(no subject)
And we're down to 8 hours and 28 minutes.
I'm sad to be leaving, but a small, small...oh so very small part of me is okay with it.
But there's so much unfinished business that I have here in Lakeland. Some of my friendships were just starting to blossom, work was getting more rigorous, and I had a great guy. So much unfinished...left untouched. So much that I put off, thinking it would last forever. Most of it isn't any of your business. Most of it you won't understand. Most of it will be so vague that you'll make up stories about me. I don't care. Typical lj entry.
I had a goal to achieve, and I failed...miserably. I'm not used to failing. I'm used to making the grade, getting the deadline, and be praised all the while. Is this the hint of something new and possibly worse?
Fucking thoughts running through my head...randomly. I hate that. I hate disorder. Ah here we go again.
WHERE THE HELL IS TREY???? Doesn't he realize I'm leaving tomorrow? Of course not...damn cats.
My plans to continually visit Lakeland are my pathetic attempts to get what I want. To achieve that goal that I had set for myself.
I think of things that I'm leaving behind and wonder if its all going to be worth in the end. I know college is for me. I'm sure of the major that I've chosen. But I'm not sure of the place that I picked. I used to be sure. What happened? Oh I know, I suddenly got semi happy in Lakeland and now I don't want to leave. I know I can always transfer to USF or something...anywhere thats not almost 3 hours away. I'm just not a quitter like that though.
What am I leaving behind? I mean its not like its for good or anything...but its the beginning of the end in almost everyway. I'm leaving my dad (my hero)...fuck, and my autistic brother. Its like hes going to have to fend for himself now against my mom. I feel like I'm abandoning him. Its pathetic how sad I am about leaving my cat...its ridiculous.
And then I think of David.
*Hes really none of your business. I only type this to get it off my chest.
I leave those memories behind. Trey was his cat, and now hes alone. The home movies, the pictures...Just everything. Cleveland Heights. Fucking Cleveland Heights. Literally his essence is on that road. I leave it all unattended.
And now I make no sense.
To break all the emo up a bit...
I will always love my three little bottles of SYRP and miss them already. The quotes, the car rides, the Wendy's trips, the northside trips-damn Ryan-the car trouble, the creepyness ;-) , the Titanic nights, the Notebook, The Wide Set V's(you wouldn't understand), the Vegetarian, the piercings, the mall trips, the great american cookies, the cell phones, the coffee...or lack there of, the grilled cheese, and lets not forget all the times we were Ridin Dirty.
Its the fact that no matter what we say, to the people at Ross Katie and I look like and are SISTERS. Its Shang and Dao FO REAL. Frankly bit, "I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you." I mean, times with her are just ah, perfect. Its just one quote right after the other. And we wouldn't have it any other way bitches.
Its the fact that even though it may sound insensitive, I don't know how Stephanie keeps that headband from falling off her head. Or how the hell she ALWAYS manages to steal my cellphone. Its the sist she keeps in this plastic cup, and the fact that she likes to point out the piece of cheek still connected -_-
Its the fact that Ryan is probably the biggest moocher I've ever met and its ok. Because hes our little brother. And I mean, he misses CCC :-) Its the fact we will always refer to him as hot freshman, and he loves that. He eats slightly too much, and lives too far away. But mostly, its the fact that he changes his myspace name about 8 times a day.
Its the fact that I love those kids a lot. Along with many others. I don't mention your names because there's no need too. You know I love you; I just may love these kids slightly more.
Oh and then there was this guy...he helped me through a lot. Hes pretty much incredible, in every sense of the word. He kept me as sane as he could. Its the fact that he was content with watching movies or late night tv with me bc he knew I was tired from work. Its the fact that I know he cares; and he wants whats best for me. Its the fact that I have to still punch him in the face :-) Its the fact that he put up with a lot more than he needed too. But mostly, its the way he continually tried to make me smile and laugh. Thanks babe <3 I wish summer06 was just a bit longer
I don't know...wish me luck. I'm nervous. I miss everything already. Its scary to grow up. I just need some confirmation.
CONGRATULATIONS.
I'm sad to be leaving, but a small, small...oh so very small part of me is okay with it.
But there's so much unfinished business that I have here in Lakeland. Some of my friendships were just starting to blossom, work was getting more rigorous, and I had a great guy. So much unfinished...left untouched. So much that I put off, thinking it would last forever. Most of it isn't any of your business. Most of it you won't understand. Most of it will be so vague that you'll make up stories about me. I don't care. Typical lj entry.
I had a goal to achieve, and I failed...miserably. I'm not used to failing. I'm used to making the grade, getting the deadline, and be praised all the while. Is this the hint of something new and possibly worse?
Fucking thoughts running through my head...randomly. I hate that. I hate disorder. Ah here we go again.
WHERE THE HELL IS TREY???? Doesn't he realize I'm leaving tomorrow? Of course not...damn cats.
My plans to continually visit Lakeland are my pathetic attempts to get what I want. To achieve that goal that I had set for myself.
I think of things that I'm leaving behind and wonder if its all going to be worth in the end. I know college is for me. I'm sure of the major that I've chosen. But I'm not sure of the place that I picked. I used to be sure. What happened? Oh I know, I suddenly got semi happy in Lakeland and now I don't want to leave. I know I can always transfer to USF or something...anywhere thats not almost 3 hours away. I'm just not a quitter like that though.
What am I leaving behind? I mean its not like its for good or anything...but its the beginning of the end in almost everyway. I'm leaving my dad (my hero)...fuck, and my autistic brother. Its like hes going to have to fend for himself now against my mom. I feel like I'm abandoning him. Its pathetic how sad I am about leaving my cat...its ridiculous.
And then I think of David.
*Hes really none of your business. I only type this to get it off my chest.
I leave those memories behind. Trey was his cat, and now hes alone. The home movies, the pictures...Just everything. Cleveland Heights. Fucking Cleveland Heights. Literally his essence is on that road. I leave it all unattended.
And now I make no sense.
To break all the emo up a bit...
I will always love my three little bottles of SYRP and miss them already. The quotes, the car rides, the Wendy's trips, the northside trips-damn Ryan-the car trouble, the creepyness ;-) , the Titanic nights, the Notebook, The Wide Set V's(you wouldn't understand), the Vegetarian, the piercings, the mall trips, the great american cookies, the cell phones, the coffee...or lack there of, the grilled cheese, and lets not forget all the times we were Ridin Dirty.
Its the fact that no matter what we say, to the people at Ross Katie and I look like and are SISTERS. Its Shang and Dao FO REAL. Frankly bit, "I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you." I mean, times with her are just ah, perfect. Its just one quote right after the other. And we wouldn't have it any other way bitches.
Its the fact that even though it may sound insensitive, I don't know how Stephanie keeps that headband from falling off her head. Or how the hell she ALWAYS manages to steal my cellphone. Its the sist she keeps in this plastic cup, and the fact that she likes to point out the piece of cheek still connected -_-
Its the fact that Ryan is probably the biggest moocher I've ever met and its ok. Because hes our little brother. And I mean, he misses CCC :-) Its the fact we will always refer to him as hot freshman, and he loves that. He eats slightly too much, and lives too far away. But mostly, its the fact that he changes his myspace name about 8 times a day.
Its the fact that I love those kids a lot. Along with many others. I don't mention your names because there's no need too. You know I love you; I just may love these kids slightly more.
Oh and then there was this guy...he helped me through a lot. Hes pretty much incredible, in every sense of the word. He kept me as sane as he could. Its the fact that he was content with watching movies or late night tv with me bc he knew I was tired from work. Its the fact that I know he cares; and he wants whats best for me. Its the fact that I have to still punch him in the face :-) Its the fact that he put up with a lot more than he needed too. But mostly, its the way he continually tried to make me smile and laugh. Thanks babe <3 I wish summer06 was just a bit longer
I don't know...wish me luck. I'm nervous. I miss everything already. Its scary to grow up. I just need some confirmation.
CONGRATULATIONS.