i'm mixed up, i'll be blunt, now the rain is just washing you outta my hair, and outta my mind.
this weekend has been full of fantastic weather and warm rain, good conversations, bad news, and excessive trombone playing.
i love sleeping with my window open. i love not wearing shoes. i love hearing the frogs and smelling my neighbor's bonfire. i love running in this weather, i love getting muddy and getting caught in the rain.
friday: woke up around noon, threw on some clothes and went to the high school since hayley left the car. i visited bud and schrock for a little bit, but they were really busy, so i visited k-dubs and we went to the teacher's lounge to make copies and he talked to me about his concern for my sister's failing grade in his class. went to see mr. gehm, who was out wandering while his study hall sat in the room with all the windows and the lights off like we always did, and took some tomato plants out to his truck with mayra for him. visited mrs. rod, who i love to death, and i sat down in a desk and we talked about chicago and her working at the museum and IVCC and she was just so sweet, i would have loved to have talked with her all afternoon. went to see ms. barnes, finally, since she was gone 7 weeks. they found a cancerous mass in her stomach a while back so she had to get it removed, but it turned out to be benign. i sat in on her class because she asked me to, and the kids were so horrible. she gave me a hug and told me how sorry she was that she was busy and she wanted to talk with me but just couldnt. i was just happy she's ok and back teaching, even if she has to deal with assholes like the kids in that algebra I class i visited. found hayley and took her home.
went over to jerret's where rachel was and went for a tasty freeze run to get chocolate-covered frozen bananas. when we got back to the car, her battery was dead, so we sat in the parking lot and i read about the reformation until her dad's friend showed up to jump it. when i got back to the house, i left to meet shelby, kate and diana at applebee's and had a good fajita roll-up with fantastic conversation with shelby and kate. diana didnt say much, but i tried to include her, since this was a temptation team outing and we were supposed to be bonding. problem is, shelby and i can get into some thick conversations and get really excited and forget everything else. after applebee's, made a group girl trip to victoria's secret more or less just to look around, and then stood in the parking lot talking for a while. went back to jerret's and played apples to apples for a few hours with jerret, wes, steven, rachel and holly. got home about 2am after truthful text message conversation.
saturday: woke up and felt like hell, so i went running. layed on my stomach on my trunk afterwards talking to dave on the phone for the first time in forever and it started pouring. i felt really good then. got a shower, got all dolled up and went over to LPHS for the Jazz Dance that i had to play at with the IVCC Jazz Ensemble. found elle, sat with her and hayley phelps and her boyfriend, danced with randy noy [???] saw kaitlyn westbrook, who came home from carbondale for this, and who i went to kindergarten-4th grade with, hung out with hailey williams and mark the trombonist for a little while before i went home. watched some O.C. and then got coffee with dave and tokarz at ziggies and stood under the awning in the rain while tokarz smoked clove cigarettes. got home about 2am again.
sunday: the older my dog gets, the more afraid he gets. he woke me up 13 times crying, scratching at my door, barking, making weird noises, etc. while it was raining. i got up, opened the door, and said "SHUT. UP." and he stopped. i felt bad, but seriously. he wasnt always such a wuss. ate a mediocre bowl of cereal and went back to LPHS for concert #2 of the week with the Illinois Valley Youth Symphony Orchestra. had rehersal for about an hour and a half, then jerret called and asked if i could pick him up from work and take him home, since his uncle returned to california to bang some woman he met on his World of Warcraft server and took the car. so i left, and feeling like i ought to tell an adult that i was leaving [for some reason, i felt guilty if i didnt...?] so i told my friend's mom the french horn player who didnt give a frick if i left or not, just because i love her. when i came back, i ate fruit out of a wax cup and sat with two girls i went to high school with who are only good for wanting to gossip about innane things and people we all know and got some randomly nice text messages from the kid i went to prom with who lives in wyoming until it was time to do the concert. it went well, except i always feel really awkward at ivyso concerts. they were awarding awards for most improved and best section and all these nonsense things that really had no point, but i felt like i shouldnt be so rude about thinking like that, since in high school there were accolades, but most of these kids arent in school band or orchestra because they cant be due to homeschooling or the fact that they dont have violas in most grade schools, so this is it for them. this is their big extra-cirricular, while this is just some excuse for me to play my horn, an excuse i dont really take seriously, an obligation that doesnt require much effort and zero passion or involvement. i dont know the names of over half the kids. i only ever talked to the two girls next to me, the two girls from mendota and a few of the flutes when they spoke to me first.
my family always has snide remarks about everything. example, my concert and music selection. and they have a thousand senseless questions. they exhaust me. why do they come to that concert but none of the ones that i actually feel like i contribute and work for and care about?
i have a shitty attitude.
had some cake at the reception, went over to jerret's for 15 min to discuss theory homework and theories on justin and what the hell might be wrong with him lately and then i went home to do dishes and eat some chicken really quickly, change clothes, go to mendota high school for a two hour jazz rehersal with an alumni group for a community concert on tuesday night. that rehersal was so enjoyable and seem so quick. i had a two hour rehersal wednesday night with the ivcc jazz group and i wanted to put a pistol in my mouth. i guess i just feel at home on that stage and with all those older people ive known since i was 15, and with mr. benson or mr. younger conducting. i'm excited for that concert... it'll be my 6th pork chop dinner jazz concert.
my friend mark is on a roadtrip all over the country with a friend of his and he's been gone a few months and isnt supposed to be back for a few more. i got a text this morning asking to pray for him because someone stole his car last night. he's stranded somewhere, i dont even know where, last time i talked to him, he was in california, and that was when i was in utah.
my dad called me during rehersal and left a message to call him back. so i did. my sister sarah had gone to the ER the other night and she has an infection in her intestines and cysts on her ovaries. now she's in the hospital and they will likely have to remove part of her colon. her mom has cancer. for the second time. my dad's room mate robert, who lived with us the autumn i was 15 has cancer and heart conditions.
on the upside... spring. finally. i feel good. i feel more like myself than i have since late summer-early fall-mid october. i feel good. i feel kind of scared about a few awful things and a few hard decisions but i'm ok.
i love sleeping with my window open. i love not wearing shoes. i love hearing the frogs and smelling my neighbor's bonfire. i love running in this weather, i love getting muddy and getting caught in the rain.
friday: woke up around noon, threw on some clothes and went to the high school since hayley left the car. i visited bud and schrock for a little bit, but they were really busy, so i visited k-dubs and we went to the teacher's lounge to make copies and he talked to me about his concern for my sister's failing grade in his class. went to see mr. gehm, who was out wandering while his study hall sat in the room with all the windows and the lights off like we always did, and took some tomato plants out to his truck with mayra for him. visited mrs. rod, who i love to death, and i sat down in a desk and we talked about chicago and her working at the museum and IVCC and she was just so sweet, i would have loved to have talked with her all afternoon. went to see ms. barnes, finally, since she was gone 7 weeks. they found a cancerous mass in her stomach a while back so she had to get it removed, but it turned out to be benign. i sat in on her class because she asked me to, and the kids were so horrible. she gave me a hug and told me how sorry she was that she was busy and she wanted to talk with me but just couldnt. i was just happy she's ok and back teaching, even if she has to deal with assholes like the kids in that algebra I class i visited. found hayley and took her home.
went over to jerret's where rachel was and went for a tasty freeze run to get chocolate-covered frozen bananas. when we got back to the car, her battery was dead, so we sat in the parking lot and i read about the reformation until her dad's friend showed up to jump it. when i got back to the house, i left to meet shelby, kate and diana at applebee's and had a good fajita roll-up with fantastic conversation with shelby and kate. diana didnt say much, but i tried to include her, since this was a temptation team outing and we were supposed to be bonding. problem is, shelby and i can get into some thick conversations and get really excited and forget everything else. after applebee's, made a group girl trip to victoria's secret more or less just to look around, and then stood in the parking lot talking for a while. went back to jerret's and played apples to apples for a few hours with jerret, wes, steven, rachel and holly. got home about 2am after truthful text message conversation.
saturday: woke up and felt like hell, so i went running. layed on my stomach on my trunk afterwards talking to dave on the phone for the first time in forever and it started pouring. i felt really good then. got a shower, got all dolled up and went over to LPHS for the Jazz Dance that i had to play at with the IVCC Jazz Ensemble. found elle, sat with her and hayley phelps and her boyfriend, danced with randy noy [???] saw kaitlyn westbrook, who came home from carbondale for this, and who i went to kindergarten-4th grade with, hung out with hailey williams and mark the trombonist for a little while before i went home. watched some O.C. and then got coffee with dave and tokarz at ziggies and stood under the awning in the rain while tokarz smoked clove cigarettes. got home about 2am again.
sunday: the older my dog gets, the more afraid he gets. he woke me up 13 times crying, scratching at my door, barking, making weird noises, etc. while it was raining. i got up, opened the door, and said "SHUT. UP." and he stopped. i felt bad, but seriously. he wasnt always such a wuss. ate a mediocre bowl of cereal and went back to LPHS for concert #2 of the week with the Illinois Valley Youth Symphony Orchestra. had rehersal for about an hour and a half, then jerret called and asked if i could pick him up from work and take him home, since his uncle returned to california to bang some woman he met on his World of Warcraft server and took the car. so i left, and feeling like i ought to tell an adult that i was leaving [for some reason, i felt guilty if i didnt...?] so i told my friend's mom the french horn player who didnt give a frick if i left or not, just because i love her. when i came back, i ate fruit out of a wax cup and sat with two girls i went to high school with who are only good for wanting to gossip about innane things and people we all know and got some randomly nice text messages from the kid i went to prom with who lives in wyoming until it was time to do the concert. it went well, except i always feel really awkward at ivyso concerts. they were awarding awards for most improved and best section and all these nonsense things that really had no point, but i felt like i shouldnt be so rude about thinking like that, since in high school there were accolades, but most of these kids arent in school band or orchestra because they cant be due to homeschooling or the fact that they dont have violas in most grade schools, so this is it for them. this is their big extra-cirricular, while this is just some excuse for me to play my horn, an excuse i dont really take seriously, an obligation that doesnt require much effort and zero passion or involvement. i dont know the names of over half the kids. i only ever talked to the two girls next to me, the two girls from mendota and a few of the flutes when they spoke to me first.
my family always has snide remarks about everything. example, my concert and music selection. and they have a thousand senseless questions. they exhaust me. why do they come to that concert but none of the ones that i actually feel like i contribute and work for and care about?
i have a shitty attitude.
had some cake at the reception, went over to jerret's for 15 min to discuss theory homework and theories on justin and what the hell might be wrong with him lately and then i went home to do dishes and eat some chicken really quickly, change clothes, go to mendota high school for a two hour jazz rehersal with an alumni group for a community concert on tuesday night. that rehersal was so enjoyable and seem so quick. i had a two hour rehersal wednesday night with the ivcc jazz group and i wanted to put a pistol in my mouth. i guess i just feel at home on that stage and with all those older people ive known since i was 15, and with mr. benson or mr. younger conducting. i'm excited for that concert... it'll be my 6th pork chop dinner jazz concert.
my friend mark is on a roadtrip all over the country with a friend of his and he's been gone a few months and isnt supposed to be back for a few more. i got a text this morning asking to pray for him because someone stole his car last night. he's stranded somewhere, i dont even know where, last time i talked to him, he was in california, and that was when i was in utah.
my dad called me during rehersal and left a message to call him back. so i did. my sister sarah had gone to the ER the other night and she has an infection in her intestines and cysts on her ovaries. now she's in the hospital and they will likely have to remove part of her colon. her mom has cancer. for the second time. my dad's room mate robert, who lived with us the autumn i was 15 has cancer and heart conditions.
on the upside... spring. finally. i feel good. i feel more like myself than i have since late summer-early fall-mid october. i feel good. i feel kind of scared about a few awful things and a few hard decisions but i'm ok.