writing piece
As I sit here this morning, working on the piece that I am writing, I am having flashbacks. In all actuality, I haven't started writing the piece but have been doing all the pre-writing outlines and goals and such. I structured my outline month by month in my year or horror and the things that I had forgotten about are all creeping into my brain. Was I really like that then? What is to stop me from going back to that? Have I really kicked that addiction? They say once you have an addiction, it is a daily choice that you have to make to keep from going back to it. Sometimes I go months without ever having a "craving", but other times, it seems an hourly thing. I sit here wondering if Steven and I are strong enough for him to hear everything that happened back then. Oh, he knows most of it, but the things I am remembering today, I know I never told him. Have we really left that part of us behind and are making this work on our day to day lives? I want to call him and talk to him about it, but it is still early. I have felt this urge to write about this subject for months, yet I kept putting it off because I didn't have the quiet time. Now that he and the kids are on vacation, I have the time, and the harsh reality of my past is coming back to haunt me. How could I have hurt the people I loved the most so much? How will they ever forgive me? It took years for me to forgive myself over all of it, and I know they have forgiven what they know, but will finding out new details make them resent me again? There are so many things to think about in doing this project. One way or another, I am going to write it, but I guess I will have to doing some major soul searching before I decide to share it with others.