Down to the Wire
Welp boys and girls I am 19 days away from packing myself up and moving on. How weird is that? I've spent my whole life trying to get to this point and now that it's getting closer I find myself aloof for lack of a better word. I'm so very confused by it all. I know all of you are probably sick of hearing me talk about this but I just have to. Graduating has always been a distance thing to me. It was the one thing I was striving for and now that it's almost hear I can't help but freak out a little. How did I get here? I guess I should've taken more time to think about all of this. Maybe I should have really thought about it and how close it was. But I think it really hit me last week when I spent a good six hours tearing the apartment apart and packing things up. Which by the way was very sad! This place has been my home for three years. And now I have to stare it in all its emptiness and that is very very sad to me. Infact, I'm almost positive that when I turn in my key I will most likely cry.
Come to think of it, this whole growing up and moving on thing is just sad. When did we all get so old? About a week or so ago I pulled out all my notes from high school and went through them with Jamie and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! Life was so very different then and while I'm glad I've grown up it reminded me of a time when every little thing meant something. Jamie will understand what I meant by that seeing as we wrote eachother the FUNNIEST notes on the planet! In a weird way, I miss writing notes.
And now on to one of my biggest worries regarding the whole graduating thing.....
Okay, so along with the notes I busted out a notebook I got the night before I left for Central my freshman year. And people wrote me some of the kindest things I have ever heard. And I remember knowing that I could go away to school and I wouldn't be replaced because these people would miss me. But, let's face it, that was three years ago. Everyone has gotten pretty used to me being gone. I'm in no way upset or angry about it because I myself got used to being away. When I was home I tried to see everyone I could but life goes on. People get jobs and go to school...they get busy and it gets harder to see everyone. But when I graduate and come home I have to figure out a way to get back in. And to be honest with you...I'm not so sure that's possible. And it's just not fair for me to expect that. I can't expect to jump in and out of people's lives and make any demands whatsoever...So trying to get back in with everyone is something I am genuinely worried about.
However, there are somethings I'm looking forward to....
For instance, I've heard from some sources that the average time it takes a recent graduate to find a "career" type job is about six months. Now, that's a long ass time. And in that time there are a few things I would like to do. I plan on taking a small vacation in which I'm going to do nothing of value...which is awesome! I then plan on taking a few trips to see some people...which is also awesome. And then I intend on writing. I know I know...how retro hippie of me. But for once in my life I have some time and some pretty good ideas. And even if nothing happens with it I'll be happy just knowing that I did it. Which leads me to another point I feel I need to explain to people....
I cannot tell you how many people ask me why I went into Creative Writing. A lot of people think that it's a crap degree in which you can do nothing of great value. And to those people I feel as if I need to explain just what lead me to my current choice of major. I firmly believe that everyone has two options in college...sometimes they collide and sometimes they don't. But I think that everyone has something they love to do and something they happen to be good at doing. Personally, I'm good at writing research papers...but while I happen to be good at that, that's not what I love doing. And to me, if you plan on doing something your whole life it's better to love it than to necessarily be good at it. I am not the greatest writer in the world...hell I'm not even the best writer on campus. But writing is the one thing that makes me happy. Two writers could look at the same thing and write two totally different things and both of them would be the truth. And that's what makes me love it. I can go back through stories or even these online journal things and feel exactly what I was feeling when I first wrote them. Writing to me is the way I examine and keep track of life. And while that might not make me any money it's worth more than people think. Because when you're eighty-nine years old and you can't remember what you did, how you thought or felt when you were twenty-two you'll envy me. So that's why I made the decision I did. So stop with the weird looks already!
Well I guess I have rambled enough for tonight...but don't think I'm done with all of this because I promise you that the closer it gets to May 7th, the more I'm gonna start writing and rambling on about things....Just to warn you!
Come to think of it, this whole growing up and moving on thing is just sad. When did we all get so old? About a week or so ago I pulled out all my notes from high school and went through them with Jamie and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! Life was so very different then and while I'm glad I've grown up it reminded me of a time when every little thing meant something. Jamie will understand what I meant by that seeing as we wrote eachother the FUNNIEST notes on the planet! In a weird way, I miss writing notes.
And now on to one of my biggest worries regarding the whole graduating thing.....
Okay, so along with the notes I busted out a notebook I got the night before I left for Central my freshman year. And people wrote me some of the kindest things I have ever heard. And I remember knowing that I could go away to school and I wouldn't be replaced because these people would miss me. But, let's face it, that was three years ago. Everyone has gotten pretty used to me being gone. I'm in no way upset or angry about it because I myself got used to being away. When I was home I tried to see everyone I could but life goes on. People get jobs and go to school...they get busy and it gets harder to see everyone. But when I graduate and come home I have to figure out a way to get back in. And to be honest with you...I'm not so sure that's possible. And it's just not fair for me to expect that. I can't expect to jump in and out of people's lives and make any demands whatsoever...So trying to get back in with everyone is something I am genuinely worried about.
However, there are somethings I'm looking forward to....
For instance, I've heard from some sources that the average time it takes a recent graduate to find a "career" type job is about six months. Now, that's a long ass time. And in that time there are a few things I would like to do. I plan on taking a small vacation in which I'm going to do nothing of value...which is awesome! I then plan on taking a few trips to see some people...which is also awesome. And then I intend on writing. I know I know...how retro hippie of me. But for once in my life I have some time and some pretty good ideas. And even if nothing happens with it I'll be happy just knowing that I did it. Which leads me to another point I feel I need to explain to people....
I cannot tell you how many people ask me why I went into Creative Writing. A lot of people think that it's a crap degree in which you can do nothing of great value. And to those people I feel as if I need to explain just what lead me to my current choice of major. I firmly believe that everyone has two options in college...sometimes they collide and sometimes they don't. But I think that everyone has something they love to do and something they happen to be good at doing. Personally, I'm good at writing research papers...but while I happen to be good at that, that's not what I love doing. And to me, if you plan on doing something your whole life it's better to love it than to necessarily be good at it. I am not the greatest writer in the world...hell I'm not even the best writer on campus. But writing is the one thing that makes me happy. Two writers could look at the same thing and write two totally different things and both of them would be the truth. And that's what makes me love it. I can go back through stories or even these online journal things and feel exactly what I was feeling when I first wrote them. Writing to me is the way I examine and keep track of life. And while that might not make me any money it's worth more than people think. Because when you're eighty-nine years old and you can't remember what you did, how you thought or felt when you were twenty-two you'll envy me. So that's why I made the decision I did. So stop with the weird looks already!
Well I guess I have rambled enough for tonight...but don't think I'm done with all of this because I promise you that the closer it gets to May 7th, the more I'm gonna start writing and rambling on about things....Just to warn you!