i had an emotional breakdown today
have you ever felt completely hopeless? some of you probably have. completely hopeless is where the world hates you, you hate the world, you are a worthless piece of shit, and there is no hope of this ever changing.
some people have been complaining about people fishing for compliments. i am not. i know that your first instinct when someone says something like this is to disagree. but don't. i know that people are nice to me just because they don't want to be rude. if you are like that, you are not a real friend and i don't want you to be nice to me.
i really believe that noone would care if they never saw me again. like if i moved or something. but if i died, then people would be all like, oh how tragic she died young and stuff. that is why, as soon as i am old enough to legally live on my own, i am going to move away. then i will die and noone will care. i wish i could do that now, but people would probably find out. the only reason i haven't killed myself is because it will make people sad.
i don't want to go to homecoming. it always sucks. i get all excited and i go to dinner and stuff. then at the dance, like all dances, i follow my friends around and try to dance with them but since i'm small i always get pushed to the outside of our little group and then i'm like all alone and noone wants to associate with me at school anyways so i guess its good. then i leave and go sit alone somewhere. then i go home and cry myself to sleep. i don't know why i keep going to dances, but i always hope it will be better but it never is. if i had a date i would go, because he would dance with me and i would have someone to talk to who actually likes me and doesn't hate being around me. but i don't have a date because noone likes me, so i don't want to go. but now i have to go because mrs. foss is shortening joanna's dress form freshman year for me and it would be really mean to have her do that and then not go. and i can't just tell her i'm not going because then my mom would be like why aren't you going? and then she would get mad at me for being depressed and i will cry and then she will get more mad and she will scream and i will hide in bed and she will call the psychologist and i will have to go and he will be all like, if you don't go to homecoming you will have to go to the hospital again. i know that will happen because thats what always happens when i decide not to do something fun. i guess my mom just doesn't understand how not fun it is.
some people have been complaining about people fishing for compliments. i am not. i know that your first instinct when someone says something like this is to disagree. but don't. i know that people are nice to me just because they don't want to be rude. if you are like that, you are not a real friend and i don't want you to be nice to me.
i really believe that noone would care if they never saw me again. like if i moved or something. but if i died, then people would be all like, oh how tragic she died young and stuff. that is why, as soon as i am old enough to legally live on my own, i am going to move away. then i will die and noone will care. i wish i could do that now, but people would probably find out. the only reason i haven't killed myself is because it will make people sad.
i don't want to go to homecoming. it always sucks. i get all excited and i go to dinner and stuff. then at the dance, like all dances, i follow my friends around and try to dance with them but since i'm small i always get pushed to the outside of our little group and then i'm like all alone and noone wants to associate with me at school anyways so i guess its good. then i leave and go sit alone somewhere. then i go home and cry myself to sleep. i don't know why i keep going to dances, but i always hope it will be better but it never is. if i had a date i would go, because he would dance with me and i would have someone to talk to who actually likes me and doesn't hate being around me. but i don't have a date because noone likes me, so i don't want to go. but now i have to go because mrs. foss is shortening joanna's dress form freshman year for me and it would be really mean to have her do that and then not go. and i can't just tell her i'm not going because then my mom would be like why aren't you going? and then she would get mad at me for being depressed and i will cry and then she will get more mad and she will scream and i will hide in bed and she will call the psychologist and i will have to go and he will be all like, if you don't go to homecoming you will have to go to the hospital again. i know that will happen because thats what always happens when i decide not to do something fun. i guess my mom just doesn't understand how not fun it is.