. People who I wouldn't expect. I'm really hurt by it, and I think I am going to isolate myself a little bit. I can't handle all of the shit-talking & drama that has been thrown at me lately and anyone else starts it - I'm over them. I'm trying to care less about what other people think of me. It's time to grow the fuck up and not be in high school anymore. Even grown ass people have been dipping their grubby little paws in the gossip. It's fucking ridiculous. I was always a hot gossip topic in high school & it looks like the shit won't die.
I think I might move out of this godless town. No one here gives more than two shits about me and I just feel like it's all because of this gossip and drama. My parents have enough of their own shit to worry about and don't really need me around. I think as soon as I've graduated, I'm getting the fuck out of here. I mean, I love Portland - but it's starting to wear me down. I'm thinking about moving to Northern Cali or maybe Reno. I want to start over somewhere where people don't have all of these horrible misconceptions about me. This town is so goddamn small and everyone knows everybody and people talk so damn much. I'm so over it.
I honestly can't handle the gossip. I know I'm supposed to be tough and be able to take it, but it gets to me so bad. I cry about it, I'm a big old baby about it. I hate it when people don't like me or think negative things about me. I try so hard to make everyone happy & make everyone like me. I don't know why I try so hard or why I care so much but i do. i do, i do. I try to hard & it probably turns people off. On one hand, I think I would feel lost if I moved, but on the other I think I need it. I need to branch out and get the hell out of here because I think it's driving me crazy.