Holiday Fic Post #6
craponaspatula requested "Dog Musical" fic. Yeah, I've got nothing.
I will explain references and/or gladly talk about musicals in the comments.
After seeing Les Miserables, Andy enrolled in Intro to Musical Theater at Pawnee Community College.
While he was enrolled in the class, Andy began working on his new pet project - “Dogs: The Musical.”
The following “word of mouth” reviews are from the first workshop of that musical. Andy’s classmate dropped by to record the comments on video for the composer/director/visionary's archives.
***
Ann Perkins:
“I didn’t quite understand what was happening. There were, like, three separate plot threads. And they all sounded like musicals that already exist. There were two star-crossed dogs in love and they were affiliated with gangs, and one of them had a stage mother, and the other one was being chased by a dogcatcher, and … yeah. It’s clear that Andy brought something unique to the art form.”
***
April Ludgate:
“When Andy got on stage and sang a song about dog food, I was moved. That’s something real that dogs experience every day. It wasn’t that glamorized Snoopy bullshit. Dog food probably sucks.”
***
Tom Haverford:
“I came here looking for an investment opportunity. Sure, it’s not a movie starring me and Vin Diesel, but it would get my name in lights in NYC. I’m seeing all sorts of merchandising in Andy’s future - dog collars, dog leashes, luxury dog food, squeaky toys, everything."
***
Chris Traeger:
“That nine minute song about the pursuit of one’s tail sounded like a number from a show my parents love - ‘Carousel.’ But it was completely moving, and original, and it made me feel hope and despair at the same time. Now that’s what I call art.”
***
Donna Meagle:
“It needed a bit more funk. Those dogs needed to get down and dirty.”
[Pause]
“Seriously, dogs get dirty. I have to bathe Camille every night in a special shampoo because she won’t stay out of the dirt.”
***
Ron Swanson:
“I enjoyed the toy helicopter, especially if it was a reference to ‘The Bridge on the River Kwai.”
***
Ron Swanson, again:
“Never mind. My girlfriend just told me it was a reference to some 80’s musical.”
***
Ann Perkins:
“Andy’s decision to name the stage mom dog ‘Patti LuBone’ was a bit heavy handed. I would have gone with an Ethel Merman reference.”
***
Leslie Knope:
“I rarely get to go the theater, so that was simply magical. It is truly a dog’s life. Well done, Andy!” [Applause]
***
Jerry Gergich:
“You know, it was such a lovely night out. I can’t think of anything bad to say about it. It reminded me of when I saw the original production of ‘A Chorus Line.’ It made my heart sing, well, bark.” [Giggle]
***
Ben Wyatt:
“I have plenty of bad things to say about it. The costumes and makeup were substandard and even though I know the orchestrations are in their beginning stages, they were lacking. Probably because this was a classic musical/rock opera/80s megamusical kind of thing.”
***
Leslie Knope, again:
“Please ignore Ben’s comments; he’s not being fair. Let me tell you about how much I loved the dance break in the song about dog treats.”
***
Ben Wyatt, again:
“All I’m saying is that it lacks refinement. Or any sense of focus or coherence, for that matter.”
[The video camera operator asks him a question.]
“No, I’m not related to Michael Riedel. Who the hell is Michael Riedel?”
***
Some final thoughts from April Ludgate:
“If you didn’t like it, you suck. This is totally going to win some awards someday. It has to be good if Ben thinks it sucks.”
***
Seven years later, Dogs: The Musical went on to win an Obie. It later transferred to Broadway and the West End and won the Drama Desk, the Outer Critics Circle Award, the Olivier, and the Tony for Best Musical.
It was a rough, ahem, “ruff” year for Broadway.
For ballroom_pink, who wanted to see April and Andy give Ben and Leslie marriage advice.
“Ben, I am going to teach you how to have an amazing marriage.” Andy was slobbering his way through a plate of spaghetti; Ben was totally indifferent after living with him for way too long. Andy had insisted on having lunch together, bro to bro. Ben now had a marriage sensei, whether he wanted one or not.
“Okay. What makes a great marriage?”
Andy paused for a second while he swallowed his food. “Never plan anything. Always be spontaneous.”
Ben raised his eyebrows. “Really? Leslie plans everything down to the second. Planning makes her happy.”
“Plans are dumb. April and I just decided to get married and we did it. That’s how things get done. Plans get in the way of having fun.”
Ben couldn’t help rolling his eyes. This was going to be a long lunch.
***
Meanwhile, across town, April was imparting words of wisdom to Leslie.
“Leslie, there is only one piece of advice that matters.”
“What is it?” Leslie dumped more sugar into decadent coffee drink.
April took out a pen and jotted down “ABC” on a napkin.
“Always be closing!” April bellowed at the top her lungs. Leslie jumped in fright.
“Closing what? Doors? Windows? I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” April sneered.
***
“You know, you guys shouldn’t plan a honeymoon. You should just get up and go somewhere,” Andy suggested. His eyes drifted off, indicating that he was in a fantasyland. “Like Siberia. That would be fun. You’d get to see the wolves and seals and stuff.”
“Dude. We’re not going to Siberia. You don’t just drop everything and go to Siberia,” Ben replied. He took another bite of his salad and discreetly checked his watch.
Andy’s face fell. “Aw crap, I’ve always wanted to go there. I was gonna build an igloo.”
***
“April, do you have any real marriage advice?” Leslie asked. April had been married for a while; she had to have something profound to say about marriage.
“No,” April said quietly. She stared at Leslie while she stirred her chai in a rather intense manner.
Leslie took a deep breath. “You know, I value our friendship and I really care about what you have to say. Could you just give me a tiny nugget of advice?”
April’s intense stirring came to a stop while she thought for a moment. Finally, after a few agonizing seconds, she had something to say.
“Get a dog. When you guys fight, the dog will side with the winner.”
Leslie pulled out a gigantic notepad and made a note of April’s sage wisdom.
***
Later, Leslie and Ben compared results.
“So, Andy thinks that we should never plan anything. We should also drop everything and go to Siberia and stay in an igloo,” Ben reported.
“Well, April made a reference to some Alec Baldwin movie; I had to look it up on IMDB because I didn’t get it at all. And then she said we should get a dog to serve as a relationship arbiter.”
Ben smiled. “You know, I would love to have a dog. I had one as a kid; she was an awesome friend.”
Leslie jumped up from the couch and grabbed her laptop. “Great! We need to compare various breeds and desirable dog traits. We should also decide on the optimum time to get a dog.”
***
They got a dog three months later. However, they did things their own way and that made all the difference.
I will explain references and/or gladly talk about musicals in the comments.
After seeing Les Miserables, Andy enrolled in Intro to Musical Theater at Pawnee Community College.
While he was enrolled in the class, Andy began working on his new pet project - “Dogs: The Musical.”
The following “word of mouth” reviews are from the first workshop of that musical. Andy’s classmate dropped by to record the comments on video for the composer/director/visionary's archives.
***
Ann Perkins:
“I didn’t quite understand what was happening. There were, like, three separate plot threads. And they all sounded like musicals that already exist. There were two star-crossed dogs in love and they were affiliated with gangs, and one of them had a stage mother, and the other one was being chased by a dogcatcher, and … yeah. It’s clear that Andy brought something unique to the art form.”
***
April Ludgate:
“When Andy got on stage and sang a song about dog food, I was moved. That’s something real that dogs experience every day. It wasn’t that glamorized Snoopy bullshit. Dog food probably sucks.”
***
Tom Haverford:
“I came here looking for an investment opportunity. Sure, it’s not a movie starring me and Vin Diesel, but it would get my name in lights in NYC. I’m seeing all sorts of merchandising in Andy’s future - dog collars, dog leashes, luxury dog food, squeaky toys, everything."
***
Chris Traeger:
“That nine minute song about the pursuit of one’s tail sounded like a number from a show my parents love - ‘Carousel.’ But it was completely moving, and original, and it made me feel hope and despair at the same time. Now that’s what I call art.”
***
Donna Meagle:
“It needed a bit more funk. Those dogs needed to get down and dirty.”
[Pause]
“Seriously, dogs get dirty. I have to bathe Camille every night in a special shampoo because she won’t stay out of the dirt.”
***
Ron Swanson:
“I enjoyed the toy helicopter, especially if it was a reference to ‘The Bridge on the River Kwai.”
***
Ron Swanson, again:
“Never mind. My girlfriend just told me it was a reference to some 80’s musical.”
***
Ann Perkins:
“Andy’s decision to name the stage mom dog ‘Patti LuBone’ was a bit heavy handed. I would have gone with an Ethel Merman reference.”
***
Leslie Knope:
“I rarely get to go the theater, so that was simply magical. It is truly a dog’s life. Well done, Andy!” [Applause]
***
Jerry Gergich:
“You know, it was such a lovely night out. I can’t think of anything bad to say about it. It reminded me of when I saw the original production of ‘A Chorus Line.’ It made my heart sing, well, bark.” [Giggle]
***
Ben Wyatt:
“I have plenty of bad things to say about it. The costumes and makeup were substandard and even though I know the orchestrations are in their beginning stages, they were lacking. Probably because this was a classic musical/rock opera/80s megamusical kind of thing.”
***
Leslie Knope, again:
“Please ignore Ben’s comments; he’s not being fair. Let me tell you about how much I loved the dance break in the song about dog treats.”
***
Ben Wyatt, again:
“All I’m saying is that it lacks refinement. Or any sense of focus or coherence, for that matter.”
[The video camera operator asks him a question.]
“No, I’m not related to Michael Riedel. Who the hell is Michael Riedel?”
***
Some final thoughts from April Ludgate:
“If you didn’t like it, you suck. This is totally going to win some awards someday. It has to be good if Ben thinks it sucks.”
***
Seven years later, Dogs: The Musical went on to win an Obie. It later transferred to Broadway and the West End and won the Drama Desk, the Outer Critics Circle Award, the Olivier, and the Tony for Best Musical.
It was a rough, ahem, “ruff” year for Broadway.
For ballroom_pink, who wanted to see April and Andy give Ben and Leslie marriage advice.
“Ben, I am going to teach you how to have an amazing marriage.” Andy was slobbering his way through a plate of spaghetti; Ben was totally indifferent after living with him for way too long. Andy had insisted on having lunch together, bro to bro. Ben now had a marriage sensei, whether he wanted one or not.
“Okay. What makes a great marriage?”
Andy paused for a second while he swallowed his food. “Never plan anything. Always be spontaneous.”
Ben raised his eyebrows. “Really? Leslie plans everything down to the second. Planning makes her happy.”
“Plans are dumb. April and I just decided to get married and we did it. That’s how things get done. Plans get in the way of having fun.”
Ben couldn’t help rolling his eyes. This was going to be a long lunch.
***
Meanwhile, across town, April was imparting words of wisdom to Leslie.
“Leslie, there is only one piece of advice that matters.”
“What is it?” Leslie dumped more sugar into decadent coffee drink.
April took out a pen and jotted down “ABC” on a napkin.
“Always be closing!” April bellowed at the top her lungs. Leslie jumped in fright.
“Closing what? Doors? Windows? I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” April sneered.
***
“You know, you guys shouldn’t plan a honeymoon. You should just get up and go somewhere,” Andy suggested. His eyes drifted off, indicating that he was in a fantasyland. “Like Siberia. That would be fun. You’d get to see the wolves and seals and stuff.”
“Dude. We’re not going to Siberia. You don’t just drop everything and go to Siberia,” Ben replied. He took another bite of his salad and discreetly checked his watch.
Andy’s face fell. “Aw crap, I’ve always wanted to go there. I was gonna build an igloo.”
***
“April, do you have any real marriage advice?” Leslie asked. April had been married for a while; she had to have something profound to say about marriage.
“No,” April said quietly. She stared at Leslie while she stirred her chai in a rather intense manner.
Leslie took a deep breath. “You know, I value our friendship and I really care about what you have to say. Could you just give me a tiny nugget of advice?”
April’s intense stirring came to a stop while she thought for a moment. Finally, after a few agonizing seconds, she had something to say.
“Get a dog. When you guys fight, the dog will side with the winner.”
Leslie pulled out a gigantic notepad and made a note of April’s sage wisdom.
***
Later, Leslie and Ben compared results.
“So, Andy thinks that we should never plan anything. We should also drop everything and go to Siberia and stay in an igloo,” Ben reported.
“Well, April made a reference to some Alec Baldwin movie; I had to look it up on IMDB because I didn’t get it at all. And then she said we should get a dog to serve as a relationship arbiter.”
Ben smiled. “You know, I would love to have a dog. I had one as a kid; she was an awesome friend.”
Leslie jumped up from the couch and grabbed her laptop. “Great! We need to compare various breeds and desirable dog traits. We should also decide on the optimum time to get a dog.”
***
They got a dog three months later. However, they did things their own way and that made all the difference.